I love these books!

Any of you who really knows me, knows that I LOVE books! I love to read! For pleasure, for educational purposes, to my children, other blogs... I just really enjoy reading. I'll give you a sneak peek into what I am reading right now :)

Really some GREAT stuff in all of these books! What I am really enjoying is working on accepting me just as I am... knowing what I am and what I am not is quite a freeing thing :)

Hugs!

Slow and Steady.....

Wednesday will be the end of my 31 day challenge to myself. I just couldn't wait until then to share some of the things I have been able to shed with you, my friends, my faithful readers!

The first thing I learned is be careful what you ask God to do in your life :) I mean this in a good way, but I need to tell you that when you ask God to show you something or to do something in your life, watch out for what comes your way! While most of this month has been really great things, some of the things God has shown me have been down right painful and I have had to do some much needed house cleaning and weeding, if you know what I mean ;) The funny thing is that when I started this little part of the journey (I'll write more on this later), part of my prayer time I was asking God to change others, to work on their hearts and attitudes toward me and how they treat me and my family. Why do I think that is funny? Because it really was me that God ended up working on... my heart, my attitude, my relationships. I have heard others say this before, but I really got to experience it first hand. Once I started focusing on Him and listening to what He was trying to tell me through His word, other people, blogs, sermons, etc... how very clear all my own sin and issues are becoming. Not that I ever have felt perfect or even deserving, but I also realized that I let people determine my worth and my value and I am now more aware that only can come for the One who loves me so perfectly! What also is happening is that by allowing my masks to fall, I have opened up new relationships and accountability partners that have come along side me and these have started new and exciting times and adventures for me, God is so good!

I wanted to start some kind of movement and exercise during these 31 days and challenged myself to do SOMETHING 30 minutes each day. I was pretty successful at this and made it most days with a couple of exceptions. All in all, happy with the start and looking into and forward to new endeavors :) I am not one who enjoys sweat or exercise but I am one to enjoy a fun time and playing with my boys. I also started a Zumba class and really LOVE it! It kicks my butt but I feel so good afterwards and noticed a difference after the first two classes :D I am excited to start some new strength training in the next week or so along with some harder cardio to get my heart pumping even more! Exercise does make me feel better :)

Last but not least, because it is actually the part of this 31 day shed that started it all was the weight.... I gave myself 31 days to lose 10lbs as my first goal. Last week, 10 days before I had marked on my calendar, I weighed in at 10lbs and 1 oz lighter than I was on Sept 27 when this all began! God is so cool, He gave me that 1 extra oz as a bonus and believe me I am counting it :)! I have more goals in my journal and in my mind and I will share them with you all from time to time. Not only is my physical weight lighter but with it is going some emotional weight and that feels so very good :)

Please continue to pray for me. This is a tricky and hard time for me... usually I get confident and comfortable and then I fall... instead of my dependence on Him, I get confident on my own and start slacking on my complete dependence on Him as I am right now. And I am committed to praying for you my friends! I don't know all that God is doing in your life, but I do know it is something. He tells us in Philippians 1:6 "He who began a good work in you is faithful to bring it to completion". Claim it and own it, He loves us too much to leave us like we are!

Hugs!

Time....

Time, where and how do you spend it? Do you invest it in those most important to you or do you squander it away and take it for granted? How often do we just assume that people know that we are invested in them and care, when in fact they have no idea because we couldn't and didn't take the time to let them know? How many times do we politely ask people how they are but are really too busy to wait for the answer or even concentrate on what they have to say? Do you try to always listen when your kids are talking to you as only they can... non stop sometimes about things that are so trivial and small? When your husband leans in for a kiss or wants to hold your hand, or hold you in his arms for a few extra seconds, do you pull away because your dinner might be overdone, or the kids are calling your name? Have you settled into conversing with people only on social networks and email instead of making sure that you speak one on one, face to face?

People need to be invested in. We need to be touched both physically and emotionally. When we spend time with each other both of those needs are usually met. God designed us to be in touch with each other and checked in. I love that my kids love to spend time with me. They know that I love to spend time with them and that when we are together they almost always get my undivided attention. One of my twins will say to me, "I love that I get your whole face when I am talking to you". This means he knows I stop and look right at him when he has something important to say to me and he knows I am listening. I love that Frank knows he needs to spend time with me, check in and see how his wife is doing, not just the momma of his children. I have close friends who know that I need to be talked to, over coffee, lunch or a glass of wine. Friends who laugh with me and cry with me. This can't be done by technology alone but needs to have time and investment in the relationship.

Take time. Take time to ask how a friends is and wait for the answer. Take time to look at your child when they are talking to you, get down to their eye level and engage in the conversation. Take time to linger in your husbands kiss or hug a few extra seconds. Take time to have a cup of coffee or dinner with a friend. Take time... not one of us is guaranteed one more second on this earth.

Check up!

