Its a Roller Coaster season!

Yeah, so this picture sums up my life and my emotions better than I could describe it. Our family is on one heck of a ride these days and it just so happens that today I seem to be able to blog about it without crying my way through it. So, it appears today or at least for the moment, its going to be a good day :)

Its a season of change for us here in the Johnson family. We are waiting on some new housing, a job that seemed stable has cut back on hours, belts have been tightened, kids are growing up and stretching their wings, independance, and boundaries, a marriage has been challenged, and relationships have been strained. Through it all, I am reminded daily of God's constant love for me and for my family. As hard as things are right now, I know that He is there. I also know that I am being taught some really hard lessons right now and I only find comfort in knowing that He is my rock and my Savior. There have been days and more than I can count actually as of late, where I have questioned how we are even going to make it out of the situation of the moment. God has been faithful in providing all of our needs. I am quickly learning the difference between wants and needs in this season of change. I am learning that people who might have a small space in my world are some of the one's who have been the most faithful in uplifting me in prayer and sending cards and calling to check in on me. I am humbled by a friend who stopped in to see me at work, to find me at one of my lowest points and get on her knees with me and cry with me before our God. I am grateful and thankful to have a man to walk down this road with me, carrying me because I can't seem to put another foot in front of the other some days. I am proud of a husband and a father who will work another part time job doing a mundane dirty job for a little bit of money to help out where his regular full time job has left us needing more. I am a grateful mommy who came home from a meeting to find three cards made for her letting her kow how much she is loved and how sad they are that I am having a hard time right now.

I am learning so much right now about myself and my abilities. I am seeing people in a new light, if you will and finding out how strong relationships really are. God is revealing Himself to me daily as I seek direction and peace. He means it when He tells us to seek Him and to look for Him and He will reveal Himself to us.

I pray that the next time I get the chance to blog, I will have new things to share and new blessings to tell you about! In the mean time, remember us in your prayer time and be thankful to Him for how He is using you.

Sweet surrender, difference between faith and trust, and other lessons to be learned

As a homeschooling mom, I am well aware of how important lessons are. You can't just teach a piece of something here or a part of something else there. You need the whole lesson to learn the complete concept. Well, that's where I am with my walk with God right now. In the midst of some lessons. Like teaching my children, they aren't all fun and games either. Actually most of them are not fun at all.
Earlier this summer, I committed to working on complete surrender of my life to God. For those of you who know me, know that this is a task for me since I am a control freak. While I have come a long way in this commitment, I am so not there yet. I do make it a daily prayer that I could give it all over to him, all my worries, frustrations, and struggles.. the good and the bad. It and I am a work in progress. Better than before, but oh so long a road to go!
I am studying the difference between having faith and trust. It is a good study and I am learning alot, mostly about myself, but also what the word of God has to say about faith. Maybe another blog soon about this as it has a lot of content and I have lots of thoughts on it. Not at a complete conclusion though, so I'll leave it at that. In case you were wondering, I have concluded that there is a definite difference.
Right now, today, I am having to leave a lot to God. We have so many uncertainties in our life and I am really having a hard time with it. I am a A type personality and I like my plans made in advance and all my ducks in a row, so to say. There are things that we are waiting on and dealing with that truly only the Lord of the Universe knows anything about. Very hard for me. I am anxious, sleep deprived, and on edge because of it and I am waiting on the Lord to reveal His plans to us.
The one thing I know for certain is that God loves us and wants what is best for our family. I need to rest in that and try to relax and be patient. Lets hope my eyes and ears are open more than they were yesterday so that He can show me my tomorrow!

My sweet daughter is 16 today!

In working on my blog last night, I wondered why this blog wasn't posted... I had selected save post instead of publish post! So goes my life... anyway my blog to my sweet 16 year old! Mwah...




Wow, how can this be? I asked Frank this morning. It's just not possible for this to be happening in our life. Sixteen years ago this morning, we fell deeply in love with a perfect and beautiful little baby girl that we named Kendra Nicole Johnson.

