Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Father's Love Letter - WARNING!!! A long one, get a cup of tea and enjoy!

It's my most favorite time of the year! I love, love, love this time of the year, ever since I was a little girl, as far back as I can remember! I just love Christmas so much. And now that I have kids of my own, I love it even more. To see it through their eyes is simply amazing to me. They are so excited with the lights and glitter, baking, and yes, presents! But the electricity in the air just from their excitment is enough to keep my mood cheerful and light... well most days.  I have struggled with enjoying the holidays as much since my mom passed away almost 5 years ago. It is still fresh in my mind today, the last Christmas that we spent together. We knew it would be the last, and made so many good memories with my children and I am so grateful for those memories, as are the kids. Kendra and Austin remember them well, and thanks to scrapbooking, Cam and Colby have them too! Nothing can ever make that pain go away for me, but it is less each year and the memories that I have of our time makes me even smile now!

This year I am dealing with a different kind of loss. The loss of a relationship with my earthly dad. He is still here, but due to some choices that he has made, we are no longer a part of his life at this time. It is a grief process that I deal with daily, some better than others. For those of you that know me well, you know that I have always been daddy's little girl and to not have that in my life is simply tearing me apart and question many relationships in my life as well as produce a sense of disbelief in most everything.  Having told you this, let me tell you about my day and show you just how great my Heavenly Father is to me.
This morning started as any other, busy getting ready for work at the church, just like most Wednesdays. It's a busy morning since I need to get school stuff ready for the kids before I go and make sure that they are all set. I needed to get something at the local store on my way to church. I have convinced myself not to do this, but I am a gluten for punishment, I guess, and drove by my dad's house. There on the front porch, I saw my dad and his live in lady were enjoying the morning coffee and paper together and my whole world seemed to crash around me. The tears started to fall and I had no control of them, the rivers opened like a dam and there was no stopping them. I cleaned myself up enough to get to the office without everyone stopping me and asking me what was wrong which in my world only makes it worse since it makes me cry more! I went into my office and started working, after all, work hard and think about anything other than what I had just seen. I needed to do the bulletin board in the Children's Ministry Wing today for the Christmas season and was looking online for a new idea. While I was searching, I came across the video that I will share with you at the end of this blog. This is no mistake, and certainly no coincidence. After you watch the video you will see why this was sent to me today and you might even shed a tear with me or for me! My Heavenly Father is looking for more from me. More love, more time with me, and more relationship. He wants to be my best friend, my comfort, and my favorite person to spend time with. He wants to be my Dad! 
I hope that I haven't bored you too much and that maybe someone else out there can even relate or maybe it explains things about me to you differently. Whatever it does, I hope this video blesses you in a special way today!