The Punkin Patch

Birthday Day Times Two!!

2011-10-18T10:00:00.002-04:00

Ten years???? Where did it go and where was I when it was passing me by? I know "they" say, "Enjoy it, it goes by so fast." But really, I had no idea!!

Here I sit this morning remembering where I was ten years ago today. I was scared out of my mind! My anxiety had the best of me. I had never before had a C-Section to have my baby and here it was happening to me. AND my sweet, steady husband was a wreck! So uncharacteristic of him... always the calm one, was suddenly nervous and worried about his sweetheart and his two sons being in an operating room. We made it to the hospital, covered in prayers and love and we were as ready as we would ever be to welcome these two little guys into our lives.
The delivery went as good as we could have prayed for, one of my little guys didn't breathe on his own right away and the other decided he really didn't want to come out just yet and had to be "forced" out (bet you can't guess which one that was???). When it was all done and I was in recovery I had but one goal in mind and that was to see and hold my boys! Oh, how that day seems like just yesterday... not in a proverbially way, really it feels like yesterday.

In these ten years, as a family, we have experienced so much. But these two boys have always been such a bright spot in our home. They truly did complete our family and officially made us a half-dozen family! Each one of them has strengths and they are so generous with them. Both of them are sweet and kind with soft and tender hearts. They are each other's best friend and their biggest cheerleader! And before you think we live in a perfect world (hahaha), they can also fight with each other better than anyone else too!! But at the end of the day, they love each other and they really are wonderful boys.
My heart is sadened a bit today, as I realize that my days of having babies and little boys in my house is coming to an end. But I am also excited and hopeful to see what God has in store for these boys as they become young men and more importantly, men who follow God. I know my mom would have loved to celebrate this day with us and I know she would be so proud of them, of us all.

Happy 10th Birthday sweet boys! You are so very loved and I am so humbled to have been choosen by God to be your mommy. Thank you for what you add to my life and those who have taken the time and the love to be invested in your lives. You both are truly a gift!

I love you both,

Mommy

Uncluttered

2011-09-26T11:05:00.001-04:00

I was spending time with God this morning some while I was sitting still and reading the Word, some while I was hanging laundry outside in the sunshine... But I continually found myself asking Him to quiet my soul and help me to have more time and energy for the things and people in my life that are most important and most of all for more time with Him.

I sat down for my moring coffee and FB check and this song was in my newsfeed....

Coincidence? Nah, definitely a God Sighting!

Happy Monday friends, hugs to you <3

Fantastic Friday!

2011-09-16T11:47:00.002-04:00

Dear Tummy,

Sorry for all the butterflies, its all ^ his fault! <3

Masterpiece

2011-09-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

Ephesians 1:4 - " Even as, in his love, He chose us (actually picked us out for Himself as His own) in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even abovereproach, before Him in love."

Ephesians 2:10 - "For we are God's own Masterpiece (His handiwork) recreated in Christ Jesus..."

You have been chosen!

All of us have a desire to be loved and accepted. We work hard on our relationships here on earth and put great stock in what others think of us, at least I do. But this week while reading in Ephesians, I was smacked in the face with the reminder that even though God knows me best and knows all about me, I MEAN ALL ABOUT ME, He still chose me on purpose. He picked ME out to be His!

Not only was I chosen regardless of the mess I am and make of things, I am also told I am a Masterpiece... WHAT???? Looking in the mirror and at my heart, I can't say I have ever used the word Masterpeice to describe myself. But God does. I don't know alot about art, but what I do know is that Masterpieces take thought and time to create just so. It starts as a thought and keeps being played around with in the artists mind as to what it should look like, and the details... the shadings, and shapes, the colors and curves.. each detail needing special attention and time. Very few pieces of art are declaired a "Masterpiece" and yet scripture tells me that I am one. So are you, my friend! God, the creator of all things, took special time, thought and attention on each detail of you to make you who you are. You are loved that much!

List maker..

2011-09-12T09:43:00.000-04:00

I am a list maker. I love to make a list and check things off as I go. The sense of accomplishment that I get when I see those tasks crossed off is an emotional "high" and puts a smile on my face.

I have two lists going on this Monday morning. One is my task list that I have already begun crossing off as I go. The other is my prayer list and this morning, it is quite long. It contains lots of people who are very important to me and while I am a regular prayer person for people with requests, this morning is different.

Today, a sweet boy I know and love, is swearing into the United State Marine Corps with his mom and dad standing by and watching with pride and tears. My heart is hurting for them and full of pride along side them. I pray for his safety and for his well being. I miss him already.

A dear friend is fighting daily with cancer and my heart is heavy for her and her family and friends that are hurting.

A marriage is falling apart because selfishness has entered the scene and a man found "greener pastures" without responsibilites. This newly single mom is struggling while putting one foot in front of another for her child's sake.

My husband is out working hard, long hours while he is tired. I pray for his safety and for his spirit to stay uplifted. I thank God for him and all that he does for us and what he is to me!

My children. This is a big one. My heart is hurting lots these days. A mother's heart is not meant to be trampled on, yet it will take it over and over again and continue to love. I am asking God specifically this morning to guard my heart and my tongue today.

Genuinly hurting people, whether it be personal choices or by no hand of their own. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually hurting people.

With all of that being said, I am thankful this morning to have a Heavenly Father to lay these requests before and know that He is hearing me and listening to His child's pain and cries. While I will never understand why these things happen to people, I do know that something good and for the glory of God will come of all of these situations.

In the mean time, this list will remain untouched with my Sharpie marker, for now...

A brand new year...

2011-08-11T08:25:00.003-04:00

No your calendar isn't wrong, it isn't January. Its August, one of my favorite months of the year. Since its my birthday this week, I spent some time reflecting and thinking about the past and the future and I am ready to make some changes!

Some of these changes are going to be smooth and easy while others might be more painful both for me and maybe even others around me. I want to be a REAL Jesus girl! Both real in my pains and journey and in my JOY! Making time for the people in my life that WANT to be REAL. I intend to spend more time with my daughter as she starts her journey out of my nest. I want to be at all my son's sporting events and be the loudest cheerleader there so they hear my voice in the stands above everyone else. I want to have time to sit, LISTEN and talk with my freshman son when he gets home and has stuff to share about his day I want to spend more time romancing my boyfriend of almost twenty years. When he reaches for my hand or to wrap me in his arms, I won't pull away to get back to cooking dinner or the kids are asking for me. Instead I will pause and relish the moment and enjoy the tingle and the butterflies he still gives me after all these years! I want to feel more passionately and love more completely. I want to be more spontaneous and "in the moment". I intend to let the over one hundred little ones that God has entrusted to me every Sunday morning to know that I love them and I know they are special because GOD SAYS SO! I will smile more when I am truly happy, looking for the blessings that I receive EVERY day as the gift that they are. I will cry and share when I am sad and hurting with those who truly ask and love me. I will spend time with my Jesus more than just once a day and work on making my time with Him relational and not just to say "there I did it, check".

So, changes are coming and if you my reader would do me a favor? Remind me of this post from time to time and check in and see how my changes are going? I'm sure I'll have lots to share! Happy Birthday to Me!

Hugs!

Saturday morning...

2011-08-06T09:19:00.003-04:00

Its a rare Saturday that I have time to myself. With four active kids, a sweetheart, a home to clean, and a job that I love... rarely do I get the moment on a Saturday to be all by myself. Blessed to have just a few hours to myself this week, I headed to my local coffee shop and as I sat down with my latte in the front window, I found myself sitting and watching people. The small family that came in excited to get "treats" both mom and dad as well as the kids :) The student working hard on the laptop. So many people coming and going on this weekend morning... busy, busy! The scene in front of me was the one that caused me to pause and actually start my blogging. Directly in front of me on the sidewalk this is what I see at the table:

There's a sweet, older couple sitting enjoying their coffee with each other on the sidewalk but its obvious that they are enjoying each other and their time together much more! They share laughter and smiles and they so casually reach for the other's hand from time to time and its like they have done this a million and one times a day. They have caused me to smile and my heart to swell this whole time that I have been watching their dance that they call "life".

What I love best about this is its like looking into my future... its like watching Frank and I from a distance and I am so excited to get there! To spend time with the love of my life is my favorite thing to do and I can't wait to grow old with him.

Happy Saturday friends!

Time Marches On....

2011-08-02T12:43:00.004-04:00

..........marches on or runs at top speed past me? Hmmm not sure but either way it got away from me!Once again, my blogging took a back seat and I was simply unable to get things happening put into my writings and thoughts for you my friends and readers. To you S, my far away friend, know that I was trying to keep you connected by pictures and quick texts but I know you enjoy my writings more and I will do my best to catch you up quickly!

Let's see my last post was in April.... What has happened in our lives since then? Quick recap...

May brought a lot of spring sports for my blessings.... Kendra played varsity softball for the high school team. What a joy it is to watch her becoming a better athlete as the years go by. Even in pain, she gives it 100%, she is a picture of perseverance! Austin played on the Jr.High Baseball team and his team went undefeated and won the Championship game. He loves the game and continues to grow now past all of his family and most of his friends too :) Colby played recreational baseball for the second year and seems to be really getting the hang of the sport. Its fun to watch the twins developing their own interests! Cam played soccer with his best friend and really loved it! He sees himself as a really good player and his confidence is growing by the season. He is a wonderful sport and always congratulates and encourages his team mates. Saturday mornings were a treat for me too, I was able to spend each Saturday catching up with my friend over coffee and soccer! It was truly the highlight of my week. Vacation Bible School and meetings for that quickly started taking up lots of my time at work and at home. We finished our school year strong and were looking forward to longer days and evenings.

June brought us with lots of VBS work and meetings. We took time to celebrate Father's Day with my sweetheart and after some saving and extra work, we were able to spoil him and get him a flat screen TV! It was exciting for the kids and I to do this for the man we love so much and to let him know how much we love him and his hard work for our family! We took off and spent the day after church at Popham Beach with him and had a wonderful day just simply together.

July was ALL about VBS! It was by far one of the most amazing weeks I have ever experienced. Watching my specific prayers answered one by one. From great weather, to unity in workers, to enough supplies for the ever growing number of children that came to our church. Our highest day was 255 kids and I was over the top excited! God showed Himself in a big way and my life was touched and changed in a GREAT way! We also celebrated our oldest son's 14th birthday and had a lot of friends and family here to celebrate him. Austin is such a happy kid and a real joy in my life! He is getting ready to stretch out and leave the safety of our home and enter High School in just 4 weeks. Hard to believe but he is oh so ready!

So here we are in August. We have some day trips planned and some down time ahead of us before the school year gets here. Together with those I love most are now in my radar and whether its the six of us, just some of us, two of us out having dinner and drinks with our friends, or two families out enjoying a ball game or a day at the coast, its sure to be a great month and I am once again counting my blessings!

Hugs!

Thankful Thursday!

2011-04-26T22:20:00.003-04:00

Yup, I missed it... my weekly Multitude on Monday post... so I am improvising with Thankful Thursday this week!

Having just celebrated Resurrection Sunday, I know we have lots to be thankful for. We had a busy, but really great weekend. The Faith Kidz Choir performed on Easter Sunday, and they did so wonderful! To watch these kids sing their hearts out, in complete adoration and worship of our Heavenly Father, caused me to tear up more than once and my heart was bursting with pride!

Easter dinner was spent with family and lifelong friends. As I looked around the table, I quickly mentioned to myself one thing about each of them that has impacted my life. Some caused me to pause longer than others, like when I looked at my husband. As he grabbed my hand under the table and gave me that squeeze that still makes my heart beat fast, I quickly thought about that first time we held hands at my parents house under the table. How time has changed us both, but how it stands still sometimes too. I paused while looking at my daughter. This woman who is smiling again and bringing joy to my life like she has done so many times in our life together. We have had a tough few months while she grows and stretches herself and I learn to step back and give her the room to do it. The love I have for her is uncompared to any other love I have for anyone. Each and every one at that table, had such a huge part of my life. Thankful didn't begin to describe my feelings right then and there.

Still not sure how I have been so blessed in this lifetime, but I know that I am and I have spent many moments with God thanking Him over and over again. The blessings are overflowing and I am loving having a weekly accounting of what those blessings look like! Thanks for reading along...

Hugs!

#74... spring flowers

#75... quiet time

#76... my daughters smile

#77... sunshine and warmth

#78... exercise

#79... new makeup :)

#80... My Jesus

Multitudes on Monday

2011-04-18T22:09:00.006-04:00

As Easter and Resurrection is fast approaching, I find myself thinking often about that time in our history. My heart and mind fill with thoughts and feelings about that day of crucifixion. Because of my mommas heart, I can't help but think about Jesus' mom, Mary. I think about how she must have felt watching her son being treated the way He was, how her heart must have been breaking into millions of pieces. As a mother, she must have wanted to defend her son and take on all those people who were beating him and cursing him, and yet she could do nothing, knowing her son was doing the Lord's will, what he was born on this earth to do. When I think about her, my heart breaks for her. How she must have hurt so badly and how hopeless she must have felt! I think about what a wonderful woman of God she was. How her personality was created long before Jesus' birth, knitted her mother's womb, with the soul purpose of being able to hurt for her son but not actually be able to do anything about it other than to weep. She had a faith and was certain that while she didn't understand the why or the ration behind the act, that God was not allowing anything to happen to her that He hadn't equipped her to deal with. I am so in awe of this wonderfully equipped woman of God!

I am working on that myself.. getting up each morning and telling myself that God isn't going to allow anything to happen in my life that He hasn't equipped me to handle. Some days I do better than others. Other days, I question my strength and abilities to deal with the smallest of issues. I look at other people, women in particular, and am awed by how Godly and in control they seem to be and Satan loves to use that to second guess and feel awful about myself. Then I am reminded that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made". God made me with a purpose exactly as I am! So He also knows what I can handle and what I can accomplish, when I allow Him to do it and not rely on myself.

Thank you God for loving me enough to give up your Son for me and my wickedness. Your gift is beyond my ability to comprehend, but I am eternally grateful!

Hugs!

#66... Warm sunshine

#67... Time on my front porch enjoying the sun and the quiet first thing in the morning

#68... The smell of little boys hair when they have been outside playing in the sun

#69... Surprises from my boys

#70... a healthy marriage

#71... Conferences and new ideas

#72... Laughter and new adventures

#73... conversations with those who know me best without speaking a word

Multitudes on Monday

2011-04-11T22:09:00.014-04:00

So one person CAN change your whole mood and attitude! Why do I let that happen to me? Do you? As of late, I have purposely been working on my heart and attitude. Ok, well, I have lots to work on but I really am trying :) It seems however that the harder I try working on it, the harder there are people around me working at sharing their "not so sunny" dispositions with me :( It doesn't have to be someone I even know by name. You know them, the man who pulled out in front of you while you were driving and then looked at you like you were crazy. The person working at the grocery store who is so mad that she has to ring you up when she was just told she can go on break but YOU had put your groceries on the belt first. The lovely librarian whom you asked to look up a book for you and you have just interrupted their visiting time with their friend on the phone. You've met them too, haven't you? Worse than that, is the people we do know by name, because that means we are invested in them. Our friends, co-workers, and family... for me, that is the worst. Mostly because I love them, I want them to be happy and never upset, sad, or mad. Yeah ok, I know impossible, but if I could make it happen, I would! So when one of them is not happy, neither am I. Even when I try, it just doesn't happen. The worst of it all, is when Frank is unhappy. And that is where we have been as of late.... so while I have been working on my heart and attitude, its been a struggle for me.. because we have been "off". Nothing is wrong but when we are "off" my attitude is really yucky! We are busy and don't have much time together, he is working 7 days a week for the last 18 months and he is tired and frustrated with that, our kids have had some issues as of late and so we have had to deal with that, and while all that is going on he is trying hard to stay involved in his commitments at our church and help out friends and family when needed. So, needless to say, he is tired and cranky and its making me that way too! So, in true Janet fashion, how do you fix this... well of course I get cranky even when I started out in a good mood. I start feeding the fire with the fuel of "He has time and energy for everyone BUT me". "He can be available for his job but when it comes to me, oh no too tired", " He can laugh and fool around with his friends but oh no, not me... I get the yawns, the heavy eyes, and the complaints of the day". Ugh, who is that nasty woman? Yup, its me... sadly. Now before I go into heavy depression about my screw ups and believe me girls, there are plenty, let me tell you this... I love and admire my husband and think he is the MOST amazing man on this earth. The "problem" with that though is I want him to always be happy and energetic when it comes to me and that isn't even reasonable. He knows I love him and so around me, he feels safe and comfortable to let his guard down and just relax, to rest and to share his issues of the day. This is a compliment if I would just take it that way. So, this week I challenge myself to pray harder for this wonderful man of mine, to have enough done that he can just come home and sit and rest, and to encourage him to get to bed earlier and ask God to give him the sleep and rest that he needs to go on another day. AND honestly to ask God to take out that feeling of insecurity I get when Frank is feeling like he is and remember it is not about ME! Can you pray for me too? Hugs! #59... new memories with my best girlfriend for her birthday ( "I thought it was a wrap for my hair") LOL #60... God's timely provisions for our family #61... healthy children #62... spring sports for the kids ( I love to watch them play!) #63... evening walks outside #64... birds singing outside my window to announce the sun has risen and its time to start my day #65... my quiet time before the kids are up.. my comfy chair, my coffee and my Jesus... {{sigh}}

Mother Knows Best...