I promised that I would try my best to keep journaling about my progress through my 30 day shed and while I didn't get the chance last week to be on line here, I do have an old fashioned paper journal that I have been keeping daily. It is full of different thoughts and emotions I have day to day while I am on this month of shedding... I will spare you all of them, but will share some of them that I hope you will be able to relate to! Lots of changes are happening with me and sometimes I find I am taking a break and saying to myself, "hold on, take a deep breath, and let Him have it". More than once, the boys have asked me who I am talking to :) You see, God and I aren't just meeting up in the morning for devo time, we are getting close enough to have conversations at different times of the day too. Realizing and remembering that He wants me to come to Him, to cry out to Him, to sing to Him, is becoming more natural to me, more comfortable to me. He is jealous for me, He wants me to bring it to Him, not rely on my husband, or my friends to fix it, He wants to do it, He wants to hear it! In learning to do this, He is teaching me things and answering my requests and quieting my restless spirit. It isn't coming without work and discipline on my part though, but I do see a difference this time ( see previous posts about my struggles).

Ok, so 14 days in to the 30 day shed what have I started shedding? I am shedding my jealousy and discontentment of other women.... you see if you have insecurity issues like I do, you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others especially women. I asked God to take that away from me so I could concentrate on myself and my relationships, especially with Him. He is doing just that for me, reminding me He made me for specific purposes, to be a CM director, to be Frank's wife, Kendra, Austin, Colby and Cam's momma....I am working on being content with all that and not playing in the comparison games. I am working on showing grace. Not just to those around me or those who mean the most to me, but actually to myself. I am my own worst critic, I bug myself and drive myself crazy with all my imperfections and short comings. I would never hold people as accountable as I tend to hold myself. This is helping with the weight too, bonus! I asked God to take away my focus on food. To help me learn to listen to my God given body when it is hungry and when it is full. To not focus on food but on the blessings around me and my relationship with Him. Its really happening! Where previously emotional highs and lows have resulted in food binges for celebration or for comfort, in these two weeks, I have been able to focus on the One who knows my emotions and wants to be my everything. Not easy for me, I am finding, but easier this time. I know it is Him and my approach to this... something is just so different this time.

While I hesitated to share all this in this post, because too many of you have heard me set these goals and have these conversations before, I promised honesty and accountability and this is the real two weeks I have had. My accountability partner and a couple of close friends and I have had good laughs about these changes and other "girl" talks and these too are part of the shed, losing the masks and letting others see the real me. Intimidating and so hard for me, but I am also learning very necessary too. By His grace, I am on a good track and really enjoying these last two weeks! God can do this change, and take me along for the ride and I am loving it so far. Even the yucky, look at yourself, moments have become very cleansing and freeing and I love the after effect.

So, dear readers and friends, continue to pray for me and I will pray for you! I have a long way to go, but I am two weeks closer to the goal and way closer to the Creator. Happy dancing myself around here, 7.7lbs lighter :)

I saw God this week....

This week I was looking for God... purposely looking for Him around me and in my life. This is where I found Him...

~ On my walk, the colors in the leaves and the quiet whisper in the wind

~ My son's face when he was hurting from a fall out of the tree

~ When my home-schooled children burst out singing praise and worship songs while doing their school work

~ My one on one time with Him in the mornings, He showed this seasoned Christian woman some new and exciting things this week!

~ My Ipod

~ My friends, who showed unconditional love and genuine concern to me

~ My daughter's laughter

~ In the mirror

~ My husband who disciplined one of our children, apologized later for his shortcomings, and pulled him into a hug

~ The 100+ kids who call me Ms. Janet

~ In the darkest hours before sleep and first wake up

~Coffee :)

~ A brief but meaningful conversation with a fellow struggler

~ Blogs

~ My lover's unconditional love and admiration for me

He's there... God... he's there just waiting for you to see Him and feel Him. Look for Him on purpose this week, seek Him out. He wants you to!

A Month of Change!

Ok, so this is it.... I have been praying, listening, praying, reading, praying, researching, praying, talking to others, praying..... did I mention praying :) It is no mistake that I have "stumbled upon" articles, verses, and blogs touching on life changes. What an encouragement other women are to me, sharing their struggles and challenges! I have been a reader and occasional commenter at http://www.incourage.me/ and in reading that this week was brought to another blog that interested me: http://beautyandbedlam.com/the-weight-loss-roller-coaster/. Most of you know that I have struggled with my weight for so many years now that it seems like forever. Without going into it all over again with all of you, I am still struggling, therefore this blog intrigued me. While I found interesting information there that I plan on using, I was more intrigued by the sense of community there was between the writer and her readers. I have been longing for community for some time and will expand upon that in another blog post.

The writer decided to do a 30 day shed.... work on eating better and moving each day. She is accountable to close friends and her readers. She is taking off the mask, letting the real her show, and being open and honest about her struggles. I read and admired her determination and prayed. Could I do such a thing? Boy,oh boy, if I committed to do this, like this, would be letting all of you my readers the opportunity to see me fail (again). Prayed more, advice kept coming at me like a freight train. So for the last two weeks I have been thinking, talking to my Father, and researching. Finally, this past weekend it all came together for me (I think!).

