I promised that I would try my best to keep journaling about my progress through my 30 day shed and while I didn't get the chance last week to be on line here, I do have an old fashioned paper journal that I have been keeping daily. It is full of different thoughts and emotions I have day to day while I am on this month of shedding... I will spare you all of them, but will share some of them that I hope you will be able to relate to! Lots of changes are happening with me and sometimes I find I am taking a break and saying to myself, "hold on, take a deep breath, and let Him have it". More than once, the boys have asked me who I am talking to :) You see, God and I aren't just meeting up in the morning for devo time, we are getting close enough to have conversations at different times of the day too. Realizing and remembering that He wants me to come to Him, to cry out to Him, to sing to Him, is becoming more natural to me, more comfortable to me. He is jealous for me, He wants me to bring it to Him, not rely on my husband, or my friends to fix it, He wants to do it, He wants to hear it! In learning to do this, He is teaching me things and answering my requests and quieting my restless spirit. It isn't coming without work and discipline on my part though, but I do see a difference this time ( see previous posts about my struggles).
Monday, October 11, 2010
Ok, so 14 days in to the 30 day shed what have I started shedding? I am shedding my jealousy and discontentment of other women.... you see if you have insecurity issues like I do, you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others especially women. I asked God to take that away from me so I could concentrate on myself and my relationships, especially with Him. He is doing just that for me, reminding me He made me for specific purposes, to be a CM director, to be Frank's wife, Kendra, Austin, Colby and Cam's momma....I am working on being content with all that and not playing in the comparison games. I am working on showing grace. Not just to those around me or those who mean the most to me, but actually to myself. I am my own worst critic, I bug myself and drive myself crazy with all my imperfections and short comings. I would never hold people as accountable as I tend to hold myself. This is helping with the weight too, bonus! I asked God to take away my focus on food. To help me learn to listen to my God given body when it is hungry and when it is full. To not focus on food but on the blessings around me and my relationship with Him. Its really happening! Where previously emotional highs and lows have resulted in food binges for celebration or for comfort, in these two weeks, I have been able to focus on the One who knows my emotions and wants to be my everything. Not easy for me, I am finding, but easier this time. I know it is Him and my approach to this... something is just so different this time.
While I hesitated to share all this in this post, because too many of you have heard me set these goals and have these conversations before, I promised honesty and accountability and this is the real two weeks I have had. My accountability partner and a couple of close friends and I have had good laughs about these changes and other "girl" talks and these too are part of the shed, losing the masks and letting others see the real me. Intimidating and so hard for me, but I am also learning very necessary too. By His grace, I am on a good track and really enjoying these last two weeks! God can do this change, and take me along for the ride and I am loving it so far. Even the yucky, look at yourself, moments have become very cleansing and freeing and I love the after effect.
So, dear readers and friends, continue to pray for me and I will pray for you! I have a long way to go, but I am two weeks closer to the goal and way closer to the Creator. Happy dancing myself around here, 7.7lbs lighter :)
Posted by The Johnson Punkin Patch~ at 8:46 AM