Time....

Time, where and how do you spend it? Do you invest it in those most important to you or do you squander it away and take it for granted? How often do we just assume that people know that we are invested in them and care, when in fact they have no idea because we couldn't and didn't take the time to let them know? How many times do we politely ask people how they are but are really too busy to wait for the answer or even concentrate on what they have to say? Do you try to always listen when your kids are talking to you as only they can... non stop sometimes about things that are so trivial and small? When your husband leans in for a kiss or wants to hold your hand, or hold you in his arms for a few extra seconds, do you pull away because your dinner might be overdone, or the kids are calling your name? Have you settled into conversing with people only on social networks and email instead of making sure that you speak one on one, face to face?

People need to be invested in. We need to be touched both physically and emotionally. When we spend time with each other both of those needs are usually met. God designed us to be in touch with each other and checked in. I love that my kids love to spend time with me. They know that I love to spend time with them and that when we are together they almost always get my undivided attention. One of my twins will say to me, "I love that I get your whole face when I am talking to you". This means he knows I stop and look right at him when he has something important to say to me and he knows I am listening. I love that Frank knows he needs to spend time with me, check in and see how his wife is doing, not just the momma of his children. I have close friends who know that I need to be talked to, over coffee, lunch or a glass of wine. Friends who laugh with me and cry with me. This can't be done by technology alone but needs to have time and investment in the relationship.

Take time. Take time to ask how a friends is and wait for the answer. Take time to look at your child when they are talking to you, get down to their eye level and engage in the conversation. Take time to linger in your husbands kiss or hug a few extra seconds. Take time to have a cup of coffee or dinner with a friend. Take time... not one of us is guaranteed one more second on this earth.

Check up!

I promised that I would try my best to keep journaling about my progress through my 30 day shed and while I didn't get the chance last week to be on line here, I do have an old fashioned paper journal that I have been keeping daily. It is full of different thoughts and emotions I have day to day while I am on this month of shedding... I will spare you all of them, but will share some of them that I hope you will be able to relate to! Lots of changes are happening with me and sometimes I find I am taking a break and saying to myself, "hold on, take a deep breath, and let Him have it". More than once, the boys have asked me who I am talking to :) You see, God and I aren't just meeting up in the morning for devo time, we are getting close enough to have conversations at different times of the day too. Realizing and remembering that He wants me to come to Him, to cry out to Him, to sing to Him, is becoming more natural to me, more comfortable to me. He is jealous for me, He wants me to bring it to Him, not rely on my husband, or my friends to fix it, He wants to do it, He wants to hear it! In learning to do this, He is teaching me things and answering my requests and quieting my restless spirit. It isn't coming without work and discipline on my part though, but I do see a difference this time ( see previous posts about my struggles).

Ok, so 14 days in to the 30 day shed what have I started shedding? I am shedding my jealousy and discontentment of other women.... you see if you have insecurity issues like I do, you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others especially women. I asked God to take that away from me so I could concentrate on myself and my relationships, especially with Him. He is doing just that for me, reminding me He made me for specific purposes, to be a CM director, to be Frank's wife, Kendra, Austin, Colby and Cam's momma....I am working on being content with all that and not playing in the comparison games. I am working on showing grace. Not just to those around me or those who mean the most to me, but actually to myself. I am my own worst critic, I bug myself and drive myself crazy with all my imperfections and short comings. I would never hold people as accountable as I tend to hold myself. This is helping with the weight too, bonus! I asked God to take away my focus on food. To help me learn to listen to my God given body when it is hungry and when it is full. To not focus on food but on the blessings around me and my relationship with Him. Its really happening! Where previously emotional highs and lows have resulted in food binges for celebration or for comfort, in these two weeks, I have been able to focus on the One who knows my emotions and wants to be my everything. Not easy for me, I am finding, but easier this time. I know it is Him and my approach to this... something is just so different this time.

While I hesitated to share all this in this post, because too many of you have heard me set these goals and have these conversations before, I promised honesty and accountability and this is the real two weeks I have had. My accountability partner and a couple of close friends and I have had good laughs about these changes and other "girl" talks and these too are part of the shed, losing the masks and letting others see the real me. Intimidating and so hard for me, but I am also learning very necessary too. By His grace, I am on a good track and really enjoying these last two weeks! God can do this change, and take me along for the ride and I am loving it so far. Even the yucky, look at yourself, moments have become very cleansing and freeing and I love the after effect.

So, dear readers and friends, continue to pray for me and I will pray for you! I have a long way to go, but I am two weeks closer to the goal and way closer to the Creator. Happy dancing myself around here, 7.7lbs lighter :)

I saw God this week....

This week I was looking for God... purposely looking for Him around me and in my life. This is where I found Him...

~ On my walk, the colors in the leaves and the quiet whisper in the wind

~ My son's face when he was hurting from a fall out of the tree

~ When my home-schooled children burst out singing praise and worship songs while doing their school work

~ My one on one time with Him in the mornings, He showed this seasoned Christian woman some new and exciting things this week!

~ My Ipod

~ My friends, who showed unconditional love and genuine concern to me

~ My daughter's laughter

~ In the mirror

~ My husband who disciplined one of our children, apologized later for his shortcomings, and pulled him into a hug

~ The 100+ kids who call me Ms. Janet

~ In the darkest hours before sleep and first wake up

~Coffee :)

~ A brief but meaningful conversation with a fellow struggler

~ Blogs

~ My lover's unconditional love and admiration for me

He's there... God... he's there just waiting for you to see Him and feel Him. Look for Him on purpose this week, seek Him out. He wants you to!

A Month of Change!