So, here it is my 31 day plan! I am focused and committed to making good food choices; eating to live not living to eat. Focusing on something other than what to eat next. I will move my God-given body for at least 30 minutes a day (no excuses).I have joined a dance class and have plans in place for the other six days too, some of it just hiking with my family! I got myself a no-nonsense accountability partner! This is so HUGE for me! I love her, she will tell me just how it is, I have no doubt. She already has me looking at ideas and sites online on how to accomplish some long term goals that I have. She is a fellow Christian sister who I know will be praying for me and I her as we start this new challenge together.

But this isn't all about my weight, either. In this 31 day plan, I am also working on "shedding" my masks, simplifying some of our financial obligations, living more in the moment with my family, and spending more intimate time with my Father. This last part is most important to me, I get so into just getting my devo time done, to say I do it, that I have lost the intimate part I once had with Him.

So, there it is! I am out here, exposed and open in front of you, my friends. Every Monday, I will try to update you on my progress for the week. Please pray for me when you think of it? My commitment at this point is just the 31 days, I am praying it continues but I need to go short term and I am know I can do a month!

Hebrew 12:11 reminds us that “No discipline is pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. “

Seasons

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it.

God is speaking so very loudly to me on this right now and I am trying so hard to sit still and listen... for those of you who know me best, I struggle with both of these things... sitting still and listening :) God's timing is perfect and isn't usually mine. So, I will continue to pray and cry and pour my heart out to my Savior and trust Him to know what is best for me, His daughter!

Internal weeding......

Got myself some weeding to do! Not outside in the yard but inside...not the house... although that needs some attention too.... talking about inside myself in my heart. The place that only my Heavenly Father gets to see. I knew this was coming for some time.... I have been working hard at quieting the Holy Spirit's voice, ignoring some scripture and signs that have been pointing out just where the weeds are.

While some of these weeds are easy to recognize and take care of, others not so much! Knowing that weeds are sin some can be so easy to spot in my life others disguise themselves behind other things. Jealousy and being self centered, laziness and procrastination, and unkind thoughts all can mask themselves and even be hidden because it isn't always shown on the outside of ourselves.

I am praying today that God would continue to show me my weeds in my life and help me remove them permanently and when they do start to show back up that I would recognize it and yank those babies out right away. I want my garden (life) to look full, colorful and healthy not full of nasties :)

Got me thinking!

For those of you who don't already know, this is the youngest and furriest member of our family, Erin. Last night, she decided to head out on an adventure on the local golf course! Out of love for people she found a lady who brought her to the clubhouse and the owners called the local Animal Control Officer who then brought her to the local Humane Society. We found out where she was but not before a house full of tears and anxiety over where our lost family was. She had only been gone for a little over two hours but caused lots of turmoil, and heartbreak in that time. Just knowing that she was inside and not out wondering in the woods was not enough either. Some of us didn't sleep well knowing that she wasn't safe and sound where we could be with her. Little boys woke up with her on their minds and hearts wondering how much longer they would have to wait to love on their little furry friend. The hours seemed like days until the time came for us to call and find out when we could pick her up. Finally, we were all reunited. There were hugs and loves all around and lots of "I missed you" and "Don't ever run away from us again", and "Weren't you scared not being with us baby", and "You look so tired and sad". Reunions with loved ones, even our furry ones, are wonderful!

Once the hustle and bustle had subsided, I took time to sit and let my mind wander as I let the summer breeze wrap me like a warm cashmere blanket. How devastated must our Heavenly Father be when we walk away from Him and His will for us? Over the years, I have walked away from Him so many times.... sometimes for part of the day, other times for a week here and a week there. Even years have gone by that I lived only for myself and not thinking at all what His will for me was. I was living in the moment for the one I loved most, ME! During these times, I knew I was wrong, and when I came back I was so very sorry but often for myself. Walking away from God always brings me pain and I am so repentant for walking away because of the consequence of it, either in my life or how it affected someone else. If I did think about how disappointed God was in me, I dealt with it by telling myself, "God loves me in spite of what I do". Today it hit me just how much we must actually hurt, cause pain to the One who loves us most, when we walk away, eager to explorer the area around us, away from the One who is there to love us and protect us. This brought pain to me, actual pain to my heart! I pray that the next time I go to walk away and "explorer an adventure" I remember this moment in time where I thought bigger than myself and my selfish ways. Here's to hoping!

Summer has come to an end.....

Summer 2010 has officially come to end here at the Punkin-patch. We made the most of the wonderful and memoriable but short time that we had. There were beach trips and concerts, amusement parks and hiking, landmarks and lighthouses explored. New friends were made, old ones were visited more frequently with. Interesting hobbies were started, weekend campfires burned into the wee hours of the next morning. Baseball games were attended and local fairs provided us with entertainment only seen in Maine. Fruits and vegetables made wonderful gifts for us to enjoy long into the cold Maine winter. Relationships were mended and hearts were broken, and romance happened out under the stars on a swing made for two. Teens filled our home and our hearts most weekends with laughter and little boys crawled into my lap at the end of the day to be kissed by their momma like they were kissed by the sun. A boy became a teen man and started leading his brothers into new and unexplored land on our property. Tears were wiped after boo-boos happened both on the inside and the out.
Now books, paper and pencils replace bug spray, beach toys, and picnics. Excitement is here for a new year of learning, friends and routine. My calendar is awaiting new adventures and memories and I am so very blessed and it is all so very good!