She began her journey into the world exactly how Kendra does everything - in her own time! My due date was September 12 and it came and went with no baby. On the morning of September 14, my water broke and the contractions weren't far behind. Off to the hospital we went, scared and excited. We were so young and naive. However, I had dreamed of this moment my whole life that I could remember, I was going to be a mommy! We were checked into the hospital and settled in for what we thought would be a few hours maybe 10 tops... we were so wrong! Twenty - three hours, an epidural, and little sleep later my precious baby girl arrived. She was perfect! Petite, pink and pouting she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I was in love. It was there in that delivery room that I remember really falling in love with Frank all over again and understanding what that statement even meant.
We've been through so much together, a near death experience, weddings, funerals, trips to the ER, new siblings, broken hearts, laughter that makes your face and stomach ache, trips to NY, a great boyfriend of over a year and a half, and more personal moments that are for this mom to hold close and treasure them for myself. All in all, she is my pride and joy. She is my first born and one of my closest friends. She knows me well as I do her. When I woke up this morning and realized that my time with her here with me under our roof is a mer two years left, I choked up and found myself in sorrow and fear, just like I did that day 16 years ago when she stopped breathing. Quickly I am reminded that God saved her that day and will continue to save her day to day. So instead of focusing on what is to come, I am focused on the here and now and loving that my baby girl still loves to hug me and love me, watch TV with her mom and sit and chat about stuff. These are the moments I treasure and I am looking forward to more of these to come!
Happy 16th birthday baby girl! You changed my life for the better sixteen years ago. My life and those of our family are better because you are in it and you fill us all with love. Thank you for allowing me to be your mommy, I am so blessed! I love you so very much!

From school, to sports to season changes.....

It is that time of year here in the Johnson home... Fall is just around the corner and with it is coming the start of a year of running everyone here and there and being straight out busy. Ok, so if you know me at all, you are thinking or even saying out loud, "when isn't the Johnson family right out straight and busy?" Good point, but this time of year seems more so to me than any other!

This morning I am sending Kendra off to the local high school to take two classes this year. She really wants to go into nursing when she gets done school, so she really needs to get her college prep. Biology done where she has a lab. Then she needed to get her foreign language done too, so we thought we would send her to take that class there too so that she was there for more than one class and make it worth her time to be there. I will homeschool the rest of her studies and happy to do it! I wasn't ready to let her back to that world again for the whole day, just wasn't. I am so glad that she put that off for another year :) Can you imagine my happy dance? She is running for the school X Country team and seems to be enjoying that. However, practices everyday after school is a little tough and will be more so when there is also homework involved! Oh, and did I mention she turns 16 in twenty days and is also sending in for her license...EEEEKKK when did my baby get to be that age? I need to stop this!

Austin is playing football for the local junior high team. This is the big boys and man, I worry about him! Not that he isn't big enough, have you seen him lately? He is 12 and 5'4" and 104lbs and getting muscle! But he is still my "little" boy and is still as sweet and sensitive as ever. He is excited though! His practices are also right after school with games on Tuesdays. This guy has no desire to go to the school for any classes and is more than content to stay right here with mom teaching him! I love him!

The twins are growing up too fast. I can't believe they are almost 8!! They begin soccer next week and are so excited to get involved again. Did I mention that their practice is also on Tuesdays and their games are at 8:30AM on Saturday mornings????? Ok, seriously who does that? The boys will be fine, and I suppose I will too once I get my drive thru coffee to prop my eyes open! Homeschooling is their only choice at this point. Some day that might change when they are like 18! No, seriously, we will give them the same options as the older two when they are in jr. high.

We made the most of the short summer we had. Lots of beach trips, exploring new places and getting together with lots of friends. Looking back, I know that this summer is one to be remembered as my time with having all four kids with me is coming to an end. Kendra is a young adult and getting ready to be gone from me more and more all the time. I know that is the way she was designed and I am proud but that pride comes alongside sadness of what once was.