2011-04-06T07:30:00.000-04:00

I have found myself in a new season of life, letting go.... watching my little girl start to live her life less me and her dad. Wow, is this ever harder than I ever thought it could be!! I am trying my hardest to have faith and not fear in what I have taught her and brought her up to be. I just love her so much and want to keep any harm and hurt far from her. The last two months have been hard on us both as we continue to "grow up" together. The bottom line is, this Disney song describes me perfectly (insert laugh here) and per my little girls request... I am posting it. Love to you my Boo <3

Multitudes on Monday

2011-04-04T19:41:00.005-04:00

Monday already? How fast can a week go by? In my crazy life, apparently pretty fast... I am trying to hang on for this ride but some weeks it just gets away from me and I end up looking a whole like this:

Its not uncommon for us as woman to perfect our juggling acts.. making sure all the people in our lives are happy, healthy, clothed, clean, and where they need to be. I for one, can get so caught up in it all, that I forget to take care of myself. I know, most of us do, but sometimes I really forget to stop even for a moment and catch my breath. So, this past two weeks I have worked specifically on just that, catching my breath. Interestingly enough, I am starting to feel better. Not sure if its the weather changing (although we did have a snowstorm on Friday), the time I am taking to do Yoga, the time I am spending with my best friend, or that finally giving more of myself to God and letting him sort through my "stuff" for me, but all in all, even though most of my "stuff" hasn't changed at all, I feel better!

So, my readers and friends, take some time for YOU this week. Even if its just a few minutes a day, take the time. I think you will be surprised what it will do for your whole situation. AND all those things and people that you take care of day in and day out, will thank you too... you'll be a happier and more relaxed woman and we owe that to them don't we? Hugs, Janet

#52... flowers, fresh cut flowers for no reason at all just because...

#53... nerf dart wars in our home.. actually the giggles it produces

#54... pleasure reading time

#55... hot showers at the end of a good workout

#56... yoga

#57... 2 Timothy 3:16 - thankful for correction and guidance

#58... my hard working husband <3

Blessings

2011-03-29T13:38:00.000-04:00

This song means so much to me these days... I pray it touches you today too <3

Multitudes on Monday

2011-03-28T21:56:00.005-04:00

Det. 2:3

" You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn North."

Seems like I have been circling for well over two months now. I am ready to be done and turn "North" or up, so to say. Most of you know that I have been working my way through the Made to Crave book and study. I have to say, that this is one of the best studies/ self help books I have read in a long time, if not ever. I have really taken a liking to the author Lysa Terkeurst, and feel like she knows me, personally. She is real, to the point, full of empathy and understanding, yet can hammer you over the head with God's truth in such a way, that you get it and get fired up and ready to make changes in your life. Really, if you haven't heard of Lysa or read anything from her, I encourage you to, I think you will love her too!

Back to my circling... there are some messes in my life. Yup, messes.. not something this girl likes to have. I am most content when everything is neat and tidy and when it isn't, not only is there a mess but I am one too. Praise God that He knows about our messes and love us in spite of them and just the same!! Yesterday, I was visiting Lysa's blog and she spoke specifically about messes. She challenged me with this thought:

Am I letting the mess define me or refine me?

If they are defining me - I will feel helpless....

If they are refining me - I will feel hopeful....

There it was my "Ahha moment" Why am I allowing these things to define me instead of refining me? I know God allows things to happen in our lives to bring us to Him to be REFINED... why haven't I been letting Him? I have been consumed with the mess instead of what God is teaching me through the mess. Ok, I read it, hear it, and now I am going to try to apply it...

Here's to turning North (up)!

Continuing in my multitudes of blessings for the year:

#45... a yellow rose plant that appeared at my office door from an unknown friend

#46... arms from a nine year old boy that find their way to my face to have me look him in the eyes while he tells me I am his best friend and he loves me most

#47... the thirteen year old young man who is so very protective of this mom and her feelings

#48... broken relationships (yup I said broken) allowing God to fix it in his time, not mine

#49... tanning beds :) here's to sunshine, quiet, and 15 minutes to myself in a locked room!

#50... for the first time that I can remember NOT turning to food to fix my messes

#51... Whipped Cream ;)

Hugs!

How this spoke to me

2011-03-27T20:40:00.003-04:00

I saw this quote today and I love it!

"God already knows what my tomorrow will be, it will not catch Him off guard.

It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day.

It is when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight

Is more than any man can bare.

Never load yourselves so, my friends. If you find yourselves so loaded, remember this:

It is your own doing, not God's. He begs you to leave the future to Him,

And mind the present." ~ George Macdonald

Thank you Lord for already knowing.....

Real....

2011-03-23T07:25:00.003-04:00

Yeah, so I missed it... what's a girl to do now? What did I miss you ask? I missed posting on Monday my thankful post Multitudes on Monday. Truth is, I have been really having a hard time finding things to be thankful about. I try hard to find them, really I do... but when I am consumed by pain and hurt both in my own life and those I love. Don't get me wrong, I know God is still blessing me in spite of what is going on in my life.. but focusing on the blessings and actually acknowledging them here with you on my blog is just really hard right now and that my readers is real.
Praying that next Monday will find me in a much more thankful frame of mind and spirit!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-03-14T13:07:00.004-04:00

Happy Monday friends! This is said with a smile and a cheery voice just from my laptop to you! Not because I am feeling especially "Pollyanna" like today, but because I think we need to be encouraged by each other and so this is me doing my part.

(Mud bath!!)

This past week has been messy! No other way to put it but that... messy. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.. yeah we had it all. However, God is still in control and is still suspending the sun in the day sky and the stars in the night. There can be such a comfort in that if we would just take a breath and process that. That same God loves me, my husband, and my kids far more than this momma's heart can so when I am hurting, that God hurts too but knows there is so much more to the picture than what I can see in front of me and THAT is what I have to rest in. A close friend of mine told me yesterday, that in three months from now we won't even be giving this day a second thought. Just three months! Sure, there might be some repercussions still but the pain, panic, and heavy-heartedness of that moment will be gone and joy will have been found again in the in-between. AND I have decided to pray specifically that it would have made me stronger and more grown up in my relationships in all aspects.

In the mean time, I am still counting my multitudes of blessings and even with ALL that I have had going on, there were plenty to be found and more than once I was vocalizing my thanks to the God who gives more than this Jesus girl deserves in this lifetime!

#38... the way the Body works together to help one another

#39... while cooking dinner, the strong arms that wrap around me and make me feel 17 again

#40... piles of laundry because it means my house is full of people I love

#41... a working furnace even after having had a mud bath

#42... the small patches of bare ground that is starting to show itself from under the snow banks

#43... the three sensitive hearts of the young men that have been given to me to raise

#44... daylight savings... while I am struggling with the change in time.. I am loving the longer amounts of daylight

Hugs!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-03-07T11:04:00.004-05:00

I missed last week being able to share with you the stuff going on here in the Punkinpatch. Our family has had one thing after another for the past two weeks and that has kept me from being able to sit and blog, and to be honest I was really having to purposely look for those multitudes of blessings. I never doubted that they were there, but when you are down in the mud and grim of life, its hard to have the energy to look for them and to recognize them.

If you had listened hard enough, you might have heard this sound in our home last week. Heart break was abundant here and it resonated itself from my husband and I completely down to the twins. All different reasons, but none the less, it was there and it seemed when I listened hard enough I could really hear the sound of breaking glass.

How this put into perspective once again for me what our decisions and lack of self control do to our Heavenly Father! When I think of the times that I do my own thing, say things before I think, and have lack of regard for how my actions might offend someone else... I am so very thankful once again for God's grace, because I certainly don't deserve it! As a parent in a rough patch right now, I can only try to execute a minuet amount of the grace that God shows upon me to our child and pray that through this, she too might become ever thankful for the grace of the One who loves her most.

People keep telling me this is only a season in my life and one day I will look back at it and see how we all have handled it and grown, for now I will continue to fall into the arms of my Heavenly Father and lay on the chest of my earthly husband and know that they do have my best interest and will catch me when I can't stand on my own any longer.....

Hugs!

#30... a warm home

#31... singing with 30 children in preparation for the upcoming Easter season

#32... people who speak the truth in love

#33... technology that allows me to have people in my life when it isn't possible to be sitting next to each other

#34... new recipes and ideas

#35... a giving and self-less husband

#36... my sister

#37... christian radio and music

Laughter

2011-02-27T19:37:00.002-05:00

Such a wonderful gift... the people or events in your life that make you laugh! Even when I don't really feel like it, laughing is a wonderful feeling. You can't be angry and laugh at the same time.... you can't be sad and laugh at the same time... you can't cry and laugh at the same time unless the tears are from laughing so hard of course! The sound of laughter alone is enough to make me laugh. My children's laughter is one of my favorite sounds in this whole world. A fast cure to a bad day is a friend who can share something with me to make me laugh. One of the things I love most about my sweetheart is he knows how to make me laugh and I love laughing with him. I have great friends that my best memories of spending time with them is in side-splitting laughter sometimes over dinner in a local restaurant or over coffee or at our home playing a driving game on a video game system! Laughter is a wonderful thing, and I feel so blessed when I am laughing and with those I love most!

Hugs!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-02-21T20:11:00.002-05:00

Gratefulness is abundant in my heart today! If you follow my blog regularly, you know that last week was a tough week for me full of highs and lows. I prayed hard this weekend that this would be a week where I would have some relief of some of the heaviness that I had been having and experience some joy-filled moments. Once again, my Jesus answered me in a big way today. My sweetheart had the day off today to spend with us. You see, he NEVER has a day off with us. God has blessed our family with a hard working man who knows his role is to be our provider and protector doing whatever it takes to take care of us, my hero and my man, he has great integrity and honesty and people know they can count on him.. especially me. Due to Presidents Day, he had today off and what a joy there was in our home to have Daddy home with us.

The day started at 9:00am for me.... yeah that's right I slept in our bed until 9:00am!! That's the latest I have slept in such a long time that I don't remember the last time. He was up spending time with the boys while I slept. Then he made us a wonderful and BIG breakfast! Pancakes, turkey bacon, eggs, and hash browns covered our dining room table and the smiles from our family were just as big. Then, yes ladies he is totally taken (insert grin here), he cleaned the kitchen and dining room up for me while I showered and actually shaved my legs without one of the boys even once knocking on the door to see if I was done YET???!

We took the boys bowling and had such a great time playing with our children. What fun there is to get out of the house and do something like that... with Daddy! And my sweetie and I had a little competitive "wager" on who would win the second game and well lets just say I will be enjoying a nice long back massage tonight ;)

He took us to Starbucks for my favorite drink treat and because I knew the trivia question answer, I received a shot of espresso in my latte FREE... oh yeah! Then we returned home, it was card games with the boys that brought more laughter, smiles and fun. Dinner was a success and some good old fashioned wrestling and horse play was had by all the boys while I watched and hoped this moment in time would remain in my mind forever.

Such a great Monday and my prayers have been answered... for today my heart is full of contentment and gratitude and there is no heaviness to be found. Only love and thankfulness here! Thank you Lord for your gifts and blessings on me!

#24... the way my husband fathers our sons, teaching them to be men among men

#25... Starbucks, oh how I love thee

#26... a card sent to me with a gift card to my favorite book store with instructions on spending time on and with myself

#27... makeup and lotions

#28... laughter and private moments with a girlfriend who knows me well enough to know that is what was needed to make the hurt, hurt a little less

#29... Proverbs 31 and LT :)

Hugs!

Week of emotional lows and highs....

2011-02-20T17:50:00.007-05:00

I started the week thinking of only her and what I am missing and what SHE has been missing out on...

Then I was extremely happy just days later when we celebrated Austin and his team with this....

Yeah, that's him. the handsome one fourth in from the left side! He and his team were the league champions with a completely undefeated team :) Yes, I am absoulutely one proud momma!

Then I had to pack up and send my sweetie off for the weekend for a youth group staff retreat and the sadness returned. See, we don't travel for business or without each other so I was not happy. I am thrilled that he is involved with the teens of our church but I missed him terribly. I am not made to be on my own, I am made to be beside him in this life and when we aren't together, there is definitely something missing.... So, when he walked through the door today to me, my heart skipped a beat and I felt happy again (he does that to me still after all these years!).

Needless to say, I am looking forward to a more "even" week this week! What does your week look like?

Hugs!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-02-14T17:33:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentines Day to you my readers! Valentines Day isn't one of my favorite days but regardless I do love my husband, my children, my sister and brother in love, and my friends. So in that light, I can wish you all a Happy Valentines Day! Most of you know this already, but for those followers and readers I have picked up by blogging, then let me set it straight for you that I am not a romance killer or anything of the like... actually quite the opposite. My sweetheart would tell you quite the opposite, I am a die-hard romantic and often should be swept away to a much more romantic period in time. That being said, I will tell you that I lost my very best friend and mom on Valentines day.. that was the day she went to heaven to be with the true lover of her soul, Jesus. So you can only imagine that this day has lost its fun and love for me. Among the pain and the sadness though there are blessing to be found and counted and I am happy to be able to share them even though my heart isn't feeling so grateful today.

#18... the sensitive spirits of my son , who cries because his momma is just so sad

#19... warmer temperatures reminding me that a new season is coming soon

#20... longer hours of daylight. Very helpful to someone who suffers from seasonal depression

#21... that I didn't turn to food for my comfort, instead turned to my husband, my friends and my Jesus to carry me through. This is the first time I can say I have done that.

#22... wonderful and vivid memories of my mom.

#23... regardless of the pain, a peace that began the day mom went to be with her Savior to this day, that I will see her again and cannot wait to run into her arms

XOXO - Happy Valentine's Day!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-02-07T21:07:00.002-05:00

I so enjoy this time of reflection over a week of blessings! But I do need to be honest with all of you my readers and let you know this week was not a great week for me in most ways but clearly God held this daughter of His closely, and I rested in His arms for most of this week and am continuing my stay for a while. He truly is holding and catching every tear that I have cried these days and I know He must hurt for me as only a parent can when we see our own children hurting. I also learned this week that the old saying of "God never gives us more than we can handle" is one of the most false statements ever to be said. You see God purposely gives us more than we can handle so that we can turn to Him to help us, to guide us and to even carry us when we can no longer do it ourselves. What an eye opener for me! All this time I have been convinced that I have been given things to handle because God sees me as this strong person who can just keep handling everything that He gives me... piling and piling one thing on top of another. I joke with my sweetie and those closest to me, "God must have me confused with another Janet Johnson!" Lol... no, He just needed me to see that I have a lesson to learn and that is that He keeps giving me things hoping that I will lean on Him to help me through it and not just handle it all on my own. Have I told you before that I am a really slow learner? What about you? What has God revealed to you this week?

#12... memories of my best friend, my mom

#13... having 120 kids in my life on a weekly basis

#14... reading my boys writing journals

#15... cooking and baking in our home

#16... the way snow looks first thing on a sunny morning.. all sparkling and shiny

#17... new levels of energy and joy in spite of the time and season I am in

Hugs!

Oh yeah....

2011-02-02T10:22:00.003-05:00

I received this email yesterday and let me tell you, this momma's heart was so very full.....

Kendra Johnson to me show details Feb 1 (1 day ago)

Good morning beautiful! I just wanted to say how proud I am of you and how happy I am for you and your new healthy lifestyle! You are looking so good and just seem happier lately! I know that you probably feel like I don't always want to spend time with the family but thats not true at all! I love you all I have just been trying to spend some time with some other friends! :) I love you all so much and I love you more than anything! Your the best mom love you tons! Keep up the good work :)
<3 Boo

Its things like this that let this mom know that when the rest of the world is falling apart or things feel so very big and overwhelming, these are the things and people that matter!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-01-31T21:10:00.003-05:00

What a treat it has been to sit and not just seek but CRAVE the many gifts that God is sending my way now that I am asking Him to show me even in my everyday life! This season in my life is one of wonder and awe... I feel like a small child in school and can't get enough of the things I am learning. Part of me feels infantile and weak, but I know that is Satan working at trying his best to keep me from the truth. The other part of me is wanting to sit and listen and read and dwell in His presence all while feeling like He is sitting right there in the living room beside me. Really, is it any wonder I can't get enough of that? God's timing is perfect and I am so pleased that at this time, a time I morn the loss of my friend, my mom; that He is closer to me than I can remember and for that I am so counting my blessings!

#12... being able to buy 2 size smaller jeans!

#13... creativity... both mine and those around me

#14... technology

#15... answered prayers for friends and family

#16... peace

#17... children who truly are hiding God's Word in their hearts

#18... grace.. God's mostly, but also those who I have wronged or offended and their ability to show grace to me. Also, my ability to exercise it on those I love and care about and want to show Jesus to.

Hugs to you while you seek out your own multitudes of blessings this week!

February

2011-01-30T18:03:00.004-05:00

For those who know me best, you know that February is a very hard month for me. For those who don't know me that well, I will tell you that this is the month I lost my best friend, my momma. It's also her birthday month so while the tears are also married with good memories and smiles, I miss her so very much! This was her favorite song of all time, and when ever I hear it, I think of her and the tears flow. A woman of great faith and determination and she truly believed that her God was a Big God who could do anything and I know she is with Him now watching over the sparrows too! I hope you too enjoy Sandi Patty singing this beautiful song she loved so much!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-01-24T20:52:00.003-05:00

We are back here to Monday again and I am really enjoying looking for the gifts God keeps giving to me when I really take the time to look for them and not just take things for granted. Again if you haven't had the chance to check out Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience, I really encourage you to, right now! No, really now is good :) She is such a talented writer and I am just awed by her and her heart as a Jesus girl. I received her book today One Thousand Gifts in the mail and I am so excited to get started on it tonight when I snuggle down into our nice warm bed. Your blessings are there, I promise. You just have to look for them. God is so good to us and loves us so much and He lavishes Himself upon us. He could have had the rocks cry out in praise but He chose YOU and ME! He wants us to see our gifts and be thankful out LOUD! Girlfriend, get busy looking around you and get LOUD in thankfulness

#6... Christian Radio... I listen to it no matter where I am, home. car, work wherever and I am so blessed by it.