Cam-isms

Last night while our family was watching a popular TV show where families that have a need for a new home are given one by some really wonderful people and a community, the subject of adoption came up. One of the gentlemen who was building the new house said, " Adoption is very important to me. My wife was adopted." Cam quickly whipped around and asked me, " Mommy how do you adopt a wife?" After a moment of laughter we quickly explained!

Catching up!

Ok, so do you have your cup of coffee or tea? I just brewed mine so we can catch up together over a cup. Sit down, grab a cozy throw, your cup of warm happiness and lets chat!

Since May, we have been so incredibly busy here as a family. I'll fill you in on me personally in a few:) May and June kept us running with baseball and softball. Kendra played for the varsity softball team in Waterville. She played outfield this year and really came into the position. The team didn't win many games but it was fun to watch them play and to watch Kendra make some new friends. Austin played for two different baseball teams. He made the local school team and played for a recreational team in Waterville. He loved it! What a great job he did juggling two teams, two coaches and sometimes two games in one day! Colby decided to give baseball a try this year too and learned alot. He tried all the positions and decided he would like to do that again! Like music to this mommas ears, if you know me, baseball is my favorite sport to watch! Cam hung out with me being the best cheerer ever. Kendra and Frank started church softball and we continued being on the go most nights.

School finished and I dove deep into VBS planning. Old friends came to visit, it was great to catch up. July enters and we work hard on getting a float ready for the local 4th of July parade and VBS starts. How awesome to work with fellow believers for the purpose of reaching kids for Christ! I really LOVE my job! We had a great VBS week with over 200 kids coming all week long and over 25 of them asking Christ into their hearts. It was so overwhelming and deeply humbling to be a part of it all.

Finally, our summer began. You see until after VBS is done, we aren't able to do much summering so with as much fun as it all is, we were excited to start our summer. So off to the beach we go, playgrounds see us more, ice cream stands get some of our money, and weekend campfires with friends start happening more. My sweet boy turns 13 and I start to feel old :( Life is flying by and we seem to keep moving along with it. There are days that I am awed at how we do it all, and yet we do. We are just finishing up our official family vacation and that makes me both grateful and sad. Probably most feel the same way.

How is your cup, need a refill? I do :)

Ok, now for me personally. I ran and ran around getting this kid to this field, and that kids to that field. Keeping everyone organized and going in the right direction is very important to me. I want the kids to always know that I am here for them and that I can and will do whatever is in my human power for them. I continue to be stretched and learn more and more about myself. My walk with my Savior is stronger than ever, my marriage is stronger than a year ago, I love my kids more each day, and my friendships are becoming more and more important to me as I get older. On my birthday this year, I took time to look at areas of my life that I wanted to either change, leave behind, work harder on, or finally start all together. I have a good idea of what I need at this point in my life and am committed to making it happen. I am blessed and while things are tough for us from time to time, I am learning about what is important. I am a year older, and realize more and more that time is flying by and I have wasted so much time over the years and I can't get that time back. What I can do, is change what I do today and plan what I do tomorrow. Make a difference in managing my time and energy. Slow down the pace a bit, and if I need to be busy, let it be something that will matter and count.

I have been gone from blogging and hope to make a change in that. I love to write and think aloud and share our life with you my friends! I hope you had a chance to catch up. I enjoyed both my cups of coffee and our visit! See you soon....

Hugs~

I'm back!

Wow, its been a really long time since I blogged! What in the world? Blogging for me is great therapy and I have missed it so much. Lots has happened since I last blogged back in May. This makes this decision even easier : ) Due to not posting a warning at the beginning of my post to pull up a chair and a cup of coffee, I will post again within the next couple of days to let you know what we have been up to! There's lots to tell, but too much for tonight! Check back in a couple of days and I should have posted and visited with you through my blog! It will be worth it I promise!

Hugs~

Really... that's what you think????

So, yesterday while I was talking to one of my FKA parents, I was told that she could never live up to the kind of woman, mom, wife and friend that I was, and honestly it exhausted her just thinking about it! This sweet lady went on and on about how organized I was, how patient I am with not only my own kids but others, how much love is in my eyes when I speak with or of my hunny, how great it is to see me with friends; laughing and having fun. Please know she was being very complimentary in both her words and her actions, actually trying to be an encouragement to me. I walked away from the conversation feeling both encouraged and elevated in my spirit that someone that of me. Then last night sitting and snuggled up to my sweetie sharing our days together, I started to chuckle, and it turned into a full fledged laughing fit! Oh if only people knew we both said... now before you start thinking this is a "I need people to say nice things to me, pat me on the back, and tell me how wonderful I am" kind of post, you are so wrong! I just was thinking about it more and more and want to share what my life looks like when things aren't as lovely as this sweet person described me.

