Monday, May 3, 2010

Really... that's what you think????

So, yesterday while I was talking to one of my FKA parents, I was told that she could never live up to the kind of woman, mom, wife and friend that I was, and honestly it exhausted her just thinking about it! This sweet lady went on and on about how organized I was, how patient I am with not only my own kids but others, how much love is in my eyes when I speak with or of my hunny, how great it is to see me with friends; laughing and having fun. Please know she was being very complimentary in both her words and her actions, actually trying to be an encouragement to me. I walked away from the conversation feeling both encouraged and elevated in my spirit that someone that of me. Then last night sitting and snuggled up to my sweetie sharing our days together, I started to chuckle, and it turned into a full fledged laughing fit! Oh if only people knew we both said... now before you start thinking this is a "I need people to say nice things to me, pat me on the back, and tell me how wonderful I am" kind of post, you are so wrong! I just was thinking about it more and more and want to share what my life looks like when things aren't as lovely as this sweet person described me.

I do try very hard to be organized and keep everything together and it isn't often that things on the family calendar aren't taken care of in a VERY orderly fashion, but it does happen that I completely space an appointment, run late picking someone up, or actually have forgotten to pick someone up and then my cell rings... "MOM!!!" Ugh! If it weren't for having a calendar in every room, my planner on me at all times, and my cell set with alarms... it would be bad! With six of us often headed in multiple directions, it's next to impossible to keep it all going but we do it with the best intentions and sometimes I fail at it but I do try. My kids are just like everyone elses. They are naughty and make bad choices, they don't pick up after themselves, the oldest two make me wonder from time to time how they will ever make it out on their own because of their lack of being able see things any farther then the end of their noses some days. The twins make me shutter some days from their lack of being able to share and be kind to each other. Their selective hearing is something that on a bad day can send me for that glass of wine way before dinner, lol! BUT... at the end of the day when we have all said good night, hugged and kissed our way into our beds, they are my God given blessings and I wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone on this planet. They are my best accomplishment this side of heaven and I take great pride in them and my mothering.

My husband! The lady was right about this one thing, I sure do love Frank! When I talk to him and I speak of him, I beam with love and pride in this man that chose me to spend his life with. But it isn't always hearts and flowers with us either. We both have a lot of baggage that came with us into our marriage that to this day we still deal with. We both have lost very important people in our lives that has effected our marriage. I am home with the kids all day, he is off working hard for our family, working two jobs so that we can follow God's direction for our family and homeschool our children. He gets tired, I get tired and we certainly are opinionated (ok I am way more then he is, lol). There are times when I don't feel in love with him and I am sure he has days when he doesn't feel in love with me, but we do love each other and work DAILY on our love for each other centered around our love for Christ.

As far as my friends... I love them all! God is teaching me a new lesson in 2010 and I am enjoying this ride. God has a plan for me involving me friends. He is knitting people into my life to help and offer their strengths to me in ways I never thought possible. Every single one of my girls adds something special to my life,. They are all different in almost every way, and what that adds to my life is becoming quite priceless to me! I still struggle with trust and how close to let people in, but I am working on it by the grace of a God who loves me enough to put these lovely ladies in my life to walk with me in this journey. You all are so valuable to me and I love you all so very much!

So you see, I am just like all of you... I fail miserably some days, I don't have it all together most days, and I am my own worst critic. I hold myself to a standard that I would never allow anyone else to hold themselves to. But, I am a servant, I am a crazy in love girl with her sweetheart, I am a mommy who loves her babies more than life itself, I am a silly outgoing girlfriend to some of the best ladies I know, and I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined or deserve. That's what I hope I communicate to you the next time I see you :)