Ok, so this is it.... I have been praying, listening, praying, reading, praying, researching, praying, talking to others, praying..... did I mention praying :) It is no mistake that I have "stumbled upon" articles, verses, and blogs touching on life changes. What an encouragement other women are to me, sharing their struggles and challenges! I have been a reader and occasional commenter at http://www.incourage.me/ and in reading that this week was brought to another blog that interested me: http://beautyandbedlam.com/the-weight-loss-roller-coaster/. Most of you know that I have struggled with my weight for so many years now that it seems like forever. Without going into it all over again with all of you, I am still struggling, therefore this blog intrigued me. While I found interesting information there that I plan on using, I was more intrigued by the sense of community there was between the writer and her readers. I have been longing for community for some time and will expand upon that in another blog post.

The writer decided to do a 30 day shed.... work on eating better and moving each day. She is accountable to close friends and her readers. She is taking off the mask, letting the real her show, and being open and honest about her struggles. I read and admired her determination and prayed. Could I do such a thing? Boy,oh boy, if I committed to do this, like this, would be letting all of you my readers the opportunity to see me fail (again). Prayed more, advice kept coming at me like a freight train. So for the last two weeks I have been thinking, talking to my Father, and researching. Finally, this past weekend it all came together for me (I think!).

So, here it is my 31 day plan! I am focused and committed to making good food choices; eating to live not living to eat. Focusing on something other than what to eat next. I will move my God-given body for at least 30 minutes a day (no excuses).I have joined a dance class and have plans in place for the other six days too, some of it just hiking with my family! I got myself a no-nonsense accountability partner! This is so HUGE for me! I love her, she will tell me just how it is, I have no doubt. She already has me looking at ideas and sites online on how to accomplish some long term goals that I have. She is a fellow Christian sister who I know will be praying for me and I her as we start this new challenge together.

But this isn't all about my weight, either. In this 31 day plan, I am also working on "shedding" my masks, simplifying some of our financial obligations, living more in the moment with my family, and spending more intimate time with my Father. This last part is most important to me, I get so into just getting my devo time done, to say I do it, that I have lost the intimate part I once had with Him.

So, there it is! I am out here, exposed and open in front of you, my friends. Every Monday, I will try to update you on my progress for the week. Please pray for me when you think of it? My commitment at this point is just the 31 days, I am praying it continues but I need to go short term and I am know I can do a month!

Hebrew 12:11 reminds us that “No discipline is pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. “

Seasons

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it.

God is speaking so very loudly to me on this right now and I am trying so hard to sit still and listen... for those of you who know me best, I struggle with both of these things... sitting still and listening :) God's timing is perfect and isn't usually mine. So, I will continue to pray and cry and pour my heart out to my Savior and trust Him to know what is best for me, His daughter!

Internal weeding......

Got myself some weeding to do! Not outside in the yard but inside...not the house... although that needs some attention too.... talking about inside myself in my heart. The place that only my Heavenly Father gets to see. I knew this was coming for some time.... I have been working hard at quieting the Holy Spirit's voice, ignoring some scripture and signs that have been pointing out just where the weeds are.

While some of these weeds are easy to recognize and take care of, others not so much! Knowing that weeds are sin some can be so easy to spot in my life others disguise themselves behind other things. Jealousy and being self centered, laziness and procrastination, and unkind thoughts all can mask themselves and even be hidden because it isn't always shown on the outside of ourselves.

I am praying today that God would continue to show me my weeds in my life and help me remove them permanently and when they do start to show back up that I would recognize it and yank those babies out right away. I want my garden (life) to look full, colorful and healthy not full of nasties :)

Got me thinking!

For those of you who don't already know, this is the youngest and furriest member of our family, Erin. Last night, she decided to head out on an adventure on the local golf course! Out of love for people she found a lady who brought her to the clubhouse and the owners called the local Animal Control Officer who then brought her to the local Humane Society. We found out where she was but not before a house full of tears and anxiety over where our lost family was. She had only been gone for a little over two hours but caused lots of turmoil, and heartbreak in that time. Just knowing that she was inside and not out wondering in the woods was not enough either. Some of us didn't sleep well knowing that she wasn't safe and sound where we could be with her. Little boys woke up with her on their minds and hearts wondering how much longer they would have to wait to love on their little furry friend. The hours seemed like days until the time came for us to call and find out when we could pick her up. Finally, we were all reunited. There were hugs and loves all around and lots of "I missed you" and "Don't ever run away from us again", and "Weren't you scared not being with us baby", and "You look so tired and sad". Reunions with loved ones, even our furry ones, are wonderful!

Once the hustle and bustle had subsided, I took time to sit and let my mind wander as I let the summer breeze wrap me like a warm cashmere blanket. How devastated must our Heavenly Father be when we walk away from Him and His will for us? Over the years, I have walked away from Him so many times.... sometimes for part of the day, other times for a week here and a week there. Even years have gone by that I lived only for myself and not thinking at all what His will for me was. I was living in the moment for the one I loved most, ME! During these times, I knew I was wrong, and when I came back I was so very sorry but often for myself. Walking away from God always brings me pain and I am so repentant for walking away because of the consequence of it, either in my life or how it affected someone else. If I did think about how disappointed God was in me, I dealt with it by telling myself, "God loves me in spite of what I do". Today it hit me just how much we must actually hurt, cause pain to the One who loves us most, when we walk away, eager to explorer the area around us, away from the One who is there to love us and protect us. This brought pain to me, actual pain to my heart! I pray that the next time I go to walk away and "explorer an adventure" I remember this moment in time where I thought bigger than myself and my selfish ways. Here's to hoping!