I do try very hard to be organized and keep everything together and it isn't often that things on the family calendar aren't taken care of in a VERY orderly fashion, but it does happen that I completely space an appointment, run late picking someone up, or actually have forgotten to pick someone up and then my cell rings... "MOM!!!" Ugh! If it weren't for having a calendar in every room, my planner on me at all times, and my cell set with alarms... it would be bad! With six of us often headed in multiple directions, it's next to impossible to keep it all going but we do it with the best intentions and sometimes I fail at it but I do try. My kids are just like everyone elses. They are naughty and make bad choices, they don't pick up after themselves, the oldest two make me wonder from time to time how they will ever make it out on their own because of their lack of being able see things any farther then the end of their noses some days. The twins make me shutter some days from their lack of being able to share and be kind to each other. Their selective hearing is something that on a bad day can send me for that glass of wine way before dinner, lol! BUT... at the end of the day when we have all said good night, hugged and kissed our way into our beds, they are my God given blessings and I wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone on this planet. They are my best accomplishment this side of heaven and I take great pride in them and my mothering.

My husband! The lady was right about this one thing, I sure do love Frank! When I talk to him and I speak of him, I beam with love and pride in this man that chose me to spend his life with. But it isn't always hearts and flowers with us either. We both have a lot of baggage that came with us into our marriage that to this day we still deal with. We both have lost very important people in our lives that has effected our marriage. I am home with the kids all day, he is off working hard for our family, working two jobs so that we can follow God's direction for our family and homeschool our children. He gets tired, I get tired and we certainly are opinionated (ok I am way more then he is, lol). There are times when I don't feel in love with him and I am sure he has days when he doesn't feel in love with me, but we do love each other and work DAILY on our love for each other centered around our love for Christ.

As far as my friends... I love them all! God is teaching me a new lesson in 2010 and I am enjoying this ride. God has a plan for me involving me friends. He is knitting people into my life to help and offer their strengths to me in ways I never thought possible. Every single one of my girls adds something special to my life,. They are all different in almost every way, and what that adds to my life is becoming quite priceless to me! I still struggle with trust and how close to let people in, but I am working on it by the grace of a God who loves me enough to put these lovely ladies in my life to walk with me in this journey. You all are so valuable to me and I love you all so very much!

So you see, I am just like all of you... I fail miserably some days, I don't have it all together most days, and I am my own worst critic. I hold myself to a standard that I would never allow anyone else to hold themselves to. But, I am a servant, I am a crazy in love girl with her sweetheart, I am a mommy who loves her babies more than life itself, I am a silly outgoing girlfriend to some of the best ladies I know, and I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined or deserve. That's what I hope I communicate to you the next time I see you :)

R & R

Ah, now I can rest a bit! I am sighing a bit sigh of relief. Did you hear it? Shhhh, listen. I bet you heard it then didn't you? I have been right out straight. More so then usual. I have been feeling pulled in all kinds of directions with feeling like I don't do any of it to the best of my ability and that stresses me out. Between my duties as a CM director, Easter choir and personal preparations for that, some family issues that just happened to "pop up" during the week leading up to Easter, baseball and softball practices, and being a mom and wife.... I was feeling so very overwhelmed and it didn't take long for it to start coming out with some physical illness symptoms. I had a headache that literally lasted for four days and I was so sick to my stomach. And of course with that comes the emotional binging that comes with me getting disturbing news... ugh!

This week is a new week though. The Kidz Easter Choir performed and did beautifully :) Especially the twins! We had a wonderful Easter dinner with family and friends, nice and quiet and simple. Now I get the chance to just sigh and breathe :) Yes its still busy but its all good! Running here and there with the kids is what I do best and I enjoy it all. So, I sigh, count all my blessings, and thank God that He has given me the strength to do what I do, the family and friends to put up with me while I do it, and for giving me the passion to do it all again the next day :)

Fail.... epic fail, as Cam would say!

My sweet eight year old has a new saying, "Fail... epic fail". Not sure what that even means but Webster uses these definitions:
1. ommision of occurence or performance specifically a failure to perform a duty or expected action.
3. a falling short
Officially I fit the Webster definition and feel it in every part of my being today. Actually, like a rash that slowly spreads itself, I have been having this feeling off and on all week and it came to a nasty full body covering last night and today. Today seems to be the worst. I don't know if it is the yucky rainy weather we are having or just that everything seemed to collapse on me today but it is by far the worst today. I can list it all for you, I made a complete list while in the shower a few minutes ago... I have failed at being a Godly wife, a Godly mother, a caring friend, a Godly CM director, I am currently failing at my committment for a healthier lifestyle for myself, a homeschooling mom... the list seems to go on and on. I do realize that these are thoughts completely provided curtosy of Satan himself, but none the less, they are real and right now they are seeming so big and out of control.
Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day at the least it is a new one :)

Best week ever!