#7... My electric blanket... I know trival, but when I snuggle down into our bed and it is all warm and toasty, I am thankful!

#8... Soft and sensitive spirits. Many people are surrounding me at this time in my life that are filled with soft, sweet and sensitive spirits and for that I am very thankful

#9... Renewed Relationships

#10... New books! Thank you Ann for writting and publishing your newest child in the form of a book :)

#11... Lysa T

Hugs to you as you count your gifts this week!

This is the stuff....

2011-01-18T19:21:00.001-05:00

If you're at all like me, you can so relate my friends!!

Multitudes on Monday

2011-01-17T14:46:00.002-05:00

I have been hanging out, having coffee, and getting to know this beautiful woman at this blog http://www.aholyexperience.com/ for about a year now. I love her. I love her writing. I love how she makes me look deep into my heart and examine it. I love how she makes me laugh and cry with the same read. I just really enjoy this blog, more than most! So, I have decided to join her and other bloggers in the Multitudes on Monday blog posting. Its a chance to share our multitude of blessings that we are experiencing in our everyday lives. So my intention is to blog every Monday a few of the gifts and blessings I have experienced during the week. Look around and see what God has blessed you with this week. Leave a comment below and share some of them with me!

#1... coffee! I enjoy my cups of coffee with my Jesus, my friends, and by myself

#2... My husbands hands. They are rough and cracked from hard work, but the most gentle hands I have ever seen. The way he holds my hand in his....

#3... Blogs. Inspirational, funny, thought provoking, heart searching, educational.. I love reading others blogs.

#4... little boys (mine anyway). The love from them is enough to charge me for a whole day.

#5... Teen love. It reminds me of where Frank and I started and reassures me that love can last a lifetime!

Once upon a time....

2011-01-11T15:22:00.003-05:00

I am a sucker for a good romantic story, so when I was rethinking the last 48 hours of my life, it sounded something like this:

"Once Upon a Time, there was a man who worked so very hard day in and day out. Seven days a week he worked for those he loved most, his bride of almost seventeen years, his only daughter, and his three knights in training. While the loves of his life missed him dearly while he was away, they loved him so very much for being a man of integrity, hard working, and dependable, knowing it was for them that he had the rough hands and aches and pains that he wore very much like the ratted jeans he stepped into each morning on his way out the door. On this particular day that starts the new week, he arose early to assist his bride on her job that takes her away from their home a couple of days a week. He takes care to be sure she is all set, from making sure she has food to making sure her coffee is just right. They work side by side without anything verbalized. You see when you know someone as long as these two do, no words need to be spoken. Glances, body language, and love speak louder than any words ever could. He heads off to his second place of employment and works long, hard hours in the cold air. His job requires him to be in the cold air and work with water all while having a smile on that handsome face and being a pleasure to all he comes in contact with. After his time card has been documented and his feet are placed into his ride to home, he heads to the grocery store to pick up a few items his bride asked him to so that she could be at their home, staying warm and snuggling with the three knights in training. It seems to her that it is a long time before he arrives, but he does and her heart beats a little faster when she hears his footsteps in the doorway. He arrives like a little boy all tired and dirty from working hard out in the elements of weather and from it being the beginning of the week but having had no time off to rest. He bring her a card telling her how proud he is of her and how much he loves her and thinks of her through out the day. Her heart melts and for a brief moment they are seventeen and eighteen again.
The following morning, life is back to more of the same. He arises and pulls on those jeans and wears the aches and pains once again. His face is both sad and happy at the same time. Sad to leave those he loves most again, yet happy that he is blessed enough to have a house full of love. He heads out the door and kisses her with a kiss that lasts all day long, on purpose, he needs her to know there will be another for her when he returns later on after the sun has set. He meets up with her at their eldest knight in trainings basketball game and in a crowd of people, his eyes meet hers and she is the only person in the whole gymnasium. He cheers for his son with pride and when the game has been won and is complete, they head to their home and settle in for a cozy evening. However, the youngest of the knights, is weepy and pale. He lays on his mother, this mans bride, and he is worried about this young man. The youngest lays between the two people he knows love him most and this man who has worked so hard for so many days partners with her and takes care of him regardless of how very tired his bones and earthly body are. Their glances meet and love is exchanged. While she holds her youngest in her arms, the man places his hand on her arm to let her know, he is worried too but believes in his Father who loves him more than even she does. The night is long and there are many tears but the sun rises with a resting knight and his momma sleeping and the man again puts on his ratted jeans and aches and pains and heads out of the door. Life continues and time wears on him but he is oh so blessed and in love with his bride of almost seventeen years."

This story is still being written and I pray there are so many more chapters to this book. The point of my story is this. Romance wears many faces. From the card for no reason to holding a bowl for the youngest child while he is sick. I love him and I can't imagine my life without him walking beside me and carrying me when I need it most. I love you sweetheart!

Reviewing 2010 and Looking Forward to 2011

2011-01-03T14:00:00.005-05:00

How did it happen that I didn't update my blog since October 2010? I just looked back at my blog drafts and I had 12 drafts that I didn't get to finish between my last blog and today....I think life has had me pretty busy, don't you? So, to make this post not too long but in order to catch all of my readers up to date on our lives, I am going to do a brief listing of what we have been up to since the end of October and then let you know some of the things I am looking forward to in 2011.

Since October I/we have:

My sweet husband gave me my Christmas present early and sent me away on a mommy-break with one of my best girlfriends to New York City! It was the best gift he could have given me this year. We did all the typical "touristy" stuff, saw the sights, did the shopping, and the eating. We saw Mary Poppins on Broadway, my sweet friends life-long dream and made our way over to Carlos Bakery in New Jersey, home of the TLC show Cake Boss... a dream of mine for a long time! This was a trip I will never forget and am oh so grateful to have experienced it with one of the most wonderful girls I know. Thank you sweetheart for knowing just what I needed even more than I did!
At the end of this trip, this same girlfriend and I joined other women from our church and I attended my first Women of Faith Conference in Hartford, CT. What an amazing experience this was! I laughed, cried, had my heart broken only to have God start healing it, and got to know some women from my own church that I didn't know well at all. The speakers were amazing and the worship team that lead over 10,000 women in praise and worship songs was the most amazing thing I have ever been apart of. I can only imagine what Heaven will be like! I know this was not the only WOF conference I will have attended in my lifetime, that's for sure!
We celebrated Thanksgiving in our home in Vassalboro for the first time. What a blessing to have our family and close friends here with us. We had lots of room for everyone to hang out and play games and it was such a great meal. The family time was the best and most important part and the memories made will last a lifetime!
Just after Thanksgiving, I weighed in twenty-five pounds less than I was in September.
We decorated our home for Christmas right after Thanksgiving. We had 5 Christmas trees and soft white lights lighted our home most days and evenings well into the New Year. We had get-togethers with friends and family over the holidays and enjoyed getting to know each other better and celebrate the true meaning of CHRISTmas!
2010 came to a close with a huge get-together with lots of friends and family! New Years Eve was a home full of special people sharing good food, laughter, games and memories of the past year. It couldn't have ended any better than being kissed by the boy turned man who has had my heart for the past twenty years

So, that brings us current. Let me list a few things I am looking forward to and some goals for me for 2011....

Every other month, inviting friends over to our home to share dinner with us and get to know them better.
Blogging at least twice a week
Monthly date nights with my boyfriend
Watching our children grow and move into new areas of life this coming year
Continuing to get physically healthy! Being a lighter weight, buying smaller clothes, and actually running on the roads this spring.
Starting a new Bible Study
Learning contentment... in all things

Thank you all for your friendship and love that you have shown to me and my family this past year! We are so blessed by knowing all of you and we are excited to see what happens with all of you this coming year! Happy New Year!!!

I love these books!

2010-10-28T10:44:00.006-04:00

Any of you who really knows me, knows that I LOVE books! I love to read! For pleasure, for educational purposes, to my children, other blogs... I just really enjoy reading. I'll give you a sneak peek into what I am reading right now :)

Really some GREAT stuff in all of these books! What I am really enjoying is working on accepting me just as I am... knowing what I am and what I am not is quite a freeing thing :)

Hugs!

Slow and Steady.....

2010-10-25T19:50:00.002-04:00

Wednesday will be the end of my 31 day challenge to myself. I just couldn't wait until then to share some of the things I have been able to shed with you, my friends, my faithful readers!

The first thing I learned is be careful what you ask God to do in your life :) I mean this in a good way, but I need to tell you that when you ask God to show you something or to do something in your life, watch out for what comes your way! While most of this month has been really great things, some of the things God has shown me have been down right painful and I have had to do some much needed house cleaning and weeding, if you know what I mean ;) The funny thing is that when I started this little part of the journey (I'll write more on this later), part of my prayer time I was asking God to change others, to work on their hearts and attitudes toward me and how they treat me and my family. Why do I think that is funny? Because it really was me that God ended up working on... my heart, my attitude, my relationships. I have heard others say this before, but I really got to experience it first hand. Once I started focusing on Him and listening to what He was trying to tell me through His word, other people, blogs, sermons, etc... how very clear all my own sin and issues are becoming. Not that I ever have felt perfect or even deserving, but I also realized that I let people determine my worth and my value and I am now more aware that only can come for the One who loves me so perfectly! What also is happening is that by allowing my masks to fall, I have opened up new relationships and accountability partners that have come along side me and these have started new and exciting times and adventures for me, God is so good!

I wanted to start some kind of movement and exercise during these 31 days and challenged myself to do SOMETHING 30 minutes each day. I was pretty successful at this and made it most days with a couple of exceptions. All in all, happy with the start and looking into and forward to new endeavors :) I am not one who enjoys sweat or exercise but I am one to enjoy a fun time and playing with my boys. I also started a Zumba class and really LOVE it! It kicks my butt but I feel so good afterwards and noticed a difference after the first two classes :D I am excited to start some new strength training in the next week or so along with some harder cardio to get my heart pumping even more! Exercise does make me feel better :)

Last but not least, because it is actually the part of this 31 day shed that started it all was the weight.... I gave myself 31 days to lose 10lbs as my first goal. Last week, 10 days before I had marked on my calendar, I weighed in at 10lbs and 1 oz lighter than I was on Sept 27 when this all began! God is so cool, He gave me that 1 extra oz as a bonus and believe me I am counting it :)! I have more goals in my journal and in my mind and I will share them with you all from time to time. Not only is my physical weight lighter but with it is going some emotional weight and that feels so very good :)

Please continue to pray for me. This is a tricky and hard time for me... usually I get confident and comfortable and then I fall... instead of my dependence on Him, I get confident on my own and start slacking on my complete dependence on Him as I am right now. And I am committed to praying for you my friends! I don't know all that God is doing in your life, but I do know it is something. He tells us in Philippians 1:6 "He who began a good work in you is faithful to bring it to completion". Claim it and own it, He loves us too much to leave us like we are!

Hugs!

Time....

2010-10-16T21:55:00.003-04:00

Time, where and how do you spend it? Do you invest it in those most important to you or do you squander it away and take it for granted? How often do we just assume that people know that we are invested in them and care, when in fact they have no idea because we couldn't and didn't take the time to let them know? How many times do we politely ask people how they are but are really too busy to wait for the answer or even concentrate on what they have to say? Do you try to always listen when your kids are talking to you as only they can... non stop sometimes about things that are so trivial and small? When your husband leans in for a kiss or wants to hold your hand, or hold you in his arms for a few extra seconds, do you pull away because your dinner might be overdone, or the kids are calling your name? Have you settled into conversing with people only on social networks and email instead of making sure that you speak one on one, face to face?

People need to be invested in. We need to be touched both physically and emotionally. When we spend time with each other both of those needs are usually met. God designed us to be in touch with each other and checked in. I love that my kids love to spend time with me. They know that I love to spend time with them and that when we are together they almost always get my undivided attention. One of my twins will say to me, "I love that I get your whole face when I am talking to you". This means he knows I stop and look right at him when he has something important to say to me and he knows I am listening. I love that Frank knows he needs to spend time with me, check in and see how his wife is doing, not just the momma of his children. I have close friends who know that I need to be talked to, over coffee, lunch or a glass of wine. Friends who laugh with me and cry with me. This can't be done by technology alone but needs to have time and investment in the relationship.

Take time. Take time to ask how a friends is and wait for the answer. Take time to look at your child when they are talking to you, get down to their eye level and engage in the conversation. Take time to linger in your husbands kiss or hug a few extra seconds. Take time to have a cup of coffee or dinner with a friend. Take time... not one of us is guaranteed one more second on this earth.

Check up!

2010-10-11T08:46:00.003-04:00

I promised that I would try my best to keep journaling about my progress through my 30 day shed and while I didn't get the chance last week to be on line here, I do have an old fashioned paper journal that I have been keeping daily. It is full of different thoughts and emotions I have day to day while I am on this month of shedding... I will spare you all of them, but will share some of them that I hope you will be able to relate to! Lots of changes are happening with me and sometimes I find I am taking a break and saying to myself, "hold on, take a deep breath, and let Him have it". More than once, the boys have asked me who I am talking to :) You see, God and I aren't just meeting up in the morning for devo time, we are getting close enough to have conversations at different times of the day too. Realizing and remembering that He wants me to come to Him, to cry out to Him, to sing to Him, is becoming more natural to me, more comfortable to me. He is jealous for me, He wants me to bring it to Him, not rely on my husband, or my friends to fix it, He wants to do it, He wants to hear it! In learning to do this, He is teaching me things and answering my requests and quieting my restless spirit. It isn't coming without work and discipline on my part though, but I do see a difference this time ( see previous posts about my struggles).

Ok, so 14 days in to the 30 day shed what have I started shedding? I am shedding my jealousy and discontentment of other women.... you see if you have insecurity issues like I do, you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others especially women. I asked God to take that away from me so I could concentrate on myself and my relationships, especially with Him. He is doing just that for me, reminding me He made me for specific purposes, to be a CM director, to be Frank's wife, Kendra, Austin, Colby and Cam's momma....I am working on being content with all that and not playing in the comparison games. I am working on showing grace. Not just to those around me or those who mean the most to me, but actually to myself. I am my own worst critic, I bug myself and drive myself crazy with all my imperfections and short comings. I would never hold people as accountable as I tend to hold myself. This is helping with the weight too, bonus! I asked God to take away my focus on food. To help me learn to listen to my God given body when it is hungry and when it is full. To not focus on food but on the blessings around me and my relationship with Him. Its really happening! Where previously emotional highs and lows have resulted in food binges for celebration or for comfort, in these two weeks, I have been able to focus on the One who knows my emotions and wants to be my everything. Not easy for me, I am finding, but easier this time. I know it is Him and my approach to this... something is just so different this time.

While I hesitated to share all this in this post, because too many of you have heard me set these goals and have these conversations before, I promised honesty and accountability and this is the real two weeks I have had. My accountability partner and a couple of close friends and I have had good laughs about these changes and other "girl" talks and these too are part of the shed, losing the masks and letting others see the real me. Intimidating and so hard for me, but I am also learning very necessary too. By His grace, I am on a good track and really enjoying these last two weeks! God can do this change, and take me along for the ride and I am loving it so far. Even the yucky, look at yourself, moments have become very cleansing and freeing and I love the after effect.

So, dear readers and friends, continue to pray for me and I will pray for you! I have a long way to go, but I am two weeks closer to the goal and way closer to the Creator. Happy dancing myself around here, 7.7lbs lighter :)

I saw God this week....

2010-10-04T08:39:00.003-04:00

This week I was looking for God... purposely looking for Him around me and in my life. This is where I found Him...

~ On my walk, the colors in the leaves and the quiet whisper in the wind

~ My son's face when he was hurting from a fall out of the tree

~ When my home-schooled children burst out singing praise and worship songs while doing their school work

~ My one on one time with Him in the mornings, He showed this seasoned Christian woman some new and exciting things this week!

~ My Ipod

~ My friends, who showed unconditional love and genuine concern to me

~ My daughter's laughter

~ In the mirror

~ My husband who disciplined one of our children, apologized later for his shortcomings, and pulled him into a hug

~ The 100+ kids who call me Ms. Janet

~ In the darkest hours before sleep and first wake up

~Coffee :)

~ A brief but meaningful conversation with a fellow struggler

~ Blogs

~ My lover's unconditional love and admiration for me

He's there... God... he's there just waiting for you to see Him and feel Him. Look for Him on purpose this week, seek Him out. He wants you to!

A Month of Change!

2010-09-27T12:10:00.002-04:00

Ok, so this is it.... I have been praying, listening, praying, reading, praying, researching, praying, talking to others, praying..... did I mention praying :) It is no mistake that I have "stumbled upon" articles, verses, and blogs touching on life changes. What an encouragement other women are to me, sharing their struggles and challenges! I have been a reader and occasional commenter at http://www.incourage.me/ and in reading that this week was brought to another blog that interested me: http://beautyandbedlam.com/the-weight-loss-roller-coaster/. Most of you know that I have struggled with my weight for so many years now that it seems like forever. Without going into it all over again with all of you, I am still struggling, therefore this blog intrigued me. While I found interesting information there that I plan on using, I was more intrigued by the sense of community there was between the writer and her readers. I have been longing for community for some time and will expand upon that in another blog post.

The writer decided to do a 30 day shed.... work on eating better and moving each day. She is accountable to close friends and her readers. She is taking off the mask, letting the real her show, and being open and honest about her struggles. I read and admired her determination and prayed. Could I do such a thing? Boy,oh boy, if I committed to do this, like this, would be letting all of you my readers the opportunity to see me fail (again). Prayed more, advice kept coming at me like a freight train. So for the last two weeks I have been thinking, talking to my Father, and researching. Finally, this past weekend it all came together for me (I think!).