We officially start school Tuesday, September 8. It's going to be a crazy - busy year but we're excited and ready to go! Bring on the cooler nights, fall colored days, apple picking, birthdays, football games and earlier bed times.... we're rearing to go!

Always, sometimes, Nevah Evah.....

I saw this fun little ditty at a new blog I found last week called Under Grace Over Coffee! It was quite entertaining and made me smile so thought I would share too :)

I ALWAYS...

- take the time for a hug from my little ones no matter what I am in the middle of

- kiss my sweetie good night, ALWAYS

- sing in the shower

- put on lotion both before bed and every morning after my shower

I SOMETIMES...

- push things to the back of the fridge for Frank to clean out because I have such a bad gag reflex

- have random dance parties in the car when I am driving

- ignore the phone if I don't want to talk to whoever is calling.

- feed my kids breakfast for supper

- delete emails from people if I know they are just forwards

I NEVAH EVAH...

- eat lobster even though I live in Maine

- go to bed without locking the doors and making sure everyone is tucked in their beds

- leave my bed unmade

- refuse fresh fruit. Seriously.

- say "nevah evah".

Let me know if you play along so I can see what you always, sometimes and nevah evah do!

Conditions and Expectations?????

Some recent events that not only have happened to me but also to some of my family members has caused me to pause on the conditions and expectations of loving someone. Whether it is a friend that we love, a spouse, even our children, either knowingly or not we have conditions of some of that love and definitely expectations. Not to be confused with the unconditional love that we have for our husbands and wives or that we have for our children. I tell my kids all the time, there is nothing that they can do to cause me not to love them, and that is true. I can't wrap my head around anything that I don't think that I could work through, by the grace of God, that Frank could do that would cause me not to love him. Thinking and reflecting on things that have happened in the recent past, has caused me to think and appreciate the love Christ has for me.

To know that we don't have to perform at a certain level for Him to "play me in the game" relieves a low self esteem man when he is at his lowest. To know that we don't have to act "just like everyone else", lightens a teen girls heart when she is feeling judged. Learning that we "fit in" all the time with Christ, when others make a young man feel left out of everything, makes him feel worthy of being just who he is without making any changes. To know that even when our hearts are hurting and our immediate response is to put up walls of protection around our hearts or even to hurt the person(s) back that are causing us pain, that God knows the pain in a woman's heart and shows her through scripture, encouraging words from other women, and a loving husband that her heart is safe and only God can and is able to heal those wounds.

I am learning that acceptance of who we are in Christ needs to be enough. This is a tough lesson for me, because I live in constant comparison and competition with other wives, moms, women and families and God does not intend for that to be. He created us just the way we are, sinful and yucky just the same. He wants us to surrender it all and let Him continue to mold us to be just like Him, but I am learning that starts with accepting ourselves as He made us and working with Him to change not change us into what we think HE wants. Does this make sense to anyone else? I hope it does. If not just being able to write it out just solidifies it to me :)

I'd love to hear some feedback on this and see if anyone else has or is struggling with this too?

Hugs!

Gotta get caught up!

Wow, have we been busy!

We have been doing a whole lotta this......

And a couple of these.....

Both Austin and I celebrated our special days with family and friends alike!

We were also blessed to go to this....

What an absolute blessing for my family and I to sit and worship together while watching this band preform! Only a glimpse of what heaven might be like :)

We planned on doing lots of inexpensive, fun, memory making, family trips this summer and so far we have been able to do just that. We have been to the beach more this summer than I can remember doing any other. We have hiked, explored, talked and enjoyed each others company. We reconnected more as a family and have learned to really look forward to the times it is just the six of us. I pray that summer isn't over and this time in our lives doesn't end soon. God has been so gracious in some of the things that he is showing to Frank and I and we are so very humble and blessed to have this family that He has given to us.