Yup.. that about describes it! We have had an amazing week here in the Johnson house. Not at all because anything monumental happened but because it was a great week, that's all! The sun has been out all week and warming up our home. The boys have been playing outside all week too and that makes for very happy and tired guys by the end of the day. Princess and I have had lots of chances to sit on the porch in the sun and talk, this is memories I will keep with me for the rest of my life! My sweetheart and I have had the chance to walk together and talk about stuff, how precious that time has become in this very busy life that we live. We really are enjoying our new home and all that the area has to offer to us!
We celebrated St. Patrick day in true Johnson traditional fashion, complete with a well planned leprechaun trap designed by the truly crafty 8 year olds! Nicely placed and well thought out, we set the trap and waited.... those leprechauns are tricky and got by us again this year, but didn't disappoint us and left gold wrapped chocolate and gold glitter to let us know he had stopped by :) I don't know how many more years this will work but for now, I am enjoying watching their team work and the childhood excitement that they share. On a side note, I said as much to my sweet man and the Princess was walking by and said "Mom, as if! I am going to be 17 this year and I still wait to see if we caught him." I have mentioned how much I love her!
My sweet young man participated in a baseball clinic this week and is really excited about playing ball this spring! Apparently he made an impression on the coaches during the clinic. He participated in a clinic from a town near us and more than one of them asked him what town he was from :) We are looking forward to seeing him play and improve this year!
Health wise, I am feeling awesome! I am working out 5-6 days a week, noticing small but important changes in my clothes and such, and have lost a total of 12.4 lbs in a little less then 3 weeks. More importantly is my energy level is soaring and my emotions are just about as high! My wonderful love made it a point to tell me he likes how happy and full of energy I have been the last couple of weeks! He gives me the best compliments :)
So all in all, best week ever for no reason at all but really all the best reasons... 5 of them to be exact! Hope you are all doing well too! Enjoy your weekend friends :)

Praise and prayer!

Dear God!

Wow, what a day! I just wanted to thank you, to truly thank you for using me today for Your purposes. When I stop and think about what all transpired today and how your Holy Spirit was at work, I am so awe struck that I can't find words to describe the feeling. For you to use me, this cracked and worn vessel to help lead one of Your children to you, what an honor and a privilege. Thank you for using me!
You know what all was going on, You knew that I was getting caught up in the admin. stuff , and You knew that I needed a reminder of exactly why You have called me to do this job of leading little hearts in Your name at FEFC. I could almost hear the angels rejoicing and everything else just disappeared for me, it was really about You, Jesus.
Please help me always to remember that moment. To remember why we do what we do. To remember that in a hundred years from now, that is what matters most!

Humbly in Your work~ Amen!

Lovin' Life!

Things I woke up thinking about this morning.....

• The sunshine coming in my window put an instant smile on my face!
• My hard working husband pitter pattering around the kitchen making sure to be quiet to not wake any of us knowing we need to rest.
• My body aching from my new exercise routine. Although I am aching, I know it is working and that believe it or not made me smile!
• The eight year old boy snuggling next to me is growing up fast, but having these few precious moments with him are timeless to me and I tear up thinking about them ending soon.
• My overachieving daughter heading out the door to her CP Bio class at the local high school. She is working so hard at so many things in her life. I am so very proud of her and know that my time of parenting is coming to an end and needs me more as a friend and a mentor then she does a mom right now.
• My other eight year old enjoying teasing his older brother! His laugh is contagious and you can't help but laugh with him even if you don't know what he is laughing about. God gave me this boy to remind me to laugh much and often.
• My sweet and serious twelve year young man who is finding out what kind of guy he wants to be. He doesn't like how he is seeing people treat others and he doesn't like to hurt other people with his words or actions. Thank you God for giving him a sweet spirit!
• The way that my husbands kiss goodbye still melts me and gives me butterflies almost 16 years later! Thank you God for a loving spouse to walk beside me in this journey we call life.
  

As you can see, my mind was working immediately upon eyes opening but it was all good and I didn't want to miss one moment of it! Life is good today!

Wonderful week- end and a wonderful weekend!

What a great end of the week (week-end) and weekend we had! We started off getting together with friends on Friday night at the local Mexican restaurant. I was a little bit nervous since I had been so careful all week with what I had to eat and watching my calories. I wanted to make sure that I made the best choices possible as well as knowing all too well that I would be enjoying some Mexican beverages and knowing that would put my calorie count up. Just the same I determined to go out with my sweetie and enjoy the night and not over-think anything especially the food! It was a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed spending time with my best friend and catching up with two other wonderful girl friends. I got home and baked 8.5 dz. chocolate cookies to go with the two pans of brownies that I needed to take to a basketball tournament early Saturday morning. Saturday I got up early enough to get a workout in and out the door by 7:3o am! Off we went... grocery shopping, work at the tournament selling concessions, and getting Kendra to work. Then it was time for me to go and have lunch with the lovely WPG girls (my neighbors)! What a great time I had hearing the stories from these ladies (all of which were in their sixties and one was eighty-four), they had such a wonderful connection and I was so honored to be a part of it all! Then I rushed home to get ready for an evening of fun and games at our house. I made a from scratch minestrone soup. It was so yummy and most seemed to enjoy it! Followed by a great game of boy vs girls Guesstures game. The girls won of course but there were too many moments of pure belly laughing... another ab workout for the day, I'll take it! After our friends left.. it was on to getting things ready for Sunday morning. Sunday morning came early, actually the same time as usual but I was dragging... playing the last two nights had caught up to me. Off I went to worship with and serve the kids of FEFC and before long was right into routine. We had a great morning and by 1:00pm I was ready to get home and relax! Oh, my dear sweet friend T found me a wicker porch set so that perked me right up! Woohoo! The rest of the day and evening was spent doing nothing else but snuggling, loving and resting. It was just what we all needed. A great night of rest brought me to this morning. Up I rise with a new energy and ready to get the day going. Laundry in.. check, homeschooling started... check, beds made... check. On a role! Now, for the dreaded workout and weigh in! If you read my previous post last Monday, you will know why I was anxious about the weigh in part. I knew that I had cheated some but tried to be careful, worked out 5 out of 7 days, and didn't drink soda or eat after 800pm. So off to the Wii I head with a prayer that God would allow me to look at whatever the results may be, with a clear head and heart and no misconceptions of what I am trying so hard to lose of myself. I was so thrilled to see that I had lost 5.3lbs! Imagine what it would have been without the little cheats I had along the way... not focusing on that... soooo grateful for the loss!
So to wrap it up, we had a wonderful, busy weekend and I was so tired but it was so worth it. And the fact that I can get back on track this morning was exciting to me. I just might find myself looking forward to Mondays again :)