So, here it is my 31 day plan! I am focused and committed to making good food choices; eating to live not living to eat. Focusing on something other than what to eat next. I will move my God-given body for at least 30 minutes a day (no excuses).I have joined a dance class and have plans in place for the other six days too, some of it just hiking with my family! I got myself a no-nonsense accountability partner! This is so HUGE for me! I love her, she will tell me just how it is, I have no doubt. She already has me looking at ideas and sites online on how to accomplish some long term goals that I have. She is a fellow Christian sister who I know will be praying for me and I her as we start this new challenge together.

But this isn't all about my weight, either. In this 31 day plan, I am also working on "shedding" my masks, simplifying some of our financial obligations, living more in the moment with my family, and spending more intimate time with my Father. This last part is most important to me, I get so into just getting my devo time done, to say I do it, that I have lost the intimate part I once had with Him.

So, there it is! I am out here, exposed and open in front of you, my friends. Every Monday, I will try to update you on my progress for the week. Please pray for me when you think of it? My commitment at this point is just the 31 days, I am praying it continues but I need to go short term and I am know I can do a month!

Hebrew 12:11 reminds us that “No discipline is pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. “

Seasons

2010-09-20T20:58:00.002-04:00

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it.

God is speaking so very loudly to me on this right now and I am trying so hard to sit still and listen... for those of you who know me best, I struggle with both of these things... sitting still and listening :) God's timing is perfect and isn't usually mine. So, I will continue to pray and cry and pour my heart out to my Savior and trust Him to know what is best for me, His daughter!

Internal weeding......

2010-09-07T11:30:00.004-04:00

Got myself some weeding to do! Not outside in the yard but inside...not the house... although that needs some attention too.... talking about inside myself in my heart. The place that only my Heavenly Father gets to see. I knew this was coming for some time.... I have been working hard at quieting the Holy Spirit's voice, ignoring some scripture and signs that have been pointing out just where the weeds are.

While some of these weeds are easy to recognize and take care of, others not so much! Knowing that weeds are sin some can be so easy to spot in my life others disguise themselves behind other things. Jealousy and being self centered, laziness and procrastination, and unkind thoughts all can mask themselves and even be hidden because it isn't always shown on the outside of ourselves.

I am praying today that God would continue to show me my weeds in my life and help me remove them permanently and when they do start to show back up that I would recognize it and yank those babies out right away. I want my garden (life) to look full, colorful and healthy not full of nasties :)

Got me thinking!

2010-09-01T21:12:00.003-04:00

For those of you who don't already know, this is the youngest and furriest member of our family, Erin. Last night, she decided to head out on an adventure on the local golf course! Out of love for people she found a lady who brought her to the clubhouse and the owners called the local Animal Control Officer who then brought her to the local Humane Society. We found out where she was but not before a house full of tears and anxiety over where our lost family was. She had only been gone for a little over two hours but caused lots of turmoil, and heartbreak in that time. Just knowing that she was inside and not out wondering in the woods was not enough either. Some of us didn't sleep well knowing that she wasn't safe and sound where we could be with her. Little boys woke up with her on their minds and hearts wondering how much longer they would have to wait to love on their little furry friend. The hours seemed like days until the time came for us to call and find out when we could pick her up. Finally, we were all reunited. There were hugs and loves all around and lots of "I missed you" and "Don't ever run away from us again", and "Weren't you scared not being with us baby", and "You look so tired and sad". Reunions with loved ones, even our furry ones, are wonderful!

Once the hustle and bustle had subsided, I took time to sit and let my mind wander as I let the summer breeze wrap me like a warm cashmere blanket. How devastated must our Heavenly Father be when we walk away from Him and His will for us? Over the years, I have walked away from Him so many times.... sometimes for part of the day, other times for a week here and a week there. Even years have gone by that I lived only for myself and not thinking at all what His will for me was. I was living in the moment for the one I loved most, ME! During these times, I knew I was wrong, and when I came back I was so very sorry but often for myself. Walking away from God always brings me pain and I am so repentant for walking away because of the consequence of it, either in my life or how it affected someone else. If I did think about how disappointed God was in me, I dealt with it by telling myself, "God loves me in spite of what I do". Today it hit me just how much we must actually hurt, cause pain to the One who loves us most, when we walk away, eager to explorer the area around us, away from the One who is there to love us and protect us. This brought pain to me, actual pain to my heart! I pray that the next time I go to walk away and "explorer an adventure" I remember this moment in time where I thought bigger than myself and my selfish ways. Here's to hoping!

Summer has come to an end.....

2010-08-31T16:17:00.003-04:00

Summer 2010 has officially come to end here at the Punkin-patch. We made the most of the wonderful and memoriable but short time that we had. There were beach trips and concerts, amusement parks and hiking, landmarks and lighthouses explored. New friends were made, old ones were visited more frequently with. Interesting hobbies were started, weekend campfires burned into the wee hours of the next morning. Baseball games were attended and local fairs provided us with entertainment only seen in Maine. Fruits and vegetables made wonderful gifts for us to enjoy long into the cold Maine winter. Relationships were mended and hearts were broken, and romance happened out under the stars on a swing made for two. Teens filled our home and our hearts most weekends with laughter and little boys crawled into my lap at the end of the day to be kissed by their momma like they were kissed by the sun. A boy became a teen man and started leading his brothers into new and unexplored land on our property. Tears were wiped after boo-boos happened both on the inside and the out.
Now books, paper and pencils replace bug spray, beach toys, and picnics. Excitement is here for a new year of learning, friends and routine. My calendar is awaiting new adventures and memories and I am so very blessed and it is all so very good!

Cam-isms

2010-08-23T08:54:00.003-04:00

Last night while our family was watching a popular TV show where families that have a need for a new home are given one by some really wonderful people and a community, the subject of adoption came up. One of the gentlemen who was building the new house said, " Adoption is very important to me. My wife was adopted." Cam quickly whipped around and asked me, " Mommy how do you adopt a wife?" After a moment of laughter we quickly explained!

Catching up!

2010-08-22T10:12:00.002-04:00

Ok, so do you have your cup of coffee or tea? I just brewed mine so we can catch up together over a cup. Sit down, grab a cozy throw, your cup of warm happiness and lets chat!

Since May, we have been so incredibly busy here as a family. I'll fill you in on me personally in a few:) May and June kept us running with baseball and softball. Kendra played for the varsity softball team in Waterville. She played outfield this year and really came into the position. The team didn't win many games but it was fun to watch them play and to watch Kendra make some new friends. Austin played for two different baseball teams. He made the local school team and played for a recreational team in Waterville. He loved it! What a great job he did juggling two teams, two coaches and sometimes two games in one day! Colby decided to give baseball a try this year too and learned alot. He tried all the positions and decided he would like to do that again! Like music to this mommas ears, if you know me, baseball is my favorite sport to watch! Cam hung out with me being the best cheerer ever. Kendra and Frank started church softball and we continued being on the go most nights.

School finished and I dove deep into VBS planning. Old friends came to visit, it was great to catch up. July enters and we work hard on getting a float ready for the local 4th of July parade and VBS starts. How awesome to work with fellow believers for the purpose of reaching kids for Christ! I really LOVE my job! We had a great VBS week with over 200 kids coming all week long and over 25 of them asking Christ into their hearts. It was so overwhelming and deeply humbling to be a part of it all.

Finally, our summer began. You see until after VBS is done, we aren't able to do much summering so with as much fun as it all is, we were excited to start our summer. So off to the beach we go, playgrounds see us more, ice cream stands get some of our money, and weekend campfires with friends start happening more. My sweet boy turns 13 and I start to feel old :( Life is flying by and we seem to keep moving along with it. There are days that I am awed at how we do it all, and yet we do. We are just finishing up our official family vacation and that makes me both grateful and sad. Probably most feel the same way.

How is your cup, need a refill? I do :)

Ok, now for me personally. I ran and ran around getting this kid to this field, and that kids to that field. Keeping everyone organized and going in the right direction is very important to me. I want the kids to always know that I am here for them and that I can and will do whatever is in my human power for them. I continue to be stretched and learn more and more about myself. My walk with my Savior is stronger than ever, my marriage is stronger than a year ago, I love my kids more each day, and my friendships are becoming more and more important to me as I get older. On my birthday this year, I took time to look at areas of my life that I wanted to either change, leave behind, work harder on, or finally start all together. I have a good idea of what I need at this point in my life and am committed to making it happen. I am blessed and while things are tough for us from time to time, I am learning about what is important. I am a year older, and realize more and more that time is flying by and I have wasted so much time over the years and I can't get that time back. What I can do, is change what I do today and plan what I do tomorrow. Make a difference in managing my time and energy. Slow down the pace a bit, and if I need to be busy, let it be something that will matter and count.

I have been gone from blogging and hope to make a change in that. I love to write and think aloud and share our life with you my friends! I hope you had a chance to catch up. I enjoyed both my cups of coffee and our visit! See you soon....

Hugs~

I'm back!

2010-08-12T22:41:00.002-04:00

Wow, its been a really long time since I blogged! What in the world? Blogging for me is great therapy and I have missed it so much. Lots has happened since I last blogged back in May. This makes this decision even easier : ) Due to not posting a warning at the beginning of my post to pull up a chair and a cup of coffee, I will post again within the next couple of days to let you know what we have been up to! There's lots to tell, but too much for tonight! Check back in a couple of days and I should have posted and visited with you through my blog! It will be worth it I promise!

Hugs~

Really... that's what you think????

2010-05-03T11:20:00.003-04:00

So, yesterday while I was talking to one of my FKA parents, I was told that she could never live up to the kind of woman, mom, wife and friend that I was, and honestly it exhausted her just thinking about it! This sweet lady went on and on about how organized I was, how patient I am with not only my own kids but others, how much love is in my eyes when I speak with or of my hunny, how great it is to see me with friends; laughing and having fun. Please know she was being very complimentary in both her words and her actions, actually trying to be an encouragement to me. I walked away from the conversation feeling both encouraged and elevated in my spirit that someone that of me. Then last night sitting and snuggled up to my sweetie sharing our days together, I started to chuckle, and it turned into a full fledged laughing fit! Oh if only people knew we both said... now before you start thinking this is a "I need people to say nice things to me, pat me on the back, and tell me how wonderful I am" kind of post, you are so wrong! I just was thinking about it more and more and want to share what my life looks like when things aren't as lovely as this sweet person described me.

I do try very hard to be organized and keep everything together and it isn't often that things on the family calendar aren't taken care of in a VERY orderly fashion, but it does happen that I completely space an appointment, run late picking someone up, or actually have forgotten to pick someone up and then my cell rings... "MOM!!!" Ugh! If it weren't for having a calendar in every room, my planner on me at all times, and my cell set with alarms... it would be bad! With six of us often headed in multiple directions, it's next to impossible to keep it all going but we do it with the best intentions and sometimes I fail at it but I do try. My kids are just like everyone elses. They are naughty and make bad choices, they don't pick up after themselves, the oldest two make me wonder from time to time how they will ever make it out on their own because of their lack of being able see things any farther then the end of their noses some days. The twins make me shutter some days from their lack of being able to share and be kind to each other. Their selective hearing is something that on a bad day can send me for that glass of wine way before dinner, lol! BUT... at the end of the day when we have all said good night, hugged and kissed our way into our beds, they are my God given blessings and I wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone on this planet. They are my best accomplishment this side of heaven and I take great pride in them and my mothering.

My husband! The lady was right about this one thing, I sure do love Frank! When I talk to him and I speak of him, I beam with love and pride in this man that chose me to spend his life with. But it isn't always hearts and flowers with us either. We both have a lot of baggage that came with us into our marriage that to this day we still deal with. We both have lost very important people in our lives that has effected our marriage. I am home with the kids all day, he is off working hard for our family, working two jobs so that we can follow God's direction for our family and homeschool our children. He gets tired, I get tired and we certainly are opinionated (ok I am way more then he is, lol). There are times when I don't feel in love with him and I am sure he has days when he doesn't feel in love with me, but we do love each other and work DAILY on our love for each other centered around our love for Christ.

As far as my friends... I love them all! God is teaching me a new lesson in 2010 and I am enjoying this ride. God has a plan for me involving me friends. He is knitting people into my life to help and offer their strengths to me in ways I never thought possible. Every single one of my girls adds something special to my life,. They are all different in almost every way, and what that adds to my life is becoming quite priceless to me! I still struggle with trust and how close to let people in, but I am working on it by the grace of a God who loves me enough to put these lovely ladies in my life to walk with me in this journey. You all are so valuable to me and I love you all so very much!

So you see, I am just like all of you... I fail miserably some days, I don't have it all together most days, and I am my own worst critic. I hold myself to a standard that I would never allow anyone else to hold themselves to. But, I am a servant, I am a crazy in love girl with her sweetheart, I am a mommy who loves her babies more than life itself, I am a silly outgoing girlfriend to some of the best ladies I know, and I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined or deserve. That's what I hope I communicate to you the next time I see you :)

R & R

2010-04-06T19:57:00.003-04:00

Ah, now I can rest a bit! I am sighing a bit sigh of relief. Did you hear it? Shhhh, listen. I bet you heard it then didn't you? I have been right out straight. More so then usual. I have been feeling pulled in all kinds of directions with feeling like I don't do any of it to the best of my ability and that stresses me out. Between my duties as a CM director, Easter choir and personal preparations for that, some family issues that just happened to "pop up" during the week leading up to Easter, baseball and softball practices, and being a mom and wife.... I was feeling so very overwhelmed and it didn't take long for it to start coming out with some physical illness symptoms. I had a headache that literally lasted for four days and I was so sick to my stomach. And of course with that comes the emotional binging that comes with me getting disturbing news... ugh!

This week is a new week though. The Kidz Easter Choir performed and did beautifully :) Especially the twins! We had a wonderful Easter dinner with family and friends, nice and quiet and simple. Now I get the chance to just sigh and breathe :) Yes its still busy but its all good! Running here and there with the kids is what I do best and I enjoy it all. So, I sigh, count all my blessings, and thank God that He has given me the strength to do what I do, the family and friends to put up with me while I do it, and for giving me the passion to do it all again the next day :)

Fail.... epic fail, as Cam would say!

2010-03-29T13:57:00.003-04:00

My sweet eight year old has a new saying, "Fail... epic fail". Not sure what that even means but Webster uses these definitions:
1. ommision of occurence or performance specifically a failure to perform a duty or expected action.
3. a falling short
Officially I fit the Webster definition and feel it in every part of my being today. Actually, like a rash that slowly spreads itself, I have been having this feeling off and on all week and it came to a nasty full body covering last night and today. Today seems to be the worst. I don't know if it is the yucky rainy weather we are having or just that everything seemed to collapse on me today but it is by far the worst today. I can list it all for you, I made a complete list while in the shower a few minutes ago... I have failed at being a Godly wife, a Godly mother, a caring friend, a Godly CM director, I am currently failing at my committment for a healthier lifestyle for myself, a homeschooling mom... the list seems to go on and on. I do realize that these are thoughts completely provided curtosy of Satan himself, but none the less, they are real and right now they are seeming so big and out of control.
Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day at the least it is a new one :)

Best week ever!

2010-03-19T20:44:00.003-04:00

Yup.. that about describes it! We have had an amazing week here in the Johnson house. Not at all because anything monumental happened but because it was a great week, that's all! The sun has been out all week and warming up our home. The boys have been playing outside all week too and that makes for very happy and tired guys by the end of the day. Princess and I have had lots of chances to sit on the porch in the sun and talk, this is memories I will keep with me for the rest of my life! My sweetheart and I have had the chance to walk together and talk about stuff, how precious that time has become in this very busy life that we live. We really are enjoying our new home and all that the area has to offer to us!
We celebrated St. Patrick day in true Johnson traditional fashion, complete with a well planned leprechaun trap designed by the truly crafty 8 year olds! Nicely placed and well thought out, we set the trap and waited.... those leprechauns are tricky and got by us again this year, but didn't disappoint us and left gold wrapped chocolate and gold glitter to let us know he had stopped by :) I don't know how many more years this will work but for now, I am enjoying watching their team work and the childhood excitement that they share. On a side note, I said as much to my sweet man and the Princess was walking by and said "Mom, as if! I am going to be 17 this year and I still wait to see if we caught him." I have mentioned how much I love her!
My sweet young man participated in a baseball clinic this week and is really excited about playing ball this spring! Apparently he made an impression on the coaches during the clinic. He participated in a clinic from a town near us and more than one of them asked him what town he was from :) We are looking forward to seeing him play and improve this year!
Health wise, I am feeling awesome! I am working out 5-6 days a week, noticing small but important changes in my clothes and such, and have lost a total of 12.4 lbs in a little less then 3 weeks. More importantly is my energy level is soaring and my emotions are just about as high! My wonderful love made it a point to tell me he likes how happy and full of energy I have been the last couple of weeks! He gives me the best compliments :)
So all in all, best week ever for no reason at all but really all the best reasons... 5 of them to be exact! Hope you are all doing well too! Enjoy your weekend friends :)

Praise and prayer!

2010-03-14T16:51:00.003-04:00

Dear God!

Wow, what a day! I just wanted to thank you, to truly thank you for using me today for Your purposes. When I stop and think about what all transpired today and how your Holy Spirit was at work, I am so awe struck that I can't find words to describe the feeling. For you to use me, this cracked and worn vessel to help lead one of Your children to you, what an honor and a privilege. Thank you for using me!
You know what all was going on, You knew that I was getting caught up in the admin. stuff , and You knew that I needed a reminder of exactly why You have called me to do this job of leading little hearts in Your name at FEFC. I could almost hear the angels rejoicing and everything else just disappeared for me, it was really about You, Jesus.
Please help me always to remember that moment. To remember why we do what we do. To remember that in a hundred years from now, that is what matters most!

Humbly in Your work~ Amen!

Lovin' Life!

2010-03-08T12:35:00.003-05:00

Things I woke up thinking about this morning.....

