Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Man, when he is on the job... its full force ahead!

Holy crap! Look out.... he's busy! By he, I mean Satan a.k.a the devil himself. I have been listening to close friends and family and knowing that he is on the move, but yesterday he attacked me and hit me so hard, it dropped me to my knees and quickly.
I made the decision last week to get back to getting healthy again. I had taken a 5-6 month hiatus... not really watching what I was eating, exercising when it fit in (not very often), and feeding my emotions. This left me feeling tired, cranky, jealous, and sick. I did really well through the weekend, which included a weekend away with 10 other adults. Junk food was everywhere and meals included bagels, pizza and spaghetti, ugh!!! But previous planning allowed me to bring things to eat that were better choices and I wasn't really hungry so the temptation stayed at bay. This is the part where I need to give props to my girls over at the PWLFA( you know who you are(: ) they prayed me through the whole weekend! Anyway, all this to say that I was off to a good start!
Yesterday, I woke up feeling good, even pleased with myself. Very confident with my choices and how the weekend went. I had a great quiet time with God, really good breakfast choices and homeschooling went well. Then it crashed... I jumped on the Wii for the first time in months. Trying to mix some things up, I got the wii fit out and jumped on the balance board which weighs you and does your BMI... I gained quite a bit of my weight back and my BMI was back up. I felt all the air release out of my body like the air out of a balloon. Still I grabbed my determination and got to work. Forty-five minutes later, I finished my aerobics and sat down at the computer to drink a big glass of water and catch up with friends on FB. There staring at me in my face was a picture from the weekend of me on the beach with my sweetheart... and the only thing I could say was "Oh my God". Not meant to be disrespectful to my heavenly Father, truly a cry out to God! I was so appalled at what was staring back at me, that I dropped into a heap on the floor in tears. Why should I bother? I have so much weight to lose, so much exercise to do. I immediately fell back into a deep hatred for myself and started frantically looking for answers to gastric bypass surgery, the only fix I could think of. I didn't come up with any answers and finished the day in a glummy funk to which my dear family had to contend with all night. My poor husband!
I woke up this morning feeling sad again but not as bad. Then I looked back at yesterday and realized something good happened... I didn't feed my emotions. I stayed on track and didn't overeat! That is a huge accomplishment. I never would have done that in the past. So, I have rededicated my efforts. Today is a new day and God has my hand. I asked Him to take Satan away from me and guide my hunger, my efforts and my mind. Together we will cause Satan to stand in the unemployment line :)


Devon Redman said...

You should be very proud of yourself for sticking to your health choices. I am very proud of you! Love you!