Simply thankful....

This morning while sitting and having my tea, Colby walks by me and announces to his daddy and I that his heart is so thankful this morning. I looked at him and said, "Why baby?" Thinking he must be talking about the $3.00 the "tooth fairy" left him last night... Oh no, he says, "For my family, and my friends, for my comfort, and for God creating me." {{Insert beaming, teary-eyed mommy here}}
Thank you Lord, for a quick reminder to be grateful for the things in life we so easily take for granted!

Man, when he is on the job... its full force ahead!

Holy crap! Look out.... he's busy! By he, I mean Satan a.k.a the devil himself. I have been listening to close friends and family and knowing that he is on the move, but yesterday he attacked me and hit me so hard, it dropped me to my knees and quickly.
I made the decision last week to get back to getting healthy again. I had taken a 5-6 month hiatus... not really watching what I was eating, exercising when it fit in (not very often), and feeding my emotions. This left me feeling tired, cranky, jealous, and sick. I did really well through the weekend, which included a weekend away with 10 other adults. Junk food was everywhere and meals included bagels, pizza and spaghetti, ugh!!! But previous planning allowed me to bring things to eat that were better choices and I wasn't really hungry so the temptation stayed at bay. This is the part where I need to give props to my girls over at the PWLFA( you know who you are(: ) they prayed me through the whole weekend! Anyway, all this to say that I was off to a good start!
Yesterday, I woke up feeling good, even pleased with myself. Very confident with my choices and how the weekend went. I had a great quiet time with God, really good breakfast choices and homeschooling went well. Then it crashed... I jumped on the Wii for the first time in months. Trying to mix some things up, I got the wii fit out and jumped on the balance board which weighs you and does your BMI... I gained quite a bit of my weight back and my BMI was back up. I felt all the air release out of my body like the air out of a balloon. Still I grabbed my determination and got to work. Forty-five minutes later, I finished my aerobics and sat down at the computer to drink a big glass of water and catch up with friends on FB. There staring at me in my face was a picture from the weekend of me on the beach with my sweetheart... and the only thing I could say was "Oh my God". Not meant to be disrespectful to my heavenly Father, truly a cry out to God! I was so appalled at what was staring back at me, that I dropped into a heap on the floor in tears. Why should I bother? I have so much weight to lose, so much exercise to do. I immediately fell back into a deep hatred for myself and started frantically looking for answers to gastric bypass surgery, the only fix I could think of. I didn't come up with any answers and finished the day in a glummy funk to which my dear family had to contend with all night. My poor husband!
I woke up this morning feeling sad again but not as bad. Then I looked back at yesterday and realized something good happened... I didn't feed my emotions. I stayed on track and didn't overeat! That is a huge accomplishment. I never would have done that in the past. So, I have rededicated my efforts. Today is a new day and God has my hand. I asked Him to take Satan away from me and guide my hunger, my efforts and my mind. Together we will cause Satan to stand in the unemployment line :)

Amazed!

If you have never had the chance to walk the beach at night (yes, even in February... in Maine) and look at the ocean and the stars in the night time......... you definitely need to do it!

The best part!