The sunshine coming in my window put an instant smile on my face!
My hard working husband pitter pattering around the kitchen making sure to be quiet to not wake any of us knowing we need to rest.
My body aching from my new exercise routine. Although I am aching, I know it is working and that believe it or not made me smile!
The eight year old boy snuggling next to me is growing up fast, but having these few precious moments with him are timeless to me and I tear up thinking about them ending soon.
My overachieving daughter heading out the door to her CP Bio class at the local high school. She is working so hard at so many things in her life. I am so very proud of her and know that my time of parenting is coming to an end and needs me more as a friend and a mentor then she does a mom right now.
My other eight year old enjoying teasing his older brother! His laugh is contagious and you can't help but laugh with him even if you don't know what he is laughing about. God gave me this boy to remind me to laugh much and often.
My sweet and serious twelve year young man who is finding out what kind of guy he wants to be. He doesn't like how he is seeing people treat others and he doesn't like to hurt other people with his words or actions. Thank you God for giving him a sweet spirit!
The way that my husbands kiss goodbye still melts me and gives me butterflies almost 16 years later! Thank you God for a loving spouse to walk beside me in this journey we call life.

As you can see, my mind was working immediately upon eyes opening but it was all good and I didn't want to miss one moment of it! Life is good today!

Wonderful week- end and a wonderful weekend!

2010-03-01T11:46:00.004-05:00

What a great end of the week (week-end) and weekend we had! We started off getting together with friends on Friday night at the local Mexican restaurant. I was a little bit nervous since I had been so careful all week with what I had to eat and watching my calories. I wanted to make sure that I made the best choices possible as well as knowing all too well that I would be enjoying some Mexican beverages and knowing that would put my calorie count up. Just the same I determined to go out with my sweetie and enjoy the night and not over-think anything especially the food! It was a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed spending time with my best friend and catching up with two other wonderful girl friends. I got home and baked 8.5 dz. chocolate cookies to go with the two pans of brownies that I needed to take to a basketball tournament early Saturday morning. Saturday I got up early enough to get a workout in and out the door by 7:3o am! Off we went... grocery shopping, work at the tournament selling concessions, and getting Kendra to work. Then it was time for me to go and have lunch with the lovely WPG girls (my neighbors)! What a great time I had hearing the stories from these ladies (all of which were in their sixties and one was eighty-four), they had such a wonderful connection and I was so honored to be a part of it all! Then I rushed home to get ready for an evening of fun and games at our house. I made a from scratch minestrone soup. It was so yummy and most seemed to enjoy it! Followed by a great game of boy vs girls Guesstures game. The girls won of course but there were too many moments of pure belly laughing... another ab workout for the day, I'll take it! After our friends left.. it was on to getting things ready for Sunday morning. Sunday morning came early, actually the same time as usual but I was dragging... playing the last two nights had caught up to me. Off I went to worship with and serve the kids of FEFC and before long was right into routine. We had a great morning and by 1:00pm I was ready to get home and relax! Oh, my dear sweet friend T found me a wicker porch set so that perked me right up! Woohoo! The rest of the day and evening was spent doing nothing else but snuggling, loving and resting. It was just what we all needed. A great night of rest brought me to this morning. Up I rise with a new energy and ready to get the day going. Laundry in.. check, homeschooling started... check, beds made... check. On a role! Now, for the dreaded workout and weigh in! If you read my previous post last Monday, you will know why I was anxious about the weigh in part. I knew that I had cheated some but tried to be careful, worked out 5 out of 7 days, and didn't drink soda or eat after 800pm. So off to the Wii I head with a prayer that God would allow me to look at whatever the results may be, with a clear head and heart and no misconceptions of what I am trying so hard to lose of myself. I was so thrilled to see that I had lost 5.3lbs! Imagine what it would have been without the little cheats I had along the way... not focusing on that... soooo grateful for the loss!
So to wrap it up, we had a wonderful, busy weekend and I was so tired but it was so worth it. And the fact that I can get back on track this morning was exciting to me. I just might find myself looking forward to Mondays again :)

Simply thankful....

2010-02-25T08:07:00.002-05:00

This morning while sitting and having my tea, Colby walks by me and announces to his daddy and I that his heart is so thankful this morning. I looked at him and said, "Why baby?" Thinking he must be talking about the $3.00 the "tooth fairy" left him last night... Oh no, he says, "For my family, and my friends, for my comfort, and for God creating me." {{Insert beaming, teary-eyed mommy here}}
Thank you Lord, for a quick reminder to be grateful for the things in life we so easily take for granted!

Man, when he is on the job... its full force ahead!

2010-02-23T15:34:00.002-05:00

Holy crap! Look out.... he's busy! By he, I mean Satan a.k.a the devil himself. I have been listening to close friends and family and knowing that he is on the move, but yesterday he attacked me and hit me so hard, it dropped me to my knees and quickly.
I made the decision last week to get back to getting healthy again. I had taken a 5-6 month hiatus... not really watching what I was eating, exercising when it fit in (not very often), and feeding my emotions. This left me feeling tired, cranky, jealous, and sick. I did really well through the weekend, which included a weekend away with 10 other adults. Junk food was everywhere and meals included bagels, pizza and spaghetti, ugh!!! But previous planning allowed me to bring things to eat that were better choices and I wasn't really hungry so the temptation stayed at bay. This is the part where I need to give props to my girls over at the PWLFA( you know who you are(: ) they prayed me through the whole weekend! Anyway, all this to say that I was off to a good start!
Yesterday, I woke up feeling good, even pleased with myself. Very confident with my choices and how the weekend went. I had a great quiet time with God, really good breakfast choices and homeschooling went well. Then it crashed... I jumped on the Wii for the first time in months. Trying to mix some things up, I got the wii fit out and jumped on the balance board which weighs you and does your BMI... I gained quite a bit of my weight back and my BMI was back up. I felt all the air release out of my body like the air out of a balloon. Still I grabbed my determination and got to work. Forty-five minutes later, I finished my aerobics and sat down at the computer to drink a big glass of water and catch up with friends on FB. There staring at me in my face was a picture from the weekend of me on the beach with my sweetheart... and the only thing I could say was "Oh my God". Not meant to be disrespectful to my heavenly Father, truly a cry out to God! I was so appalled at what was staring back at me, that I dropped into a heap on the floor in tears. Why should I bother? I have so much weight to lose, so much exercise to do. I immediately fell back into a deep hatred for myself and started frantically looking for answers to gastric bypass surgery, the only fix I could think of. I didn't come up with any answers and finished the day in a glummy funk to which my dear family had to contend with all night. My poor husband!
I woke up this morning feeling sad again but not as bad. Then I looked back at yesterday and realized something good happened... I didn't feed my emotions. I stayed on track and didn't overeat! That is a huge accomplishment. I never would have done that in the past. So, I have rededicated my efforts. Today is a new day and God has my hand. I asked Him to take Satan away from me and guide my hunger, my efforts and my mind. Together we will cause Satan to stand in the unemployment line :)

Amazed!

2010-02-22T10:30:00.001-05:00

If you have never had the chance to walk the beach at night (yes, even in February... in Maine) and look at the ocean and the stars in the night time......... you definitely need to do it!

The best part!

2010-02-13T10:08:00.002-05:00

After a day of running errands with my littlest one, he speaks up from the back seat. Cam:"Mommy, do you know what is the best part of spending time with you by myself?" Me: "Is it that you get all my attention and don't have to share me?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part? Me: "Is it that we got to have lunch together just you and me?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part?" Me: "Is it that you didn't have to fight with anyone for the middle seat?" Cam: "Nope. Do you know what is the best part?" Me: "No baby, I guess you will have to tell me." Cam: "You don't know what is the best part? It's you.. you're the best part!"
Yeah, he's got my heart!!

Happy Birthday Mom!

2010-02-08T15:35:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday Momma! Friday, February 5th came and we would celebrate my mom's birthday. No matter how hard I prepare myself... still this day comes and hits me like a full ton of bricks. You see, my Mom was my best friend. She taught me so many great things in her lifetime, which you should know, was too short. One of the things that she did was make a big, I mean, huge deal about birthdays and holidays! I love it! It is one of the many things that I have passed down to my own family. So, in light of that we celebrate my mom's birthday even though she has been gone from this earth for almost 6 years. Let me set the scene of the day for you.
My wonderful, sweet, sensitive - knows me better than I know myself - soul mate; took the day off from work. Because he knows me so well, he knew that even though I thought I was fine, I wouldn't be. The morning came and I awoke with a deep sense of sadness. Like someone was sitting on my chest. Before my first tear hit my pillow, my sweetie rolled over, put me in his arms and let the tears fall right onto his chest. He truly is the best tear-catcher ever! Once there were no more tears left in me, we started our day. I tried to keep the day as normal as possible for the kids. It is so hard on them to see me upset. Sweetie was able to help with homeschooling. I'm not sure if it was more of a treat for him or the kids??? Either way, I had a break and the kids had a substitute teacher! We made a cake for mom. The kids all had their own way of remembering. My sixteen year old princess was quiet, yet a little more clingy and lovey. My twelve year old man, was very protective and watched quietly like a cat from whatever room I was in. The terrific twins spent lots of time looking through scrapbooks looking at their Mimi, wanted to know more and more about her. We then went outside and released balloons to heaven, a tradition that I have done every year with my kids since that first year without her. Complete with a rendition of Happy Birthday and a prayer from my littlest one asking God to watch over his Mimi and to make sure that she was happy with Him, since she would have been happy here with us, it must be really great there with Him!
So, happy 72nd birthday my mother, my best friend, my confidant, my hero! You are so very missed <3>

Its true I am a blog stalker!

2010-01-19T09:57:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I have to confess I have become quite the blog stalker and even been known to steal from time to time... from blogs!
I love to read blogs.. well written ones anyway. I was trying to figure out where this sudden obsession came from and I realized that it really isn't that sudden at all. I have always enjoyed a good cooking blog looking for new meal ideas and ways to do things in the kitchen differently. I enjoy reading my friends blogs to keep up with their families and the latest happenings. Lately though I have been all about blogs to do with decorating spaces. Since I have a new home to decorate I am so enticed by well written decorating blogs. I love the country/rustic look and my new home will handle that style well. Lots of ideas have come from some well written ladies all over the country who sadly enough we will probably never meet. My other blog stalking obsession is coming from a new hobby of mine, wines. I have always enjoyed a great glass of wine, but in the last six weeks or so my enjoyment has led itself into a thirst for the knowledge of wine and what wines are good with what dish, where are the best wines from, etc... My friend PB over at the Wine Cask Blog is a wonderful and vast pool of information and I am grateful to have his opinions and his blog at my disposal.
Blogs are wonderful and you can stalk in your comfies, with a glass of wine, and if you don't like your new acquaintance you can just click away and there are no hard feelings. In the off chance you find a great blog you can stalk away and no one looks at you like your a creeper... unless of course its your teenage daughter or husband who sees that you have spent well over an hour on a certain blog!

Here I am!

2010-01-10T16:04:00.003-05:00

Sigh... contentment. I am sitting here in our new home in an overstuffed chair, in front of the fireplace, drinking a cup of tea, snuggled up with a new throw I received for Christmas while I finally get the chance to come back to one of my great loves, writting in my blog. I have missed this so much.

Lots of things have happened since I last wrote. I just looked back at my blog and I last blogged in November of 2009.... that was two and a half months ago, how did that happen? I know how it happened but let me catch you up on what has been going on with the Johnson family. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and really enjoyed our little family. Our Thanksgiving festivities have changed alot over the last six years since my mom passed away. Lots of family members have left us either through death or by choice. That part sadens me. However, God has brought some new family and friends into our lives and we are so very blessed and happy. We went on our annual black Friday shopping day and enjoyed some bargains and some more memories :) Then we participated in our annual downtown Christmas parade, another family favorite tradition. It was truly a time to be thankful for all that God has blessed us with both in the obvious and the not so obvious ways over the past year. Then we come upon December. The twins had their first acting debut at our church in Angel Alert! They were awesome and I was so proud of them. I'll post pictures soon :) Austin sprained his left ankle and had to be told that he would be out of basketball for the season... tough blow for my guy. Kendra continues to juggle school (both home and at the public school), a job, friends and her boyfriend of almost two years :). As for us, well we had been living in a bit of uncertainty since October. We were looking at moving to a home in Vassalboro that friends of ours owned and had mentioned to us that they would like to have us live there. We were so excited! Finally a home with enough room for all of us and some land to run and play on too! Did I also mention that it is 2 miles from my best friend and her parents who have adopted my kids as their grandchildren? Could it get any better... we didn't think it could! Well, as of the first of December, we still didn't know where we would be celebrating Christmas. Would we be at the apartment for one more Christmas or would we be in our new home to celebrate? Only a few more weeks of waiting would tell us for sure. The weekend BEFORE Christmas (those of you who have known me long enough know this had to have put me over the edge...)we moved into our new home! What an answer to prayer! We celebrated Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, and New Years Day all in our new home with lots of room for entertaining our friends and family. I felt so very blessed and happy... God's timing is perfect even when we can't see it or feel it.
So there you have it... we are all settled in for the most part, and loving our new home. We are back into the swing of things such as school and appointments, music lessons and sports. And even though we don't know much more about our future then we did back in Novemeber, we did learn that God is stepping out in front of us and preparing the way and that is something to take comfort in no matter what.
Thanks for catching up with us! My time in between posts won't be so long anymore... I promise!

Bloggin' and Bakin'

2009-11-25T10:20:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I am a bloggin' slacker.... I am so disappointed in my lack of blogging as of late so please forgive me for not keeping you all posted on the latest happenings. I have lots to say but not too much time to write today as I am actually really busy with Thanksgiving preparations. But to let you all know, I am better than my last post! Emotionally, spiritually, physically... well working on that again :) but all around better. Please check back in a couple of weeks for a full story (bring a cup of tea or coffee with you, it might take a while) of where God has taken me these last few months and the journey that I have been on.

For today though, I am happy and thankful to have a day to spend with some of my favorite kids, MINE! We are cleaning and baking for my favorite holiday of the year... Thanksgiving! We have much to be thankful for and today is one of the days I am most thankful for! So my kitchen will be busy and messy and my kids will be loud and excited, but this momma's heart will be full and happy and so very Thankful!

Its a Roller Coaster season!

2009-10-24T10:37:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so this picture sums up my life and my emotions better than I could describe it. Our family is on one heck of a ride these days and it just so happens that today I seem to be able to blog about it without crying my way through it. So, it appears today or at least for the moment, its going to be a good day :)

Its a season of change for us here in the Johnson family. We are waiting on some new housing, a job that seemed stable has cut back on hours, belts have been tightened, kids are growing up and stretching their wings, independance, and boundaries, a marriage has been challenged, and relationships have been strained. Through it all, I am reminded daily of God's constant love for me and for my family. As hard as things are right now, I know that He is there. I also know that I am being taught some really hard lessons right now and I only find comfort in knowing that He is my rock and my Savior. There have been days and more than I can count actually as of late, where I have questioned how we are even going to make it out of the situation of the moment. God has been faithful in providing all of our needs. I am quickly learning the difference between wants and needs in this season of change. I am learning that people who might have a small space in my world are some of the one's who have been the most faithful in uplifting me in prayer and sending cards and calling to check in on me. I am humbled by a friend who stopped in to see me at work, to find me at one of my lowest points and get on her knees with me and cry with me before our God. I am grateful and thankful to have a man to walk down this road with me, carrying me because I can't seem to put another foot in front of the other some days. I am proud of a husband and a father who will work another part time job doing a mundane dirty job for a little bit of money to help out where his regular full time job has left us needing more. I am a grateful mommy who came home from a meeting to find three cards made for her letting her kow how much she is loved and how sad they are that I am having a hard time right now.

I am learning so much right now about myself and my abilities. I am seeing people in a new light, if you will and finding out how strong relationships really are. God is revealing Himself to me daily as I seek direction and peace. He means it when He tells us to seek Him and to look for Him and He will reveal Himself to us.

I pray that the next time I get the chance to blog, I will have new things to share and new blessings to tell you about! In the mean time, remember us in your prayer time and be thankful to Him for how He is using you.

Sweet surrender, difference between faith and trust, and other lessons to be learned

2009-10-05T11:16:00.003-04:00

As a homeschooling mom, I am well aware of how important lessons are. You can't just teach a piece of something here or a part of something else there. You need the whole lesson to learn the complete concept. Well, that's where I am with my walk with God right now. In the midst of some lessons. Like teaching my children, they aren't all fun and games either. Actually most of them are not fun at all.
Earlier this summer, I committed to working on complete surrender of my life to God. For those of you who know me, know that this is a task for me since I am a control freak. While I have come a long way in this commitment, I am so not there yet. I do make it a daily prayer that I could give it all over to him, all my worries, frustrations, and struggles.. the good and the bad. It and I am a work in progress. Better than before, but oh so long a road to go!
I am studying the difference between having faith and trust. It is a good study and I am learning alot, mostly about myself, but also what the word of God has to say about faith. Maybe another blog soon about this as it has a lot of content and I have lots of thoughts on it. Not at a complete conclusion though, so I'll leave it at that. In case you were wondering, I have concluded that there is a definite difference.
Right now, today, I am having to leave a lot to God. We have so many uncertainties in our life and I am really having a hard time with it. I am a A type personality and I like my plans made in advance and all my ducks in a row, so to say. There are things that we are waiting on and dealing with that truly only the Lord of the Universe knows anything about. Very hard for me. I am anxious, sleep deprived, and on edge because of it and I am waiting on the Lord to reveal His plans to us.
The one thing I know for certain is that God loves us and wants what is best for our family. I need to rest in that and try to relax and be patient. Lets hope my eyes and ears are open more than they were yesterday so that He can show me my tomorrow!

