Saturday, October 24, 2009

Its a Roller Coaster season!

Yeah, so this picture sums up my life and my emotions better than I could describe it. Our family is on one heck of a ride these days and it just so happens that today I seem to be able to blog about it without crying my way through it. So, it appears today or at least for the moment, its going to be a good day :)
Its a season of change for us here in the Johnson family. We are waiting on some new housing, a job that seemed stable has cut back on hours, belts have been tightened, kids are growing up and stretching their wings, independance, and boundaries, a marriage has been challenged, and relationships have been strained. Through it all, I am reminded daily of God's constant love for me and for my family. As hard as things are right now, I know that He is there. I also know that I am being taught some really hard lessons right now and I only find comfort in knowing that He is my rock and my Savior. There have been days and more than I can count actually as of late, where I have questioned how we are even going to make it out of the situation of the moment. God has been faithful in providing all of our needs. I am quickly learning the difference between wants and needs in this season of change. I am learning that people who might have a small space in my world are some of the one's who have been the most faithful in uplifting me in prayer and sending cards and calling to check in on me. I am humbled by a friend who stopped in to see me at work, to find me at one of my lowest points and get on her knees with me and cry with me before our God. I am grateful and thankful to have a man to walk down this road with me, carrying me because I can't seem to put another foot in front of the other some days. I am proud of a husband and a father who will work another part time job doing a mundane dirty job for a little bit of money to help out where his regular full time job has left us needing more. I am a grateful mommy who came home from a meeting to find three cards made for her letting her kow how much she is loved and how sad they are that I am having a hard time right now.
I am learning so much right now about myself and my abilities. I am seeing people in a new light, if you will and finding out how strong relationships really are. God is revealing Himself to me daily as I seek direction and peace. He means it when He tells us to seek Him and to look for Him and He will reveal Himself to us.
I pray that the next time I get the chance to blog, I will have new things to share and new blessings to tell you about! In the mean time, remember us in your prayer time and be thankful to Him for how He is using you.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sweet surrender, difference between faith and trust, and other lessons to be learned

As a homeschooling mom, I am well aware of how important lessons are. You can't just teach a piece of something here or a part of something else there. You need the whole lesson to learn the complete concept. Well, that's where I am with my walk with God right now. In the midst of some lessons. Like teaching my children, they aren't all fun and games either. Actually most of them are not fun at all.
Earlier this summer, I committed to working on complete surrender of my life to God. For those of you who know me, know that this is a task for me since I am a control freak. While I have come a long way in this commitment, I am so not there yet. I do make it a daily prayer that I could give it all over to him, all my worries, frustrations, and struggles.. the good and the bad. It and I am a work in progress. Better than before, but oh so long a road to go!
I am studying the difference between having faith and trust. It is a good study and I am learning alot, mostly about myself, but also what the word of God has to say about faith. Maybe another blog soon about this as it has a lot of content and I have lots of thoughts on it. Not at a complete conclusion though, so I'll leave it at that. In case you were wondering, I have concluded that there is a definite difference.
Right now, today, I am having to leave a lot to God. We have so many uncertainties in our life and I am really having a hard time with it. I am a A type personality and I like my plans made in advance and all my ducks in a row, so to say. There are things that we are waiting on and dealing with that truly only the Lord of the Universe knows anything about. Very hard for me. I am anxious, sleep deprived, and on edge because of it and I am waiting on the Lord to reveal His plans to us.
The one thing I know for certain is that God loves us and wants what is best for our family. I need to rest in that and try to relax and be patient. Lets hope my eyes and ears are open more than they were yesterday so that He can show me my tomorrow!