After a day of running errands with my littlest one, he speaks up from the back seat. Cam:"Mommy, do you know what is the best part of spending time with you by myself?" Me: "Is it that you get all my attention and don't have to share me?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part? Me: "Is it that we got to have lunch together just you and me?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part?" Me: "Is it that you didn't have to fight with anyone for the middle seat?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part?" Me: "No baby, I guess you will have to tell me." Cam: "You don't know what is the best part? It's you.. you're the best part!"
Yeah, he's got my heart!!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Momma! Friday, February 5th came and we would celebrate my mom's birthday. No matter how hard I prepare myself... still this day comes and hits me like a full ton of bricks. You see, my Mom was my best friend. She taught me so many great things in her lifetime, which you should know, was too short. One of the things that she did was make a big, I mean, huge deal about birthdays and holidays! I love it! It is one of the many things that I have passed down to my own family. So, in light of that we celebrate my mom's birthday even though she has been gone from this earth for almost 6 years. Let me set the scene of the day for you.
My wonderful, sweet, sensitive - knows me better than I know myself - soul mate; took the day off from work. Because he knows me so well, he knew that even though I thought I was fine, I wouldn't be. The morning came and I awoke with a deep sense of sadness. Like someone was sitting on my chest. Before my first tear hit my pillow, my sweetie rolled over, put me in his arms and let the tears fall right onto his chest. He truly is the best tear-catcher ever! Once there were no more tears left in me, we started our day. I tried to keep the day as normal as possible for the kids. It is so hard on them to see me upset. Sweetie was able to help with homeschooling. I'm not sure if it was more of a treat for him or the kids??? Either way, I had a break and the kids had a substitute teacher! We made a cake for mom. The kids all had their own way of remembering. My sixteen year old princess was quiet, yet a little more clingy and lovey. My twelve year old man, was very protective and watched quietly like a cat from whatever room I was in. The terrific twins spent lots of time looking through scrapbooks looking at their Mimi, wanted to know more and more about her. We then went outside and released balloons to heaven, a tradition that I have done every year with my kids since that first year without her. Complete with a rendition of Happy Birthday and a prayer from my littlest one asking God to watch over his Mimi and to make sure that she was happy with Him, since she would have been happy here with us, it must be really great there with Him!
So, happy 72nd birthday my mother, my best friend, my confidant, my hero! You are so very missed <3>

Its true I am a blog stalker!

Ok, so I have to confess I have become quite the blog stalker and even been known to steal from time to time... from blogs!
I love to read blogs.. well written ones anyway. I was trying to figure out where this sudden obsession came from and I realized that it really isn't that sudden at all. I have always enjoyed a good cooking blog looking for new meal ideas and ways to do things in the kitchen differently. I enjoy reading my friends blogs to keep up with their families and the latest happenings. Lately though I have been all about blogs to do with decorating spaces. Since I have a new home to decorate I am so enticed by well written decorating blogs. I love the country/rustic look and my new home will handle that style well. Lots of ideas have come from some well written ladies all over the country who sadly enough we will probably never meet. My other blog stalking obsession is coming from a new hobby of mine, wines. I have always enjoyed a great glass of wine, but in the last six weeks or so my enjoyment has led itself into a thirst for the knowledge of wine and what wines are good with what dish, where are the best wines from, etc... My friend PB over at the Wine Cask Blog is a wonderful and vast pool of information and I am grateful to have his opinions and his blog at my disposal.
Blogs are wonderful and you can stalk in your comfies, with a glass of wine, and if you don't like your new acquaintance you can just click away and there are no hard feelings. In the off chance you find a great blog you can stalk away and no one looks at you like your a creeper... unless of course its your teenage daughter or husband who sees that you have spent well over an hour on a certain blog!

Here I am!

Sigh... contentment. I am sitting here in our new home in an overstuffed chair, in front of the fireplace, drinking a cup of tea, snuggled up with a new throw I received for Christmas while I finally get the chance to come back to one of my great loves, writting in my blog. I have missed this so much.



Lots of things have happened since I last wrote. I just looked back at my blog and I last blogged in November of 2009.... that was two and a half months ago, how did that happen? I know how it happened but let me catch you up on what has been going on with the Johnson family. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and really enjoyed our little family. Our Thanksgiving festivities have changed alot over the last six years since my mom passed away. Lots of family members have left us either through death or by choice. That part sadens me. However, God has brought some new family and friends into our lives and we are so very blessed and happy. We went on our annual black Friday shopping day and enjoyed some bargains and some more memories :) Then we participated in our annual downtown Christmas parade, another family favorite tradition. It was truly a time to be thankful for all that God has blessed us with both in the obvious and the not so obvious ways over the past year. Then we come upon December. The twins had their first acting debut at our church in Angel Alert! They were awesome and I was so proud of them. I'll post pictures soon :) Austin sprained his left ankle and had to be told that he would be out of basketball for the season... tough blow for my guy. Kendra continues to juggle school (both home and at the public school), a job, friends and her boyfriend of almost two years :). As for us, well we had been living in a bit of uncertainty since October. We were looking at moving to a home in Vassalboro that friends of ours owned and had mentioned to us that they would like to have us live there. We were so excited! Finally a home with enough room for all of us and some land to run and play on too! Did I also mention that it is 2 miles from my best friend and her parents who have adopted my kids as their grandchildren? Could it get any better... we didn't think it could! Well, as of the first of December, we still didn't know where we would be celebrating Christmas. Would we be at the apartment for one more Christmas or would we be in our new home to celebrate? Only a few more weeks of waiting would tell us for sure. The weekend BEFORE Christmas (those of you who have known me long enough know this had to have put me over the edge...)we moved into our new home! What an answer to prayer! We celebrated Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, and New Years Day all in our new home with lots of room for entertaining our friends and family. I felt so very blessed and happy... God's timing is perfect even when we can't see it or feel it.
So there you have it... we are all settled in for the most part, and loving our new home. We are back into the swing of things such as school and appointments, music lessons and sports. And even though we don't know much more about our future then we did back in Novemeber, we did learn that God is stepping out in front of us and preparing the way and that is something to take comfort in no matter what.
Thanks for catching up with us! My time in between posts won't be so long anymore... I promise!