My sweet daughter is 16 today!

2009-09-17T14:39:00.003-04:00

In working on my blog last night, I wondered why this blog wasn't posted... I had selected save post instead of publish post! So goes my life... anyway my blog to my sweet 16 year old! Mwah...

Wow, how can this be? I asked Frank this morning. It's just not possible for this to be happening in our life. Sixteen years ago this morning, we fell deeply in love with a perfect and beautiful little baby girl that we named Kendra Nicole Johnson.

She began her journey into the world exactly how Kendra does everything - in her own time! My due date was September 12 and it came and went with no baby. On the morning of September 14, my water broke and the contractions weren't far behind. Off to the hospital we went, scared and excited. We were so young and naive. However, I had dreamed of this moment my whole life that I could remember, I was going to be a mommy! We were checked into the hospital and settled in for what we thought would be a few hours maybe 10 tops... we were so wrong! Twenty - three hours, an epidural, and little sleep later my precious baby girl arrived. She was perfect! Petite, pink and pouting she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I was in love. It was there in that delivery room that I remember really falling in love with Frank all over again and understanding what that statement even meant.
We've been through so much together, a near death experience, weddings, funerals, trips to the ER, new siblings, broken hearts, laughter that makes your face and stomach ache, trips to NY, a great boyfriend of over a year and a half, and more personal moments that are for this mom to hold close and treasure them for myself. All in all, she is my pride and joy. She is my first born and one of my closest friends. She knows me well as I do her. When I woke up this morning and realized that my time with her here with me under our roof is a mer two years left, I choked up and found myself in sorrow and fear, just like I did that day 16 years ago when she stopped breathing. Quickly I am reminded that God saved her that day and will continue to save her day to day. So instead of focusing on what is to come, I am focused on the here and now and loving that my baby girl still loves to hug me and love me, watch TV with her mom and sit and chat about stuff. These are the moments I treasure and I am looking forward to more of these to come!
Happy 16th birthday baby girl! You changed my life for the better sixteen years ago. My life and those of our family are better because you are in it and you fill us all with love. Thank you for allowing me to be your mommy, I am so blessed! I love you so very much!

From school, to sports to season changes.....

2009-08-27T06:35:00.002-04:00

It is that time of year here in the Johnson home... Fall is just around the corner and with it is coming the start of a year of running everyone here and there and being straight out busy. Ok, so if you know me at all, you are thinking or even saying out loud, "when isn't the Johnson family right out straight and busy?" Good point, but this time of year seems more so to me than any other!

This morning I am sending Kendra off to the local high school to take two classes this year. She really wants to go into nursing when she gets done school, so she really needs to get her college prep. Biology done where she has a lab. Then she needed to get her foreign language done too, so we thought we would send her to take that class there too so that she was there for more than one class and make it worth her time to be there. I will homeschool the rest of her studies and happy to do it! I wasn't ready to let her back to that world again for the whole day, just wasn't. I am so glad that she put that off for another year :) Can you imagine my happy dance? She is running for the school X Country team and seems to be enjoying that. However, practices everyday after school is a little tough and will be more so when there is also homework involved! Oh, and did I mention she turns 16 in twenty days and is also sending in for her license...EEEEKKK when did my baby get to be that age? I need to stop this!

Austin is playing football for the local junior high team. This is the big boys and man, I worry about him! Not that he isn't big enough, have you seen him lately? He is 12 and 5'4" and 104lbs and getting muscle! But he is still my "little" boy and is still as sweet and sensitive as ever. He is excited though! His practices are also right after school with games on Tuesdays. This guy has no desire to go to the school for any classes and is more than content to stay right here with mom teaching him! I love him!

The twins are growing up too fast. I can't believe they are almost 8!! They begin soccer next week and are so excited to get involved again. Did I mention that their practice is also on Tuesdays and their games are at 8:30AM on Saturday mornings????? Ok, seriously who does that? The boys will be fine, and I suppose I will too once I get my drive thru coffee to prop my eyes open! Homeschooling is their only choice at this point. Some day that might change when they are like 18! No, seriously, we will give them the same options as the older two when they are in jr. high.

We made the most of the short summer we had. Lots of beach trips, exploring new places and getting together with lots of friends. Looking back, I know that this summer is one to be remembered as my time with having all four kids with me is coming to an end. Kendra is a young adult and getting ready to be gone from me more and more all the time. I know that is the way she was designed and I am proud but that pride comes alongside sadness of what once was.

We officially start school Tuesday, September 8. It's going to be a crazy - busy year but we're excited and ready to go! Bring on the cooler nights, fall colored days, apple picking, birthdays, football games and earlier bed times.... we're rearing to go!

Always, sometimes, Nevah Evah.....

2009-08-17T19:29:00.003-04:00

I saw this fun little ditty at a new blog I found last week called Under Grace Over Coffee! It was quite entertaining and made me smile so thought I would share too :)

I ALWAYS...

- take the time for a hug from my little ones no matter what I am in the middle of

- kiss my sweetie good night, ALWAYS

- sing in the shower

- put on lotion both before bed and every morning after my shower

I SOMETIMES...

- push things to the back of the fridge for Frank to clean out because I have such a bad gag reflex

- have random dance parties in the car when I am driving

- ignore the phone if I don't want to talk to whoever is calling.

- feed my kids breakfast for supper

- delete emails from people if I know they are just forwards

I NEVAH EVAH...

- eat lobster even though I live in Maine

- go to bed without locking the doors and making sure everyone is tucked in their beds

- leave my bed unmade

- refuse fresh fruit. Seriously.

- say "nevah evah".

Let me know if you play along so I can see what you always, sometimes and nevah evah do!

Conditions and Expectations?????

2009-08-11T09:06:00.004-04:00

Some recent events that not only have happened to me but also to some of my family members has caused me to pause on the conditions and expectations of loving someone. Whether it is a friend that we love, a spouse, even our children, either knowingly or not we have conditions of some of that love and definitely expectations. Not to be confused with the unconditional love that we have for our husbands and wives or that we have for our children. I tell my kids all the time, there is nothing that they can do to cause me not to love them, and that is true. I can't wrap my head around anything that I don't think that I could work through, by the grace of God, that Frank could do that would cause me not to love him. Thinking and reflecting on things that have happened in the recent past, has caused me to think and appreciate the love Christ has for me.

To know that we don't have to perform at a certain level for Him to "play me in the game" relieves a low self esteem man when he is at his lowest. To know that we don't have to act "just like everyone else", lightens a teen girls heart when she is feeling judged. Learning that we "fit in" all the time with Christ, when others make a young man feel left out of everything, makes him feel worthy of being just who he is without making any changes. To know that even when our hearts are hurting and our immediate response is to put up walls of protection around our hearts or even to hurt the person(s) back that are causing us pain, that God knows the pain in a woman's heart and shows her through scripture, encouraging words from other women, and a loving husband that her heart is safe and only God can and is able to heal those wounds.

I am learning that acceptance of who we are in Christ needs to be enough. This is a tough lesson for me, because I live in constant comparison and competition with other wives, moms, women and families and God does not intend for that to be. He created us just the way we are, sinful and yucky just the same. He wants us to surrender it all and let Him continue to mold us to be just like Him, but I am learning that starts with accepting ourselves as He made us and working with Him to change not change us into what we think HE wants. Does this make sense to anyone else? I hope it does. If not just being able to write it out just solidifies it to me :)

I'd love to hear some feedback on this and see if anyone else has or is struggling with this too?

Hugs!

Gotta get caught up!

2009-08-10T08:55:00.006-04:00

Wow, have we been busy!

We have been doing a whole lotta this......

And a couple of these.....

Both Austin and I celebrated our special days with family and friends alike!

We were also blessed to go to this....

What an absolute blessing for my family and I to sit and worship together while watching this band preform! Only a glimpse of what heaven might be like :)

We planned on doing lots of inexpensive, fun, memory making, family trips this summer and so far we have been able to do just that. We have been to the beach more this summer than I can remember doing any other. We have hiked, explored, talked and enjoyed each others company. We reconnected more as a family and have learned to really look forward to the times it is just the six of us. I pray that summer isn't over and this time in our lives doesn't end soon. God has been so gracious in some of the things that he is showing to Frank and I and we are so very humble and blessed to have this family that He has given to us.

My sweet boy turns 12 today!

2009-07-26T23:07:00.002-04:00

Twelve years ago today, at 4:20pm, Frank and I fell in love with a 10lb 3oz (ouch!) bundle of sweetness that we named Austin Dean Johnson! Austin was such a good baby and so easy, I wondered what I had done in this life to deserve such a treasure for a baby. Everyone told me it was such an adjustment to go from one baby to two, this was so not the case with Austin. Truly the only time that we heard much from him was when he was hungry, which seemed to be most of the time :) and if he was hurting. He was so content to just sit with me or in his swing and watch his big sister play in front of him. Always the sensitive child, he would want to give his toys to other kids who wanted what he had, and often would find himself without in a group setting since other kids would just play around him and use what he might be playing with. To this day, he loves to be home with his family and truly is a "mommas boy". We don't look at this as a sign of weakness or demeaning of his character. He truly enjoys being with me and I with him and I LOVE the glimpse into the future that I am getting into the man that he is becoming and will be one day. This boy will be a sensitive and loving boyfriend and husband one day. This boy will be a loving and gentle daddy one day. This boy will be a man with integrity and honesty and a deep love for his Heavenly Father. I love him so much and I adore my moments with him. He is one of my greatest treasures and blessings here on this earth :)

Austin is active and is learning to love basketball and baseball. He is your average 7th grader with curiosity about new things and how they work! I love this about him. He learns all he can about a subject when he is really interested in it and such a joy for me to homeschool! He is growing by leaps and bounds, sometimes over night it seems but certainly in weeks at a time. He is now taller than his dad and wears the same size shoe, but still loves to walk up to his Dad and say, "I love you Dad". These moments melt my heart. He has close friends now, and enjoys his independent time with them. I am so glad that he has these moments in time to have as memories. His sister is still the apple of his eye. Yes, they still squabble from time to time, but those times are farther apart now and he truly would do anything for her and they have more secrets between the two of them and they are each others greatest fans! The twins think he is the next best thing to slice bread :) I love to watch them light up with delight when he is willing to play with them. Colby thinks he is the strongest brother ever, and Cam has the hardest time falling asleep without his big brother there to protect him while his sleepy eyes succumb to slumber. Coaches tell us what a great kid he is. Easy to coach, respectful, helpful and a joy to have on the team. How this mommy's heart swells with pride when she hears these words. Words I have spoken to myself and to Frank on many occasions but a whole new feeling when a stranger says them to you :) Family members gush at how he loves to be with the family and takes care of the little ones in our family. He's smart and articulate and learns things that most people might find a little boring and mundane, not Austin, he'd rather figure it out instead of glazing over the top of it!

We are so blessed! I thank God for each of my family member daily, knowing all to well the size of the hole that is left in our hearts and lives when someone that we love so dearly is taken away from us. Austin makes my heart full of love, joy, and pride and I couldn't be happier than to be on this journey called life with him as my son and to be his mother!

Happy 12th Birthday Austin! I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

Love,

Mommy

I aspire to be this woman......

2009-07-21T11:07:00.002-04:00

Enjoy!

Bountiful Blessings~ Better late then never :)

2009-07-15T21:42:00.002-04:00

So behind the ball this week! We are still functioning in screech mode here in the Johnson family.. and when we aren't screeching somewhere we are so tired that this momma can't keep her eyes open long enough to be on the computer to type my blessings out! So here goes what has been floating around in my head in the blessing compartment of my brain:

~ Watching my son Austin and his team win their major league baseball division! Finally he gets to be on a championship team!! He had a great season and it was fun to watch him develop more into a great athlete! Great job Austin, mommy is so proud of you!

~ Getting to take the boys to the lake last week. It was a beautiful day to be on the water with a picnic lunch and I enjoyed watching them play together as 3 brothers. They love each other so much and it was fun to watch that in action.

~ The Faith Kidz Carnival! It was a wonderful day and it was so great to celebrate the day with the families of the Faith Kidz :) The weather was perfect, the team of workers were perfect, and the families are still telling me that they had a great time! More rewarding than all that is the reasons that we were able to do this. The kids memorized their monthly verses, brought their bibles to church, etc! How great to celebrate with them in this way!

~ Spending time with my BF, Devon! We were able to spend some time together this past week and it felt so good to be with her :) Even though it was working most of the time, it was fun to just be around her and laugh and talk! She is so good for my soul! Thank you God for your gift of her friendship.

~ Lessons that I am learning. They are quite painful actually and I am struggling with most of it, but I do know that when I am at my weakest, God is able to be the strongest and I rely even more on Him which I know is His desire and design.

~ A card that a sweet friend in our church sent to me this week! Timing is everything and this lady doesn't even know what is going on with me, but she was thinking of me and all that "must be going on with how crazy things are in Faith Kidz and I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family". God is so good to use His people in such ways. The little things mean so much in times like this!

Keep looking up and your blessings will come down!

Hugs!!!

Mommyhood.... not for the weary or faint at heart!

2009-07-14T14:29:00.003-04:00

Wow, has this been a really emotional couple of weeks in the parenting department. I have always loved being a mommy and still do, but boy, this is tuff stuff. I know that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle without His help, but there are definitely times that I think He has mixed me up with another lady named, Janet Johnson. This lady must be more organized than I am, much more patient, never loses her temper on her children, always has a smile ready, all the time in the world to spend one on one time with each of them, always shows Jesus in her actions to others... the list is endless and I am not that woman. The only thing that I can say is that I love them more than myself. I would die for any or all of them if necessary. It kills me inside to see them in pain or hurting either at the consequence of a choice that they have made or because I have had to punish them for something. I know that this is only a piece of the pain that my Heavenly Father must feel when I disobey or have to suffer a consequence of a bad choice. The pain He must feel from me on a daily basis...." Lord, please help me to do better at disappointing and disobeying you! Continue to work on me to become the woman and the mom that YOU would have me to be. Please let me show Christ to my children so that they would want to know You better and more intimately. Thank you for choosing me to be their mommy. It is my greatest blessing in this life and I thank you for "loaning" them to me. I continue to stand in awe of your greatness and generosity of these gifts!"

Bountiful Blessings~

2009-07-07T21:17:00.002-04:00

We had a really great long weekend this past week and blessings were bubbling all over the place!

~ I am so blessed to live in this country! The freedom that we have to worship God, come and go as I please, etc... I am so grateful to all the men and women who fight for that freedom for my family and I!

~ Getting together with friends! We went with some friends to the street dance that our community has every year during their July 4th celebration :) We had the best time dancing the night away as families and really enjoyed each other. What fun to hang out and exercise at the same time!!!

~ Watching our daughter become the woman she is becoming. She is kind, considerate, loving, funny, beautiful and simply a joy to have in our lives. As she is becoming older we are watching our roles change from parents to friends and advisers. It truly is a blessing to have such a grounded loving daughter such as Kendra! I love you, Boo!

~ People who have stepped into offer to help us out during this time of financial transition for us. We still have many uncertainties about the future, but God continues to provide for us and uses His people to bless us along the way.

~ Another 2lbs down in my weight loss journey! This is coming off slow but still coming off and for that I am grateful! Also, my blood pressure lowered alot and my anemia seems to be under control as well. I am only taking sleep medication once or twice a week too! Things are definitely getting better!

~ Another new family adventure to a place on the coast that we haven't been to before! I highly recommend that if you are able to get to Moosepoint State Park in Searsport that you do. It was a lovely area with nice picnic areas, lots of tide pool finds, a playground, and a nice walking trail that Frank and I were able to explore. Looking forward to going back again when we have a little more time :)

~ A husband who loves to show the world just how much he loves me! Sometimes I watch other couples and men and watch how they treat their wives and I just shutter. I truly love having my hand held, my doors opened for me, winks and looks across the room meant only for me. Frank is truly a gem and I am so glad that he is mine. I love you babe!

~ Two days of sunshine! After lots of rain in June the sun was such a blessing. We are looking forward to more of that :)

Hope you are feeling blessed this week as well! Hugs!!!

Bountiful Blessings~

2009-06-29T11:19:00.002-04:00

This past week had lots of ups and downs but blessings exist if we look for them!

~ My girl getting home safely! She went camping this past week with her boyfriend's family and had a great time, but boy did we miss her. It was so good to see her come through my front door!

~ Sunshine! We have had too much rain here in Maine this month... actually 20 of 28 days have had some precipitation, ugh! So, when we have a sunny day or even a few hours of sun, I so appreciate it, the warmth, the light and yes even the heat and humidity!

~ My sweetie! He is going through a really rough time right now and watching him continue to press forward, do whatever is necessary to get us through it and watch him in FAITH keep his head high and his eyes focused! He is such a wonderful man, and continues to carry me when I can't keep going on my own!

~ Opportunities. This past week an opportunity presented itself to me and while I take the time to pray about and appreciate the offer, what a blessing to know that I have options :)

~ My family. Whether blood related or love related! How special these people are to me. They are praying and loving on us in this time of need and God is good to send these people into our lives at these times of need.

~ Meeting some new teens and getting the chance to hang out with them this past weekend. I helped the kids organize a car wash on Saturday and spent Sunday at youth group with them. There are some really great teens in my life and I am enjoying getting to know them better!

~ Hugs and snuggles from a really special little girl in my life! I haven't had the chance to see her much lately, but I had the chance to really spend some time with her Sunday night and it was so needed. What a gift you are Tori to this Auntie!!!

Blessings are all around us, we just need to be willing to look for them!

Still standing and listening!

2009-06-25T16:22:00.002-04:00

I wanted to continue to share with you how and what I am doing as I wait out this troublesome time that we are in. I have found myself withdrawn and not really talking much to anyone, including Frank and internalizing all that is going on with us. This causes more problems then not but its what I do. I am working on it, but its hard for this "old" dog to change. This is the verse that I read this morning and man, oh man... ouch!

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

Respect, hmmmm.. well I do respect Frank as the man of our home but since last Friday and he told me the news, I know that he must be feeling like he lets me down and that he is fully responsible for this mess. I have tried to encourage him, but am not doing the best job that I could be in this area and have turned inward and been quite pouty and poor me-ish actually. Don't get me wrong, its scary and I am not sure what we are going to do without the finances coming into the house that we need to live on, so it is hard on all of us, but I really need to try to encourage Frank and respect him as a man more than I am. That's the goal for the rest of the week, hopefully I can be better at it then I have been :)

Seeking.....

2009-06-23T11:25:00.002-04:00

While I am looking for my feet to stay steadfast during this time of unknown and fear this verse was in my devotions this morning and I know it was a clear gift from the author and I am resting in knowing that my hand is being held today by the One who loves me most!

"The steps of a [woman] are established by the Lord, and He delights in [her] way. When [she] falls, [she] will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds [her] hand." Psalm 37:23-24 (NASB)

Bountiful Blessings~

2009-06-22T10:13:00.003-04:00

Blessings are hard to see sometimes when we are consumed by unfortunate events, feeling bad, missing people, and just down right pity parties. But God is good to me and when I stop and look at my life, I see that these blessings are still there just in different form than what I am looking for.

~ Girlfriends! I love my Frank more than life itself, but to sit on a friends porch enjoying the company of 4 beautiful and God fearing women, it was a priceless evening for me and I will remember it always!

~ The Maine coast! What a treasure we have here in the State of Maine to enjoy God's creation and His majesty while walking the coast line hand in hand with my favorite man and loving this life that we have built with God at the center.

~ A phone call from a friend when I needed it most. I was really missing my mom Saturday night and the phone call met me where I needed to be and reminded me that I am loved.

~ Worship music! I am so grateful for Pandora, Worship Radio 95.3 and my I-pod! I need this in my life!!

~ Opportunities to stretch myself out of my comfort zone. These come by now and then, and I am realizing that God uses them to teach me that I have more to offer when I think I am tapped out.

~ Emotions... all of them, but at this time, desperation and fear. They cause me to lean on the One who I can depend on at all times. To remember that I am more than just me, I am a child of God and that He will sustain me and protect me and my family.

Till next week, keeping my head and heart upwards and my eyes focused on the journey ahead!

Took a little bloggin break!

2009-06-22T08:55:00.002-04:00

I'm back! I needed to take a little break from the blogging world. With the things that were and are going on in the Johnson family, I was feeling just a little too negative and yucky about things and after re-reading some of the previous posts, realized that my posts had started to become negative too and I NEVER wanted that to be the case. Honest, true to life, and factual and real... definitely but not negative and depressing. So, I took a little break, but I have missed it and its good to be back at writing. It's such therapy for me.

I'll take the time this post to catch up on my weight loss - healthier lifestyle and what we have been doing. I'll post later on about some blessings that have come our way!

I stopped doing weekly blog/check ins. Why you ask? Well, glad that you asked! I took a break from weighing in. I was becoming obsessed by it and watched my emotions run around like a roller coaster ride. I was happy when I was losing lots and miserable when staying the same and even had a gain one week. This was not what I was doing this for. I lost focus and became frustrated when people wouldn't notice the hard work and dedication that this was taking for me. I also got too caught up in comparing myself to others, like I said not at all what I started this program for at all. So, I regrouped and continued to work on my own without blogging or even really telling Frank what was going on. He is so good to notice the littlest things about me and I am blessed to have him to be my encourager (more about this in a later, Bountiful Blessings post). All this being said... I weighed in this morning after my standing apt with my Wii and I am at a grand total of 28.5 lbs.!!! BUT even better than that is... I have lost over 9 inches all over my body!!! SWEET!!! I am so happy with this part of it! I wanted to see the 30lbs but not quite and that's just ok. The inches was really exciting as I started writing the numbers down as I measured, what a treat for me to add it all up! So, I have the encouragement to keep going at MY pace and know that this is doing much better good than not :)

The Johnsons' are tired of this rain and gray! It has effected all of us. We are tired, pale, (well 5 of us are, the other one heads to get some artificial sun 2-3X a week, hehehe) cranky, and bored. Sports have been cancelled one after the other and there isn't much to do around here in good ole Waterville indoors that doesn't cost a small fortune for us to do. We did get the chance to get outdoors yesterday to celebrate Father's Day with Frank and even though the sun only poked its little rays out here and there, we had a great time! Just what we needed and I am so grateful for the opportunity to do it. This morning we will collect our gopher wood and my dear friend Laurie is collecting the animals 2X2 so we will work together and see where this takes us, lol!

Regardless of what is going on in all our lives, remember that you are an important part of my life and I am so glad that you stopped by to check in! Happy Monday!

Sibling Lovin'

2009-06-10T21:21:00.002-04:00

Conversation I overheard last night at Austin's baseball game:

Alex (older boy that the twins play with during games): What number is your brother?

Cam: 12. Do you know him?

Alex: Yeah, is he fun?

Cam: Yeah, he is fun..... no I lied.. he is the funnest brother ever. I bet you wish that your brother was that much fun!

Treasure!!!

Bountiful Blessings~

2009-06-08T10:05:00.002-04:00

The week went by with more lows than highs but I made it out to the other side, by the grace of God! Blessings still came and while it was hard to see them in the moment, looking back they were still there!

~ A wonderful surprise gift certificate to go out to dinner with Frank! We still haven't been able to go "out" to celebrate our 15 years of loving!!! Such is the life when you have kids involved in sports. But what a nice surprising gift to be able to go out and enjoy ourselves together without the kids :)

~ Friends! I am so very thankful for my best friend! Devon walks beside me through the good and the bad, and lately more of this than good, I'm afraid. She truly is one of my biggest blessings in this lifetime and I am so grateful for her. Love you Dev!

~ Shopping bargains! I was able to get some really discounted, almost so cheap you wouldn't believe it bargains this past weekend :) Anyone who knows me knows, I LOVE a bargain and with a family of 6, with four kids we have to look for bargains! We did well, and the kids are looking all set for summer clothes for awhile.

~ Learning new things about myself. Not always painless, but good to know just the same!

~ Sunday afternoon walks with my family. We have, as weather permits, been getting out on Sunday afternoons to walk/hike to explore the area around us. We have great walking trails around the Waterville/Oakland/Belgrade/Rome areas. The kids love exploring new places and they are learning as we do it too {{bonus}}! I enjoy this family time so much after a really busy morning at church and this is our time to reconnect. I really relish this time!

~ My summer morning routine! My slow wake up, my time with God, my workout and my l-o-n-g snuggles with the twins! Now that school is out, we have more time for taking things a little less hurried! I love summer with my kids!

Hoping your feeling blessed among your trials too!!!

Hugs!

Approval Addiction = Bondage

2009-06-02T12:58:00.002-04:00

So, I am really struggling with something that I have had all my life as far back as I can remember. I thought that I had dealt with it but it is very apparent that I have not and still suffer with this as much today as I did as a child, actually probably more so most days. It's called approval addiction and I have it bad. I have found myself too often living my life to seek the approval of others. I constantly compare myself to what others are doing and think that if their lives "appear" perfect, and I don't do things the way that they do them, that I must be wrong and therefore must change what I am doing to be just like them and get their approval. How awful is that? Now before anyone gets on me about seeking only God's approval, I will save you the trip... I know this and in fact find that some days that stresses me out too. I know that I fall short of His approval most days and that simply adds to my distress and discouragement. I also know that this is causing me great bondage in my life and I am trying so hard to give this to God to release me from this bondage. For whatever reason, I am still hanging on to it and it really is causing me emotional, spiritual, and physical pain. I constantly seek everyone's approval, the need for people around me to be happy and to fix things so that people aren't judging me or comparing myself to others is exhausting and I am so weary of this way of life. I try so hard to be everything to everyone all the time... the perfect wife, most patient and understanding mother, the sensitive and caring friend, the most entertaining, organized and God-lead children's ministry director. I try to have a perfect life all the time and when I fall short of that or people point out my downfalls, my world crumbles and I realize that I have failed yet again and so the road goes.....

So, I ask for your prayers in helping me to leave this way of life behind me and get on with the real journey that Christ has for me.

In His grip!

Bountiful weekly blessings!

2009-05-31T21:20:00.003-04:00

I have so much blogging that I want to do and just trying to find the time to do it! So, in light of that I am going to just do a quick list of blessings from this week and hopefully find the time to get more writing done next week since I am on summer break (see previous post)!!

~ A successful ending to a great school year! Our second year of homeschooling is completed and we are ready to enjoy our summer!

~ Friends that are willing to uphold me in prayer and take the time to share words and thoughts of encouragement when I have reached out to them in need!

~ Sitting with the boys and having them take turns reading to ME! All four of the kids are really great readers and it is fun to watch them develop a love for books! If you know me at all, this is a dream come true since I love to read!

~ New blogging friends! I have "met" some really great ladies that have come beside me in my blogging and chatting to walk beside me in my spiritual journey and my weight loss journey! What an encouragement these ladies have become to me!

~ Hugs and loves from my kids! Nothing can pick me up faster or make my heart more full than when I get I love you's, hugs, and kisses from these special people! They have such great hearts and God has gifted them with such sensitivity and I am so glad that I am their mom.

~ The healthy body that God has given to me! I am able to walk, work out, play with my kids, be a wife to my wonderful husband, and do all the things required of me. The healthier that we get as a family and I get as an individual, the more I am able to do! Sometimes I take that for granted and had the opportunity this week to stop and be grateful that my body allows me to do all these things!

Think about what you take for granted and realize that you are blessed. it can change your whole outlook on things, believe me!

Hugs!

Another successful year of homeschooling is done!

2009-05-31T20:45:00.002-04:00

Yea, we did it... another year of school has ended here at the Johnson home :) We are so excited to be finished and ready to have a summer of fun!

The kids did a great job this year. Kendra did an amazing job completing her freshman year of high school. She is mostly an independent learner, with little help from me. I oversee her projects and tests and keep track of her grades. She really is growing up and it is fun to watch her learn and grow in her studies. Next year she has plans to attend the local high school to take biology and Spanish and possibly another elective. Since she has plans to be a nurse, she needs to take her science labs at the high school. The issues that we had with the public school still exist but she is a stronger more mature person now and she feels ready to deal with all that public school has to offer. She will continue to do her math, language arts, and history here at home. She continues to play sports for the high school and really enjoys the interaction that she gets with some of her old friends. We are so very proud of her! Austin finished his sixth grade year with flying colors! I can't believe he is in seventh grade, wow! He really excelled in math and language arts this year. He developed a new love for reading this year, and that made for a really excited mom :) His studies began preparing him for more independent learning next year and so I see him becoming more and more independent in his studies. He is ready and I am sure that he will be successful as he presses on. He too continues to play local sports and will start playing sports for the local jr. high. It should be a really exciting year for him. He continues to show maturity and responsibility and we are proud of the young man that he is becoming! Colby finished up second grade with flying colors! Colby made leaps and bounds in his reading and really loved learning multiplication :) A teacher once told me that the best class to teach is 1st grade into 2nd... she was so right! Colby is like a little sponge and watching him soak everything up and applying rules to reading and spelling was so fun to be a part of! He is already started on his second grade curriculum and ready to continue in his quest for the next part of the puzzle! Colby is the "class clown" in our house and simply blesses us with his sweetness, sensitivity and sense of humor! Cameron also finished first grade with a bang! He is a wonderful reader and reads everything that he can get his eyes on. Sometimes I forget what a good reader he is and find out when he is reading an email or paper over my shoulder ;) He never liked math, but really excelled at it this year and really found that he liked multiplication. This was a really exciting time for me, because previously math brought lots of tears and discouragement so this made me really happy to see him succeed at this. Art projects were also a favorite of Cam's and he is so ready for second grade. Cam is my schedule keeper and makes sure that we stay on task to get things done. I so love and appreciate his organization of our time!

So, on to our third year we go! We make mistakes and learn something new every year. The kids are given the option yearly whether or not this is what they want to keep doing and I get a resounding "Yes!!!" every year so far! God continues to bless us to allow me to stay at home to teach them and for this I am daily grateful of.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement in this journey! We are off for a summer of fun and hope we have lots of adventures to share with you all! Happy Summer 2009!!!!

Bursting heart overflowing with blessings!

2009-05-26T08:32:00.002-04:00

I have so much blogging I want to do that I am not sure how to keep it all separate, making sense and the time to get it all down! Therefore, there just might be more posts from me than usual, so check back more often this week, you might just be surprised to see more from me!!

Per my usual recap of my blessings from the week, this blog will be the first that I write since I like to begin my week with a sense of gratitude for the MANY blessings that God bestows upon this greatly undeserving woman. I wanted to wait until the whole, long, holiday weekend was finished since I knew that there were plenty of blessings headed my way!

~ My sweet man who celebrated fifteen years of bliss with me this past week (see previous post)! I am so very blessed to be loved by a man such as Frank!

~ Watching my children grow up! While this is a bitter sweet time for me, realizing that my time with them under my care is growing ever so closer to ending, they are becoming such amazing people! They all love God with their whole hearts, have great friends, are socially adaptable (even though we homeschool, imagine that, LOL!), intelligent, sensitive, sweet and all around really a pleasure to be around. The changes that they are making into becoming responsible adults one day is simply amazing to me to watch!

~ Christian Music and the radio stations that bring that to my life! We spent the day enjoying some really awesome Christian music and meeting up with some new friends that we are making at our local Worship Radio station! What a treat for us! I am so glad to live in a country that allows me to bring that music into my home and car!

~ Being the Children's Ministry Director at FEFC! It truly is a position that I LOVE and really enjoy being with the kids in our program. The hugs, and smiles. The tears and the tantrums all make it what it is and I love praising God and teaching these little ones about Jesus!

~ Meeting new friends! What a pleasure and a blessing to meet new friends that Frank and I BOTH like! We were invited to spend Memorial Day with a newer family at Faith on their boat (thanks again Katie and Todd!) We had an amazing time and really relaxed and enjoyed ourselves! We look forward to more of these moments in the future :)

~ Learning new things about myself! I am constantly learning new things about myself and while sometimes it is painful, God is teaching me some things that are making me look at situations in my life and people in general differently. I am so glad to know that God certainly isn't finished with me yet!

That covers a lot of them! Hope you are feeling blessed this morning as well! Check back later on, I might get the chance to write again! Right now, math time is calling :)

Hugs!

Our 15th Anniversary!!!!

2009-05-20T21:48:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it has been 15 years! Where did the time go?? Well, it has been filled with laughter and fun, tears and pain, growing together and growing our family.

Fifteen years ago today, Frank and I made a vow to each other. To love each other through it all, the good times and the bad, and like any other couple we have had plenty of both. My mom once told me that the two hardest jobs that a woman can have is being a mother and a wife, she wasn't kidding. What she quickly pointed out then was that they are also the two most rewarding and she wasn't kidding about that either!

I can tell you that I have loved being married to Frank and I have loved being his bride. I only dreamed of being treated like Frank treats me and I can honestly say that we are more in love with each other today then we were 15 years ago. Back then, I didn't think it would be possible to love him any more than I already did, but with time and seeing each other at our worst and yet our best, I do, love him so much more. I am so glad that I know that no matter what we are forever. There is so much uncertainty in this lifetime that to have that is simply a blessing in and of itself.

Our vows were based on 1Corinthians 13 - the Love Chapter. It wasn't that long ago, that I was reading through 1 Corinthians and had the chance to really read that chapter and some of the words just jumped right out of the page at me. Looking at these past 15 years, we have really tried to live that out in our marriage and although there has been failure, I am happy to say we have really been successful at alot more of it! Praise God for guiding us through some really tough times and keeping us together when other couples would have called it quits! I am married to a Godly man who thinks that I am perfect and who puts all of his family before himself every day. He leads our home with confidence and integrity. Our boys have a wonderful role model and our daughter has such a wonderful example of the kind of man that she should be praying for to marry her one day. What a pleasure and a privilege it has been to grow up with Frank and to see him become the man he is today! I truly am blessed!

Thank you sweetheart for the best 15 years of my life! I can't wait to see what our future holds for us in the next 15! You are my love, my best friend, my partner in this life. You still take my breath away and I am so very proud to be your wife! I love you so very much, thank you for choosing to spend this lifetime with me!!!

Happy 15th Anniversary, baby!!!

Weekly check in... week 13!!!

2009-05-18T11:59:00.002-04:00

Oh me, oh my!!! 13 weeks already and feeling really good about some of the changes that we have made as a family in our eating and lifestyle changes! What a great family I have as they have embraced our new changes with little to no complaining and surprised at what they actually like to eat :)Turkey instead of red meat has become a staple and yogurt, fruits and veggies have replaced almost all snacky type foods that used to occupy our snack drawer! The biggest hurdle we have right now is that we are eating later at night then I would like to because we are always on a baseball/softball field until long after dinner time. Weekly hiking trips discovering new trails and areas around Colby College and the Kennebec River have become something that we all look forward to, even our little sweet doggy girl, Erin!! We have also started using the Colby College outdoor track once a week, what fun that is to watch the kids pretend to be in a race and running around the track, exercising but oh what fun!
So, here it is, I lost 1.5 lbs this week.... FINALLY 25lbs gone!!! Now I get to celebrate and treat myself to some spa time!!!!! That was my goal to reach, 25lbs and then I would use my gift certificate to a local spa for some pampering and me time!! I am so excited and top of my to-do list tomorrow morning is to call and make the appointment!!! I can't wait and I can't wait to tell Frank, he will be so proud and happy for me. He truly is my biggest cheerleader and knows just what to say to keep me motivated (thanks Babe!).
So, now I am focusing on 10lbs at a time instead of 25. It was tough going there at the end of it, slow losing and too many poor me moments so a really good friend who has lost 50lbs on WW(awesome job Katie!), told me not to focus so big, so I am going to try that and see how it goes! Also, she loaned me her WW books, as well as point finder so I am going to incorporate some of that into my calorie counting and see what that does for me. Either way feeling good and loving the way I am starting to look in smaller clothes that I have had to unpack!!!
Till next week, hopefully lighter in spirit and in body!
Hugs!

Bountiful Blessings!

2009-05-17T19:06:00.002-04:00

Although the start of the week was tough with dealing with more family issues and such, the week turned into one of the best I have had for quite some time! Blessings for the week were bountiful!
~ My children who know just what to say at times when no one else does to make me feel better! God's biggest blessing to me were the days that I become their mommy!
~ A sense of humor! The ability to laugh and laugh often, usually at myself! Laughter is good medicine :)
~ Time in the van with the boys! We sing, and laugh and act silly and I absolutely love these moments of uninhibited fun!
~ Spending time with friends. Whether over coffee, chatting on line, dinner, or seeing each other out and about, these times are precious and too few and I hold them dear to me and look forward to the next time we are together!
~ A Godly man who loves me unconditionally in spite of my short comings and continues to support me in all ways and in every way. I love you, Frank!

Looking forward to another blessed week, hope that you are too!!!
Hugs!

Bragging about my son....

2009-05-14T14:55:00.002-04:00

I have the best son ever! Now that I got that out of the way, let me give you an example of why I think that :)

I have been having a really rough time as of late, dealing with a family issue concerning my father. It has been tolling on the family and really draining me as of late since we have been forced to see him at sporting events in the area. I have struggled with what to do concerning my little boys and how best to protect them and their little hearts at such a young age. Prayer is my only outlet for these feelings as most days I can't even put them into words to share with those closest to me. Well, as it would turn out, Monday I was forced to tell them the truth about their grandfather and it really was awful. It led to lots of questions, silence of internalizing, and finally in bed with tears, both the boys and I. It was to date one of the worst days of my life.

Since Monday, I have been really wondering if I had done the right thing, telling them and hurting them in that way. Tuesday wasn't much better and Wednesday was just as bad. I had to work Wednesday and due to Kendra's schedule, Austin was left to watch the boys for a little while in the afternoon. When I came home to get changed for Austin's game that evening, there on my pillow was a note:

"Dear Mom I would like to give you this note in return for all the games that you come to and all that you do for me and to say how sorry I am about you having to tell the boy's about him and it's true what Colby said at least we have Mimi and Bampy and loving friend's like the Redman's. I know I can't imagine what the pain is that you feel but I know it's bad. So please remember that you have me and Kendra and even if the boys' don't know very much about it they can still be a comfort to you.

Hey, by now I know you are sad so call me in and I will do any of these attached...." (he attached coupons that he printed that stated he would do _____________ without whining or complaining).

See how he can just melt my heart???? With all my doubting about my mothering abilities or lack thereof, this is my gift. I love him and his sensitive soul so much! Thank you Lord for this little man with a great big heart for me and for others, truly you have blessed me!

Weak Week 12.....

2009-05-11T20:56:00.002-04:00

Ok, so 12 weeks and counting! A little bummed this morning when I stepped on the scale this morning to find out that it hadn't moved at all since last week... stuck!! I was all ready to celebrate the first 25lbs lost but have to hold off. I am grateful that I didn't gain, yet a little puzzled as to why I stayed the same. Oh well, still pressing forward. Frank and the kids bought me a new workout Wii fit game and I started that this morning so hopefully that will move the muscles a little differently?!?! Feeling really good though and now not so crazy about some of the excess skin that I have, so looking for some more specific area toning exercises... the search is on!!!

Hopefully next week I will have more exciting news {{ fingers crossed}}

Hugs,

Janet

Bountiful Blessings!!

2009-05-10T22:32:00.003-04:00

My blessings are too many to count this week in a list of five or six :) I'll do my best!

~ Having had a Godly woman as my mother and mentor. As an adult now and being able to look back at all that she taught me through actions and in words, I am truly a blessed woman to have had Bea Lee as my momma. I pray daily that God would continue to make me into the woman that Frank deserves as a wife and our children deserve as a mother. That He would continue to mold me and shape me to His design. Thank you Mom, for showing me how important it is to spend time with God and get to know Him and His plans. I love you and I miss you.

~ That homeschooling is winding down!! Yipeeeee! We are ending by the last of May and since we are ahead our days are a little more relaxed and flexible! The kids are doing so well and will be so ready for what this next grade holds for them in the fall :)

~ My family, Frank and our children make my life so full! My extended family means so much to me and supplies me with love and support that I so desperatly need at times!

~ Sports! Yes, I love sports and am so blessed to have kids that like to play them!! I so enjoy watching our children excel and enjoy physical activity. They are good sports and as they are getting older the sports they play are getting more exciting to watch!

~ New blogs I have "stumbled upon"! There are some new blogging friends that I have met recently that really seem to have a connection with me! This is exciting to me to get to know some new ladies and read as to how they schedule, homeschool, and juggle all their mommy duties as well as other things! I am learning so much :)

Thank you to all of you who held me up in prayer this week. Although it was tough we made it through to the other side and I know just how powerful prayer is! I am so blessed just to call you all my friends!!

Hugs to last the week through!!!

Tying it all together!

2009-05-04T07:56:00.002-04:00

Wow, what a week! I have had the opportunity to have every emotion known to human this week and yet somehow managed to make it out on this side of it with just a few scratches, bruises and knicks. God put me through my "paces" this week and alot of it was painful, but through the pain came some really great moments of feeling loved, protected and appreciated. God is good no matter what and I know that He is having me travel this road for a purpose and I will be happy to see what changes He will make in me in the near future, all for His glory and purposes.

Health wise I am feeling really great and learning new ways to keep moving and exercising my body. We have started walking trails around the central Maine area on Sundays as a family and we are really enjoying that. This morning at weigh in I am official at 24 lbs less than 11 weeks ago, YIPPEEE!!! I love to watch that scale moving lower and lower. Although that is a motivator, I am slowly learning to just enjoy the moments that I have and make the best choices that I can for the day, eating to fuel my body to keep up with a very busy schedule. It seems to be working, as I know that I am officially also 2 sizes smaller than I was just 11 weeks ago! I am sure that I could be more hard-core about it but I like this slow losing and it really seems to be working for the whole family which as I told you before was very important to me.

As mentioned before, my blessings came on the "heals " of lots of pain and hard work this week. Blessings, I have determined aren't always big and grand, out in the open, look at me kind of moments. Lots of times, especially lately, mine are quiet and small, private really only to me at the time. I do love to share them with you weekly, hoping that reading some of my moments might encourage you to look around your life and look past the negatives and really focus on the positives that God blesses you with. All that being said, enjoy reading my bountiful blessings from this past week :)

~ My very dear friends and family who have stepped into a rather uncomfortable situation to care for me and my children. Putting aside all thoughts of themselves, they have sacrificed their own time, comfort level, and feelings to just be there for me and I couldn't begin to thank them enough for what that has meant to me. Friendship really is defined well in the Bible by words and examples and these ladies (and one special Pastor) have lived this out in front of me and I am forever blessed by this.

~ My children! What a blessing they are to me.. daily. God has given Frank and I such sensitive and spirit filled kids. Knowing I am struggling, the extra effort to listen and obey and the unprompted hugs and loves are just what this mommy needs.

~ My partner, my husband, my gift, Frank! Wow, does this guy have a lot going on in his life. Not only is he working long hours, but going to school three nights a week. Homework takes time as well on most other nights, yet he doesn't miss an opportunity to be there for me and for his children. I think of other close friends husbands and know that God designed Frank just for me!

~ Fresh fruits and vegetables!! What a great item to spend my grocery money on! The kids and are experimenting with new fruits and vegetables that we haven't tried before and we are loving it!! So glad that the Farmers Markets open this week :)

~ Meeting new friends and learning new things about people. Working with children, I don't have much time to get to know adults :) I am enjoying getting to know some of the parents of the kids in our program!

~ Girls night! Had the chance to rest and relax with my best friend, favorite niece/bf and my too quickly growing up daughter!!! Dinner and a girly movie! Good times and well deserved and needed :)

I am going to end this with a prayer request for this coming week. I ask you to pray for me as I continue on this rocky journey of dealing with feelings and emotions that concern some family of mine. This year is my 6th year of missing my Mom being here on Mother's Day. Its a really hard week for me and this other situation is sure to make it that much more stressful. Please pray that God would comfort me and sustain me during this week!

Love to you all!

Wow 10 weeks already!

2009-04-27T13:07:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that 10 weeks of my life has gone by and the changes that have been made in our family lifestyle. It went so much smoother than I even expected it to. I thought there would be much more grumbling and complaining about the changes, and not just food either. There has been more activity that requires physical activity. But everyone has been very supportive of me and it has made this so much easier than other times that I have tried to lose the weight and get healthier! In the past I have usually thought it wasn't fair of me to "inflict" my issues on the kids and Frank. After all they don't have a weight issue and they shouldn't be deprived of the goodies that mommy bakes or buys. This time however, I had done a little more research. The changes that I was to make to my lifestyle was just as good for all of them too. And I don't deprive them of all goodies but there certainly are a lot less of them and better choices of snacks in the house. And they don't even mind :) I am so proud of us all! It has also been a HUGE help to have friends on this journey with me. My BFF Devon, my sister Bev, Sam, and Kelly and my dear blogging friend Lisa have been so supportive and working on this right along side me. They know the struggles that I face and their encouragement has made a world of difference this time too.

Ok, so down to business... I lost another 1.5lbs this week!! I was hoping for a little more, but I also know that this the best way to lost it and my body is working it all out. I am staying with the Wii fit and have added in my belly dancing video. I have asked Frank for a new workout video for Mother's Day, so we will see if I get that or not ;) I don't get on the treadmill as much since I am walking outside more. But working my abs, arms and butt a little bit more seem to be keeping my heart rate right up while I am circuit training!

So, that's where we are at! Making changes and accepting them and loving being active outside!

22.5lbs down and more to go but really enjoying this journey!

Bountiful Blessings!

2009-04-26T21:26:00.003-04:00

What an amazing week I had and it is hard to really pinpoint just five highlights but these are the definite top 5 blessings of my week:

~ Beautiful sunshine and warmer temps to heat my soul! There is nothing that I like better than getting my kids outside and enjoying the outdoors with them!

~ Unexpected cards in the mail just to say hi and to thank me for little things that I didn't even know that someone had noticed :)

~ A day at the beach with my children! It was such a God-thing kinda day. I needed to really relax and do some letting go, and it was the perfect day to get that done!

~ The teens at FEFC! I was fortunate to be a part of the 30 hr famine that they participated in, and what a great group of kids! They went without food for 30 hrs to raise money for World Hunger and they were awesome:) I was so blessed to be a part of it all!

~ An afternoon walk/hike with my family, enjoying the great outdoors together. We went out and hiked around Colby College this afternoon and it was a wonderful time of togetherness and fun. Walking hand in hand with Frank, watching our kids explorer this area was a moment in time, I won't soon forget!

Hope you had a great weekend as well! Enjoy this beautiful week that we have coming and look for something exciting to happen, you just never know!!!

Hugs!!

Back on track!

2009-04-20T19:53:00.004-04:00

Much better Monday today than last week! I was able to get in full workouts Monday through Friday last week and even some variations of my workouts over the weekend, and it paid off!!! I weighed in this morning for a grand total of 21 lbs lost (I don't ever want to find them either, lol). I feel so great and it is so rewarding to be able to fit into clothes that I haven't been able to wear for a few years now. I even need to go buy some new panties (oh man, hehehe).

One of the things that I notice the most now though, is that my muscle tone is changing. Things are firming up and my shape is different, in a good way. This is exciting to me and making me want to workout more to see what differences I might see in the next couple of days or so. Its really fun! I still do the Wii fit daily and have moved onto mostly advance moves, woot!! I also circuit train 3 days a week and have started walking outside a couple of days or evenings a week as time permits. I feel so good when I get to move :)

I have been trying lots of new recipes too. I have been cooking low fat/low calorie meals and having lots of fun trying new spices and oils. I am so glad that I am not afraid to try new things in the kitchen. My sweetie and 4 blessings love the new foods too! I can't wait to try some things on the grill. We are getting a new grill in the next couple of weeks and I can't wait to try some new recipes on that, we love to grill!

Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragement. It made a world of difference last week when I was feeling down and out. You all are the best and I love you all :)

Have a good week!

My favorite moments of this week....

2009-04-18T21:46:00.002-04:00

Blessings. They come in so many ways to me these days. Sometimes I don't even know they are there until I get the chance to step back and realize that it happened. Sometimes in the middle of it all, I don't even realize that I am being blessed until the moment has passed and then I get it :) Anyway here is my list for the week. I am so grateful for so much in my life, but these one's stand out the most for this week:

Clothes that fit a little looser than before my lifestyle changes. Some that I couldn't wear last year :) Very good encourager!!! God knows I need visual as well as audio reminders that I can do this!
Proverbs 31 Ministries! What a blessing these women have on my life and they don't even know me.
Group hugs from the kids in our Children's department at Faith! I love these kids so much and pray for them daily! They are my blessings every Sunday morning :)
Laughter! My dear friend Laurie knows just what to do when I don't think I can handle one more thing... she makes me laugh and that is just what I need at that moment! Thanks Laurie, God gave you that gift just for me, I know it!!
Sunshine.... this week the sun was bright and warm here in Maine, and what a difference it made in my attitude and dispostion. I was more energetic, happier in general, and just more relaxed! God knows just the things to get me out of my "funk" LOL!

Have a great week my friends! Remember that God loves you so much that He gave his only Son for YOU! You are so special to me, and I do thank God for what each of you brings into my life!

Hugs!

Ok, I just have to be honest....

2009-04-14T09:16:00.002-04:00

As part of this lifestyle change I agreed to be honest and accountable.... so here I sit writing with my head down and bummed!! I was so excited last week to have reached the 20lb mark and I got a little to careless over the last four days and ate food I shouldn't have and more than I usually do. Also, I didn't get to work out as much either. So, here is the confession, the Wii fit tells me I gained 3lbs... UGH!!! I can't say that I was super surprised but hoping for the best just the same. Oh, and I am getting ready to start my monthly ritual as well so I am feeling bloated and yuck too and there is chocolate in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just the same, I stayed on my workout, sweat a little bit more this morning and banished all chocolate treats to the cupboards out of sight :)

Here's to a better week next week!!! Lots of salads and fresh fruit this week :)

Weekly blessings....

2009-04-13T09:44:00.002-04:00

Wow, what a great week this was! It was super busy and slightly out of control but great just the same! Here's a quick recap and my blessings listed for you to share in....

Celebrating my risen Savior with my family and my Faith Kidz. It was a day that I will remember for the rest of my life :)
My girl got her permit this week. I feel so blessed to have her as a daughter and I am so excited to be here to share this milestone with her.
Special people that God has "knitted" into my life to help with wounds that still need to be healed.
New relationships and friendships that I am forming. I love getting to know new people and I am so glad that I am getting this opportunity.
My sweetie. It seems I list him almost weekly, but I have to tell you, weekly this man rescues me either from myself, or from overwhelming circumstances. He is always there to take care of me and help me and I don't know what I would ever do without him, I love you babe!

I am hoping that some things settle down for me this week and I get the chance to really look around, get outside and look for more of God's blessings this week. Hope you get the chance too!

Hugs!

It's official, she isn't a little girl anymore!

2009-04-10T07:56:00.002-04:00

No matter how hard I have tried to deny it and fool myself into thinking it just can't be true, there is nothing else for me to do but accept the facts. My baby girl is not a little girl anymore :( She is growing up so fast and changing into such a beautiful lady. Yesterday, another one of her milestones happened, she got her learner's permit!!! I am so happy for her and am excited to see her venture into this new area of her journey of life.

Good job baby, uh hm, Kendra! Mom is so proud of you!!!

Our ways are not Your ways!

2009-04-08T15:43:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I was reminded again today that my plans are hardly ever what God has planned for me! I got up a little extra early this morning, knowing that I had a busier day than usual planned ahead of me. I "needed" to work out, make my list of things to do, shower and get ready to go into church to work. Then once at work, I had a whole other list of things to get done today. Normally I work until 4:30 or 5:00pm, but today was leaving at 2:00pm to spend some time with two of my favorite little girls who were being babysat at my house for the day :)

Anyway, off to work I go (HiHo,HiHo, hehehe). I get there and I am ready to get right to it. Well, God had a much different and might I add better plan for me today. I was able to be used as God's vessel to shop for and provide clothing and necessities to some very needed children today. I was used again to be a shoulder to cry on and pray with a very heart broken friend. I was able to snuggle with my little nieces and be told. " I love you Auntie". And last but not least, God allowed me to be in the right place at the right time to talk to someone about Faith (our church) and what we offered for Easter services, and I am pretty sure that she and her family are coming on Sunday, Yipee!!!

At different times today, I was thinking, "this is not getting my list any shorter" but low and behold, my heart was getting fuller as I was able to help more and more people along the way.

The list will still be here tomorrow morning when I wake up, but the opportunities that I had today won't be...

We'll see what tomorrow holds :)

A little piece of heaven!

2009-04-06T22:15:00.002-04:00

Tonight, when I was headed into the twins room to tuck them in and pray with them, the lights were off already and so they could only see my silhouette as I walked into the room. As I walked closer to Cams bed, he quietly asked, " is that an angel walking in my room? No, its just my mommy!" My heart melted!

I think I just heard you all say in unison... AWWWWW!